Okay here goes, h2b and I have a bit of a difference in opinion over who should have plus 1s. I think that only people who are very close to us (immediate family) who have been with their partner for a decent amount of time should get a plus one to the ceremony and wedding breakfast, then others can have plus 1s in the evening. I hate to think of walking down the aisle and seeing someone I don't know! H2b is portuguese and has a lot of family/friends coming from portugal. I completely understand that people dont want to travel to another country for a wedding on their own, but at the time same, he's planning to invite girlfriends of old childhood friends who he hasn't even seen in years and neither of us know the girlfriends. He thinks that if he doesnt invite the girlfriend, the friend won't come either. We're having about 120 people at our wedding during the day, but I have a huge family and am having to exclude both family and friends who I would want to be there, and he's wanting people who neither of us know and will probably never speak to again after the wedding.... Girls, please tell me if I'm being bridezilla, I promise I wont be offended! Who do you think should be given a plus1? Sorry for the long post! Thanks x

We're only inviting plus ones if we know them, too. BUT if they are coming all the way from portugal, I would make an exception. It's a long way to go for an evening do. Especially if they would have to leave their plus ones in the hotel (or wherever) until later on. Just my opinion, but I think your H2B has a point.

If the friend won't come without a GF then he's not a true friend .......

We've given plus one's to our day guests if they are in a long-term relationship, regardless of whether we know their partner very well (there are only 3 people we won't know that well).

We're treating the evening differently; I see no real reason to give my work colleagues plus one's, for example, as they're coming in a group and will know each other.

Your situation is difficult, given the number constraints. Personally I think that in the case of couples who are married or living together it would be rude not to extend a plus one to their partner; particularly if they're travelling from Portugal. And yes, it is very possible that they won't come, given they'll have to take time off work, and spend money on flights and accommodation; which would be a shame for your OH. If it's a more casual girlfriend (eg 6 months or less) then I think it's OK not to invite them.

Also one thing I wanted to add: while it sucks that you're having to cut people you want to invite from the list, it isn't OH's fault you have a big family. Really, he should get the same number of invitations as you. So, that's something to think about. If at the moment it's predominantly your friends and family on the guest-list, then I think that's even more reason to allow him a few plus one's.

TBF I don't think it's a reflection of their friendship.

If my friend was getting married in Portugal and my OH wasn't invited, I probably wouldn't go, even if we were very close. It would mean taking time off work, plus paying several hundred £, which would then affect the type of holiday that OH and I could take. And I wouldn't feel right going together and then attending the wedding solo while he sat around on his own all day. I would also probably find it quite rude given how long we've been together. I don't think that would make me a bad friend TBH.

Now if I'd been with someone for a few months, then yes, that would be different, and I'd be fine with it.

We're not putting plus 1's on our invites but if people ask to bring their partners we're saying yes.. I'd hate to go to a wedding without my H2B xxx

Because my H2B originates from Yorkshire and has a few friends that are still up there, but the group has disbanded. So he is inviting a few friends with +1s just so they have some company. But there would only be 2 or 3. x

I think it is very rude when people judge on what a 'committed' relationship is.. Me and H2B were engaged within 3 months... 4 years later and still going strong.. If anyone had said we weren't in a serious relationship I have been pretty pee'd off xxx

Allowing bridesmaids and groomsmen plus ones and friends of the family we don't have a lot of people coming so plus ones re fine but i have to at least meet them once or twice or thrise before the wedding so their not total strangers at the wedding coz I hate to be invited somewhere without h2b Xx

We had this issue. Some of OH's friends have got new girlfriends and he wanted them to have +1's and his mam (MIL2B) wanted a pile of her friends who I have never met and who OH hasn't seen in 20 years to come to the day, when I have had to tell some of my close friends and extended family that they are only invited to the evening.

Some people have got offended, but I've stopped caring now. The fact is we don't have the numbers, and if we did, I would rather invite my friends/family than a complete stranger. I'm sure if you put it to OH and his friends that way they'll get it a bit more (that you simply don't have the room in the day). And if they are petty enough to get offended or not show because they have to go a few hours without their new girlfriends, its their loss, you will be too busy enjoying your day to notice (I certainly will!) xxx

we r also only inviting plus 1 if we both know them xxx

We are only having plus ones if we know them with the exception of those guests who will not know anybody else. Its awful to go to a wedding alone and only know the bride or groom. I have done this once and never again.

