I had a fabulous day with SIL2B yesterday when we went for lunch and to pick up her daughter's FG dress.
Over lunch we were chatting generally about the day and eating arrangements for her 3 year old as they're getting a childminder (old nanny) for their 7 month old after 4pm so they can enjoy the afternoon and evening.
We got onto the subject of seating arrangements as I mentioned that the 3 year old (FG) has a seat with us at the top table and so the plan was she ate with us during the wedding breakfast. She looked surprised when I said top table and I then said that she and her hubby will also be at the top table with us.
She said that she was not expecting that at all and appeared really really surprised, not in a bad way .......................but I was wondering, have I committed some major faux pas?
I know the English traditional top table is Bride, Groom, parents, best man and MOH. The Chinese traditional top table is round with Bride, Groom, parents, brothers and sisters with their husbands/wives if applicable. I explained this to SIL2B and she seemed fine with it although surprised.
Do you think I'm doing the right thing?
Thing is ..................her husband is from a different class .................of the upper class ............educated at Eton, wears tails to all weddings etc. etc. ...............couples are seated apart at formal dinners!
We're having a very traditional English white wedding in a church (although my church - RC, rather than CofE or Methodist) with the traditional sit down wedding breakfast but there are small elements that recognise the fact I and my family are Chinese i.e the colour scheme, wedding favours, canapés and wanted the seating plan (top table) to be too.
Is my choice of top table plan going to be frowned upon?
xxx
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorVelcro
who cares whether its traditional or not, and whether her husband is used to hob nobbing with whoever and sits apart at formal occasions, its your occassion not anyone elses.
i cant imagine anyone frowning upon it, and if they did, well... the words stuff and off would spring to mind
Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
*Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
CommentAuthor*KelBel*
Yeh definitely just seat them the way u want :-)
Velcro...my wedding day twinny! The Two Kel's!
Got engaged 14/10/12 in Central Park NYC!
Became Mrs Macdonald 13th September 2014
Mummy to 4 girlies and baby blue boy Due 10/05/2016
CommentAuthorLittle Kettle
Yep, I agree with Velcro. Stuff the stuffy-types that may 'frown' upon it. It's your day and I think it's awesome that you're including parts of your cultural traditions.
Vegas baby!
Moderator
CommentAuthorInDreamland
Cool, thank ladies.
Don't get me wrong. H2B is totally cool with the top table arrangements I'd planned and his sister whilst surprised and didn't expect to be at the top table seemed happy with it (I mean it's more of an honour for her right?) ................it's just I wondered if her hubby being of the upper class type might have something to say about it. We're also not splitting couples up (apart from SIL2B and her hubby as they need one either side of their daughter to look after her between them).
It does mean that the best man won't be seated with us but will be amongst his mates (which TBH I think he'd prefer) and my best mate will be with her OH and another mate who doesn't really know anyone else.
I also thought this means that a few tables will have someone from the main bridal party seated with them (a bridesmaid, best man and two ushers) so will make the guests feel like they have someone "important" sat with them.
xxx
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
Whoever you want can be on the top table. I never had traditional either, just us two and all our kids as thought it would be important to make sure they were being included in the day as well as it was joining both sides together.
Our wedding day - 6 October 2012
CommentAuthorsarah
I say stick with your cultural traditions, I think it's an honour to sit at the top table and that may be why sh's a bit surprise as it isn't very often when it's shared with that many people.
CommentAuthorInDreamland
Thanks ladies.
I feel better about it now.
These table seating plans can be a mine field. Don't know who you can offend!
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorMrsH-2B
I think it's lovely :-) some traditions needs to be left where they came from I think.. Top table should be your choice, not dictated by etiquette :-) xxx
I can't wait to become his Wife :-) <3
4th July 2015 <3
CommentAuthorx~Hails~x
Ok so your having a very traditional english white wedding GREAT! But at the end of the day you want part of you and your traditions to come into the mix too and in this case its who sits at the top table! Your SIL and her husband will understand that this is YOURS AND h2b's wedding so both of your traditions will be represented on the day and will hopefully go along with it because it is important to YOU the BRIDE!
