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Wedding Forum - How much say should you have?...

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  1.  
    • Myranny
      CommentAuthorMyranny
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I've been asked to be Maid of Honour for a friend, and I'm curious as to how this works because I have paid for everything in relation to my own bridesmaids.

    I have agreed (and have no issue with doing so, just to be clear!) to pay for my own dress for my friend's wedding, as she is on a tight budget, and to pay for my hair to be done because I am rubbish with hair.

    However, my question is this - how much say would you expect to have over what the bridesmaids would be wearing/how they have their hair etc. if you are not contributing at all? In the nicest possible way, she has said that the dresses she's looking at will be anything up to £100 but no more, and I don't really want to pay £100 for a dress I wouldn't ever wear again. Obviously she has a theme/colour scheme in mind and so I think should be able to specify that, and the length as well and obviously be shown the dresses/be with us choosing dresses before anything is purchased. But how much say do you expect beyond that? I'm asking only because she has picked a few examples that are lovely, and a few that I genuinely wouldn't be caught dead in and I don't know how much I'm allowed to really say "I don't like that." because the other bridesmaids seem to just like everything... xx
  2.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    As a general rule, if a bride wants full control then she pays the whole lot. If she expects BMs to pay for anything then the BMs must have final decision and a majority say and influence on style etc given they are footing the bill. Hence why I paid for dresses, hair and makeup and any alterations needed. The things I asked them to provide themselves they had full control over so they wore whatever they wanted on their feet and jewellery.

    Members signature icon
    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

  3.  
    • MichelleC961
      CommentAuthorMichelleC961
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    I would say if you are paying you have much more say, if bride wants you in specifics she needs to pay!

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  4.  
    • KirstieP2B
      CommentAuthorKirstieP2B
     
    I personally think the bride should only have a say on colour and length of the dress because she's not paying xx
  5.  
    • MrsMaherToBe
      CommentAuthorMrsMaherToBe
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    My MOH paid for her dress and I was really laid back about it because it's a lot of money, she told me what she wanted and I helped find it. If I knew I wanted her in a certain dress I would have happily paid for her. I would just be honest with her if you don't like it, there's always a chance another bridesmaid won't like it aswell and agree with you. Xx

    Members signature icon
    2009 met my boy.
    2011 had our baby girl.
    2013 had our baby boy.
    2016 we'll live happily ever after.
  6.  
    • CommentAuthorFayeJ67
      BadgeBadge
     
    My sister is paying for her dress, I am paying for my 2 junior bridesmaids dresses.
    I was going to pay for them all as I found the dresses I want in the colour I want and informed them, but I was going to sell them after the wedding (at nearly £300 each) my sister liked hers so much that she decided she wants to keep hers after the wedding and is going to pay for it.

    If you want your bridesmaids to pay for the dresses then aside from colour and a final veto on anything hideous then I don't think you get much say and I certainly don't think you can expect them all to have the same dress
  7.  
    • leasa
      CommentAuthorleasa
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I paid entirely for my bridesmaids dresses and hair, and still gave them a say.
    I specified the dress had to purple and long, and we searched together. I told them they could have different dresses to suit them, as I wanted them to feel comfortable. I only bought them once we agreed we both liked them. They all chose the same dress, despite being all 3 being very different sizes.

    I let them have free reign on their hair as that's personal and individual. They all looked fabulous!
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    I know a lot of people say it's the brides day, but there should be a limit as to what a bride expects, If the bride is paying, maybe a little more say, but if the bride isn't paying, she can't really stipulate a price and needs to be more flexible.

    Members signature icon
    Met 30th May 2005
    Proposed in Monte Carlo August 25th 2013
    Became Mrs K on 30th May 2015
    Married my Gorgeous Greek God
  8.  
    • Emily17
      CommentAuthorEmily17
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    If you are paying then you should have some say. I am paying for my sisters but am giving her full control except colour. She knows the feel if the wedding and is sticking to that and we will only get one we both like but if I love one and she doesn't it's a no.

    Members signature icon
    Met in 2009
    He proposed Jan 2014
    Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
  9.  
    • Shellbell
      CommentAuthorShellbell
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    I agree with the ladies if your paying you should have a say in what you like/dislike. We are paying for our bridesmaids but they will still have a say. Mind you iam dreading it because I just know they wont agree on the same thing lol xx

    Met 2004 lost contact after a few years
    Met again 2013
    Engaged July 6th 2016
    Married July 14th 2018
 

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