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  1.  
    • CarolineL78
      CommentAuthorCarolineL78
      Posted: Aug 5th 2016
     
    Hi all,

    I get married in 2018 to a wonderful, caring man who I absolutely adore and who genuinely loves me. We have a fantastic relationship and I was thrilled when he proposed.

    Unfortunately this is my second marriage and my first marriage ended in an acrimonious divorce after I found out my husband had been cheating on me with multiple women throughout our entire relationship. To further complicate matters my ex-husband had cystic fibrosis and passed away 2 years ago (7 years after our divorce) and we never really resolved things or made our peace with each other.

    My fiance and I have now booked our venue and are starting to plan the rest of our wedding. We're both very excited and happy but the shadow of my first marriage and the way it ended is bringing out old anxieties, feelings and hurt again which is overshadowing my enjoyment about my second marriage.

    Has anyone else got married more than once and, if it ended badly, how have you overcome those feelings attached to your first marriage and started afresh?

    Thank you in advance for any advice proffered!
  2.  
    • StephanieM158
      CommentAuthorStephanieM158
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Aug 5th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I think its normal to have any kind of anxiety when it comes to wedding planning wether its your first, second or tenth.
    I have doubts, only because my parents divorce hit me hard and i often played the middle man between them as a child..... It often plays out in my mind that i wind up alone with the kids and it breaks my heart. Silly when i think about it really though.

    I think all you have to do is concentrate on the good things,hes marrying you because he loves you as are you him. If you didnt feel confident and happy about it you wouldnt have accepted his proposal... And more importantly than anything else he isnt your ex husband. Like it or not he was a cheat and he should had resolved things with you not the other way round.
    Let the past be the past and look forward to your happy life together. Dont let HIM bring you down. Xx

    Members signature icon
    Met 2004
    Engaged 2014
    Getting Married 2016
  3.  
    • Glitterfairy
      CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Aug 5th 2016
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I'm on my second marriage after my first was ruined due to him doing the dirty. I had no issues getting married.

    Members signature icon
    Our wedding day - 6 October 2012


  4.  
    • CommentAuthorJoannaS
      Posted: Aug 5th 2016
      BadgeBadge
     
    This is my second time around my ex was cheating with various women. The way I looked at it was that was over and done and a new chapter was starting we have never resolved anything either
  5.  
    • Glitterfairy
      CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Aug 5th 2016
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    We have not resolved anything either, don't want to, he cheated end of. Do you think you'd feel differently if he had not passed?

    Members signature icon
    Our wedding day - 6 October 2012


  6.  
    • CommentAuthorJoannaS
      Posted: Aug 5th 2016
      BadgeBadge
     
    GF that's what I thought too never want to see him again the man makes me feel sick I'm lucky in that boys are grown up and he lives abroad x
  7.  
    • CarolineL78
      CommentAuthorCarolineL78
      Posted: Aug 8th 2016
     
    You're right that I probably wouldn't have given it a second thought if my ex hadn't died. I had no interest in resolving things as he was an absolute swine during the divorce blaming me for the breakdown of the marriage despite the fact that he'd cheated and trying to force me to sell our house (fortunately I managed to buy him out). I think I probably just feel bad because he died but as my Mum said he made his choices and I have nothing to reproach myself for.

    You're absolutely right that I need to look forward but it's hard when someone messed with your head and hurt you so much.
  8.  
    • MaxineP89
      CommentAuthorMaxineP89
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Aug 9th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    When I marry my OH next year, it will be my first marriage. For my OH however, it will be his third.

    He met his 2nd wife while he was still married to his first and cheated on her.
    He was still married to and living with his 2nd wife when we met although the marriage had been over for more than a few years before we got together.

    I guess its just sitting at the back of my mind, that if he's done this before, what will stop him doing it again?
    I do trust him and really don't think he would ever cheat on me - besides I have told him I would kill him if he did lol.
    But the thought is just there.

    Looking forward to becoming the 3rd and last Mrs McLauchlan


  9.  
    • Mrs T Hurley!
      CommentAuthorMrs T Hurley!
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Aug 9th 2016
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    It's understandable that you feel this way. It's only natural. You are worried that history will repeat itself but have faith that things will be different this time. :)

    Members signature icon
    Met 18/09/03
    Engaged 06/09/08
    Getting married 05/09/17
  10.  
    • MaxineP89
      CommentAuthorMaxineP89
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Aug 10th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    In the words of Bon Jovi I shall "keep the faith"" lol

    Looking forward to becoming the 3rd and last Mrs McLauchlan


  11.  
    • LauraH6323
      CommentAuthorLauraH6323
      Posted: Dec 1st 2016
     
    I got divorced five years ago and it took a long time to heal. I am happy about planning my second wedding and really excited....just look forward xc
  12.  
    • YvonneF34
      CommentAuthorYvonneF34
      Posted: Dec 2nd 2016
     
    A after my first marriage ended I swore I would never get married again.

    For 13 years I stayed single till a childhood friend came back into my life & swept me off my feet.

    We were married in less than 7 months & I joined this forum to get advice on my vow renewal on the day we celebrate our silver anniversary.

    Do not let the mistrust of your first husband affect your future, you adore the guy you are with, your older & wiser.

    If I had viewed my now husband in the same light as my ex that I would have missed out on the love of my life,

    Don't panic enjoy the love & relationship & most of all the future x
 
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