At the end of the day hunni it's your day and nobody should be frowning on anything you plan because it is what you and your h2b want for your day END OF!
UKBride moderator both on here and on facebook
For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart
It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.
CommentAuthorInDreamland
Thanks Georgi and Hails. I am more confident about it now, oh well, he'll have to put up with it, I have to conform when I go to theirs for lunch and dinner and admittedly I have upset him before by insisting H2B sat next to me ...............at a BBQ!!!!!
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorsita_meena
We're not having best men or bridesmaids at the top table at our wedding either! We have us, his grandparents, our mum and my uncle (who is giving me away) and my aunty (his wife)
CommentAuthorInDreamland
Nice to hear others not having the traditional top table.
My sister didn't have the traditional top table either, did similar to me apart from BIL's two brothers, their partners and the nieces were on the table next to us simply because there wasn't enough room.
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorsita_meena
We're not doing things strictly traditional as we're incorporating my culture (malaysian) into the day so we've chosen the people who we consider the most important to be on the top table
CommentAuthorInDreamland
Similar to us, my family are Chinese (from Malaysia) x
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorLinzi-jo
We are only having us and our parents on the top table, the bridal party will have their own table and the grandparents will be 'hosting' their own tables (which will be the closest two to the top table and the bridal party will be in the middle) so not really traditional xxx
Got together 14.02.2008
Got engaged 31.12.2010
Will become a Mrs on 30.08.2014 xxxxxx
CommentAuthorsita_meena
InDreamland wow small world :)
CommentAuthorMrsLJDeaton
InDreamland I Love your top table I actually wanted to do something like that our parents on the to table my bro and his girlfriend and SIL and BIL on the to table too also any new addition to the family too They cannot frown on your top table its your wedding you choose what you want to do where you want people to sit its your special day we can choose to stick with traditions or we can choose not too make it that bit extra special and different =D ♥ X
Started going out 23.10.2010 met at Barnet college <3 X
Engaged 23.08.2012 In Turkey Our 1st Holiday Together <3 X
To be Mrs Lana Jocelyn Deaton on 23.10.2015 5 years the day
Jamiroquai Arthur Gordon Deaton Born 29/05/2015 My Son Jammy
CommentAuthorInDreamland
Thanks ladies.
Sita_meena - where are you family from? I have family from Ipoh, Penang, PJ and Sabah, then also from Singapore.
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorsita_meena
My Aunty's moved from Ipoh to KL, I have family in Penang, Selangor, KL, Taiping and Butterworth
But my heart belongs to Penang (and they have the best food)
CommentAuthorInDreamland
Oh yes! Totally! You cannot bet Penang for food! Mmmmmmmmm!
I have an aunt still in Taiping.
I love Malaysia, the food is just the best!
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorVelcro
i think if he dared look down his nose at me, id thump him one on it.
Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
*Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
CommentAuthorsita_meena
Agreed!!!! We have the best food :)
CommentAuthorLittleMissWorry
So many people vary the top table from the 'expected' these days that I doubt any one will even notice!!! No one seems upset, which a fabulous plus, so relax and go with it!
CommentAuthorInDreamland
Thanks ladies.
Sita - I really miss the food! Every time I go to Malaysia the first thing I want to eat is char kway teow and lobak.
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorsita_meena
mmm my favourites!!! Roti Canai, Cendol and Ais kacang is also a must for me :)
CommentAuthorInDreamland
What about Popiah? Mmmmmmm! Satay! Oh yes!
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorLauraJo87
We were actually the other way round - we wanted a non traditional plan as my parents had a rather acrimonious divorce and also moh's partner is painfully shy and wouldn't cope on a table on his own.
However, my mum and dad were both appalled at the thought as both wanted to sit at the top table, and both have said to me that no matter what has gone on between them it is right that they are both sat at the top table on my big day and whilst they don't particularly like each other any more, they respect one another as being the parent of their kids. H2bs parents were also a bit upset about not being on the top table but said 'it's your day, do it how you like'. Anyway, I had a chat with moh and we agreed that maybe it was best all round if her partner didn't come to the day do, as 1) he hates weddings 2) me and h2b don't know him particularly well and 3) he won't know any of the guests and can be quite sulky on his own.