I specifically remember my step sister not inviting my fiance when she got married. I took it quite personally at the time but looking back, she didnt really know him.

We are not having plus ones to the church/reception unless we know them well as we have a limited number of people we can invite as we're having a package. Good excuse I guess!!

Just put yourself in the position, if you were going to another country you would want to take your partner, right?

Also relationships move at different paces, you can't decide how serious people are by the amount of time they have been together... I'd do a bit of digging, find out who has plus ones and if your budget allows, then invite them...

You never know, you might meet a new friend or receive an invite back to Portugal when they get married! Xx

I've had to have this discussion with my OH as well... He wanted to give a +1 to everybody, I said that (on my side anyway) I'll only give a +1 to people who a) I know their partner, or b) are married / living together as it may come across rude not to. To me weddings should be for people's nearest and dearest, then maybe use up a few +1's if you have numbers left over.
To be honest, I don't think people should be that bothered if they don't know either the bride and groom and they are not invited to the wedding... I've been with my other half for 4 years, yet he was invited to his work friend's party and I was not. I've never met either the bride or the groom, and my OH closest friend down this way was invited as well so I was happy to wave him off telling him to have a good time. I wasn't offended as, personally, I can't think of anything worse than having to spend the evening with a bunch of strangers on a day as special as a wedding, so I do understand that you would feel upset at not being able to have all of your family there, yet will have strangers invited!
That said, I do think the most fair thing to do would be to split the numbers between you and your OH, organise who you will or won't invite in yours and let him do what he wants with his. Cheeky as it sounds, you could always send out invites early and then if you get anybody sending back saying they can't make it, you will still have time to send out invites to others you wanted there but couldn't have with the number constraints?

its such a tricky one the "plus 1" situation. We only have space for 60 (max 63) at the wedding breakfast so once family is invited that doesnt leave a lot of room for random plus 1's. My OH wants - quote - one of my best friends, Gemma and her OH to be invited, a) ive never met Gemma, b) he doesnt even know her OH's name! We had a big fight about whether she ahould get a plus 1 but in the end i gave in. Gonna be strange for me to have people at my wedding i do not know.....
Other friends are not getting plus 1's - so i think they will be miffed!
My cousin has just sent me a message after receiving her invite which states "kerry" on it to ask whether she can bring a plus 1.....so it begins! As far as I know she wasnt in a relationship....
the sarcastic side of me wants to write back "what does your invite say?!".......prob best not to :-)

We are only having partners we know and haven't been together for 5 mins.
In the evening, I am inviting some friends that I used to work with and we aren't inviting their partners (this is the evening).
For the day, one of my bridesmaids has just got a new partner - He isn't going to be invited as we have never met the guy, she unfortunately changes her partner regularly also, our numbers deadline has now been and gone. To be fair my bridesmaid hasn't even asked if he can come which I do respect her for.

We aren't giving plus ones at all. no exceptions. i know thats probably not a popular decision but i don't give a flying one! guests are invited on an individual basis. if we love them they are there all day, if we like them they can some to the evening reception! h2b has some close friends with truly hideous girlfriends (who they have been with for a couple of years) and there is no way on gods green earth I am having them at my wedding. some of my good friends partners are only coming to the evening do, i made myself very clear when I was in the early stages of planning that this was the case and they are fine with it. if i haven't met someone then theres no way i want them there, the only exception are a couple of OH's uni friends. we are not doubling the cost of our wedding to keep people happy! xx

How is it harsh to dictate who comes to your own wedding?! We already have 85 day guests...if we gave everyone a plus one who doesn't have one then there would be 127 day guests...not only is that far more than we want at our wedding its more than the capacity of our venue so number 1 its not all about money! but if we were thinking about cost it is also almost an extra £3000 on our catering bill alone, we are also having a welcome cocktail, drinks on the table and a free bar a sweetie buffet and a cake so add an extra 42 peoples drinks for the day to the bill and all the other bits an bobs its more than I am willing to pay for people who i don't know or worse don't like.

