It's not a very nice position to be put in sweetie :(

But what I would suggest is that you consider your options very carefully. You said he is abusive towards your mum. Is he possesive also? Perhaps you're being made to feel like she won't attend without him because she knows she won't be "allowed" to attend without him?

You cannot force your mother to leave this man, but you need to stick by her even when you're not happy with her decisions. If things become strained between you both and she cuts herself off from you it might make it harder for her to find the support and strength she needs to leave him

I know you don't want him there but I would assume you want nothing more than for your mum to be there? Do you and your h2b have friends attending the wedding who could turf him out if need be? Or possibly even venue staff who can step in when he's going too far?

Unfortuantly calling the police is a waste of time if she won't do anything, plus sadly this sort of thing really isn't punished harshly hence why so many women don't bother :(

He's not really possessive as such, just always likes to have the upper hand. The latest row was because she has a new job and is now earning more than him which he really doesn't like.

She knows that even if for whatever reason me and her had fallen out and not spoken in months etc she can always comes to ours if she needs to, we'd never turn her away but we are sick of all manically changing our plans and cancelling people staying in our spare room because she's leaving him and for her then to decide not to. I suppose I'm just sick of everything becoming about her, as selfish as that sounds, it's been the last 10 years and even my birthday (and H2B's as we share a birthday) at the end of april ended with me cancelling the celebrations because of this latest row and I don't want my wedding ruined.

I know there are more than enough people to physically force him out if needs be but then there would be the after affects of my mum being hysterical, everyone faffing to sort her out and the whole thing becoming about her.

I know I sound really selfish but it has been the last 10 years of the same old same old and unless you are in the position it really does wear thin, especially when the entire family have given her so so so many options to help her, lent her so much money to gain independence and it just not worked.

The only other problem is that if he does come he won't be on the top table as there's too many step parents and no one will want to be sat anywhere near him.

Bethany,

As hard as it is, sometimes you have people asking you to do things for your wedding that would would rather not do.

In this case, think about if you not inviting him will have any consequences - for you or your mum - given what you have said about him.

If you really feel so strongly, tell your mum that you cannot invite him. Or you could tell her he is only invited on the proviso he stays dry.

Whatever you decide, make sure you are happy x