So, we are now having a traditional top table!
I think you should have your top table the way you want it Hun and I am sure that people won't object. Personally, if I had a three year old I would rather he be sat with me anyway xx
My Beating Heart Belongs To You
30 August 2013
The First Day Of My Happily Ever After
CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
do what you want to do hun ......you say that your sil hubby is upper class bc he wears tails to weddings , he will only do this if it is the dress code and as for couple being split up at formal occasions .. couple are sat on the same table but would not be sat next to partner but again this is only if the function warrants it !
Thanks ladies. Sil2b asked me what I would rather her hubby wore and that if I preferred she'd speak to him and try to persuade him this was not the type of wedding he's used to attending and get him to wear a lounge suit instead of a morning suit. I just told her that I don't want to dictate what my guests wear so he should wear what he's comfortable wearing so if he turns up in tails that is fine, it won't bother me, it was the seating arrangements that are more important to me xx
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorMrsWright290912
At the end of the day, just ask her. You wont know until you ask.
I really did marry my Mr Wright and we had a nice day for a
Wright wedding!
Mexico for our first anniversary <3
CommentAuthorInDreamland
Sil2b is cool with sitting at the top table hun, she was just surprised as it was unexpected for her xxx
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorGillianE
you do what you want and don't worry about how other people think or feel. It's your day. I do love your idea on the seating plan though and it's great you can bring in elements of your culture into your wedding too.
xx
CommentAuthorInDreamland
Thanks GillianE. I think I'm actually starting to feel anxious about things and I don't know how much of it is the house move we have coming up on Friday.
I don't want to upset anyone with where they're seated or who they're seated with x
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorsita_meena
Yes yes popiah and satay yum!!!!!! I made Onde Onde for CNY and they were yummy!!!
CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
hun they are sitting to have a gorgeous meal that they haven't had to pay for !!!!
we had someone tell us 3 days before that they werent coming to the wedding ... i later found out it was because they discovered that i was mixing the families up and they weren't sitting on the same table as their sister ......they are nearly 60 !!!! ( mr lalas aunt ) the day was better without them
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorNevlar
ive been to wedding where the top table is just the bride and groom! only part of the day they got to spend time with each other! its YOUR day have it just the way you like :) aslong as your happy! noone disagrees with the bride lol xx
CommentAuthorMon
Oh I agree with all the posts above hun. We are having a very non traditional seating as well. We have our kids at our top table and an auntie. Don't stress too much about what everyone else thinks, it's your big day! x
CommentAuthorFionaR41
hi, Think you should have the top table how you want it. At my daughters she had , herelf and hubby, their 3 children (who were 3 & twins at 1), the 3 bridesmaids and 1 page boy then they all sat alternately so that one child was between each of the bridal party. everyone else could sit where we wanted. Trying to think of how to have mine to please the mums more than anything and so far trying out diff options but without any luck !!
It's taken a while to find my Prince
13th May 2011 we met, 26th May 2012 we got engaged
30th August 2014 we say "I do".
CommentAuthorInDreamland
Thanks ladies!
Good luck with finding the perfect solution Fiona xx
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorKatherineR45
i wouldn't worry. We aren't having a top table as due to divorces etc it'd would get a bit awkward. I get the impression that my in-laws aren't too happy about it but we have come up with a table plan we're happy with and that is the main thing x
CommentAuthorInDreamland
Thanks Katherine.
I agree it's important that the bride and groom should be happy with the seating arrangements. I haven't had any backlash yet from either side's family, I think SIL2B is happily surprised, it was just I was wondering whether her hubby might be funny about it as it's so not traditional English or "proper" x
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorKatherineR45
in my opinion if he is so well educated he should have learnt to appreciate and embrace cultural differences; failing that he'll just have to put up with it, it's not his day!
CommentAuthorInDreamland
You're right hun, thanks. xx
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!