Secondly i don't think anyone on here as any right to judge how good a friend a person is from a post about plus 1s on a bridal forum. We specifically haven't done plus ones because we wanted to be fair to my OHs friends that as their girlfriends will under no circumstances be invited nobody else is having plus ones either. these girls are more than just disagreeable they have done some really bad things in the past and have no place at my wedding amongst my family and friends. Would you risk someone being there who would potentially ruin your day?

If my partner was invited to a wedding of someone who i didn't know or didn't like, knowing how expensive weddings are and how tight guest lists can be I would not give a stuff! In fact, I wouldn't go to the wedding of someone I genuinely didn't like. Most people we are inviting know the plus one situation and they are all happy and in agreement...the friends with the horrible girlfriends have even specifically requested their invite is sent to their parents address because they know what their crazy girlfriends are like. One of them is getting married a couple of months after us and I know for sure I won't be invited to their wedding - its not an issue for me and when my OH wants to go to see his friend get married I will send him off with a smile!

I was invited to 2 weddings without my partner to a friends last year and he was invited to the evening and I think to say its harsh is RIDICULOUS!

He had never met him as they were childhood friends of mine that I don't see overly often so it's completely understandable. We are all planning or have planned a wedding here and know how expensive it can be and also how annoying it is when people give you jip for stuff that to be honest, doesn't even come close to the top of the to do list. If my friend raised the point I think I would react with "are you being serious" and then probably say "come back to me when you plan a wedding and realise that points still valid". If they chose not to come then cheers, for helping me realise not to waste any more time being your friend and for saving me a small fortune!

:)

Sorry maybe harsh was a bit much. I know I wouldnt like to go to a wedding on my own. Especially as you might have friends who don't know anyone else. I still think its not very nice to descriminate people because you think they are hideous. If I really couldnt bear to have someones partner at my wedding then I wouldnt invite the couple.

Also I wasnt judging how good a friend you are or they are. You said they are close friends of your oh and thats what I was basing it on. Sorry if I misunderstood. I really didnt mean to offend you.

Look if she has done something that has directly affected and hurt you then not having her at your wedding is fair enough but from your first post it sounded like you were just discriminating because you didn't like her or the way she looks. Again sorry if I have misunderstood.

Sorry for distracting from the original post. My personal opinion is I would invite less people and give them plus 1s as I feel they are more likely to attend and feel comfortable that way but that is just how I feel. I apologise again as I didn't mean to offend anyone. Everyone has different opinions and I appreciate that :)

TheFutureMrsK: Personally I think whether it's OK to not give a plus one depends entirely on the situation. We don't have a 'blanket rule' for ours, as I don't think it's necessary, and have instead decided on an individual basis, eg:

Couples who are married or in a long-term relationship have been invited as a couple to the day, even if we don't know both of them that well. So, for eg, a friend of my brother's is being invited along with his girlfriend of over 2 years even though we have only met her a couple times.

People who won't know many people were given a plus one so they could bring a friend and feel more comfortable (this applies to the evening only though)

People who are single/casually 'seeing someone' but will know lots of people, are being invited solo. This applies to two of my brothers friends (their whole friendship group of 10 is invited), and 3 of my OH's single friends (they'll know about a dozen people)

My colleagues have been invited without plus ones as they are evening only, and know each other (ie 5 other people), so we didn't feel it necessary.

Basically I don't think there has to be a blanket rule, though in the OP's case of people travelling from overseas, I would absolutely invite their (long-term, not flavour of the month) partners as I said above. As a guest, I would also feel differently about my OH being invited in different situations eg a good friend or a relative? I would absolutely expect them to invite my partner of 8.5 years and would be insulted and decline if they didn't. Colleague? I would not expect my OH to be invited and provided I knew a couple of other people who were going I would happily accept. Depends on the situation IMO.

My rule is I'm only inviting them if I know them or if the person won't have anybody else they know there. Like, I won't give my work friends +1's as they know each other. I think you need to be strict on this kind of thing! Especially if you haven't even met their +1

This is difficult, to our day we are letting most people have plus 1s there is no real rule. My bridesmaids - neither have partners but we are inviting their mums who are both single as their plus ones. My work colleagues work 200 miles from our wedding which is in Lancashire so despite not meeting or not spending much time with some of them I am inviting them as I wouldnt expect them to travel so far alone. In the evening I dont care the more the merrier but to the day I think we will each know the plus ones.