Hi all, This is nothing to do with weddings and for once isnt a rant either.
ok I'm the youngest of three but my oldest brother and his gf have found out she is expecting and they are scared of going to the doctors as the social will get involved. I'm not sure of the background behind her but basically she has had 4 children and all have been taken into care, one of them died in a car crash when he was young (her oldest) and her youngest who is just over one has now been adopted so she can't have anymore contact with her. So even if she wasnt with my brother the child will get taken away from her again I really don't know the reason behind this. Then there is my brother who has ADHD and other mental health issues, He has been sectioned on nemerous occassions too. So this also will not go in their favour. I have said that she needs to go to the doctors to make sure everything with the pregnancy is ok etc. But I said I am not letting any niece or nephew of mine be taken away while I can help it and that I would fight to adopt the child myself. I have a three bed house. My own two children never once has social been involved. And by the time she has the baby I will be married (that also would go in my favour) I said to my brother the baby would live here with me and my family. And they could come round everyday to see the child. And when the child is older I will make sure it knows I'm Auntie Sadie and karl and his girlfriend are daddy and mummy.
Do you think I would be doing the right thing? Or what is your opinions on this? and what would you do if you was in my shoes? I really don't think I could stand by and watch my own blood relative be taken into care for me to never see it again if that makes sense? x
Married my soul mate 22-6-2012
Conceived baby 3 on our wedding day!
Due 15-3-2013 baby will join our two other beauties!
So glad I'm finally a Morgan!
CommentAuthormillz090
Oooo thats a tough subject and going to have some mixed reviews i think.
Firstly i would question why she has had these children taken away in the first place? Social don't remove children from their parents for no good reason so i would want to know why. She hasn't had 1 child taken away but 4 and 1 has been adopted so very final now so sounds fairly serious to me. Would her want her involved in another child's life? Social don't think she is capable by the sounds of it but you need to know why this has happened in the first place. How long have her and your brother been together?
My SIL2B has brought up her Husbands son (from another relationship) as her son - his biological mother abused him as a baby so she had him taken away. Now Luke is older it is causing problems as he knows she isnt his real mother and now starting to throw it into argurements (typical teenage strops) and his biological mother keeps turning up and causing issues. It is different if you are taken on someone else's child if you dont know the family and no links to them but when they are still involved they like to have an opinion and even if they say they wont now can she stand by and watch someone else bring up her child and not interfere? xxx
Finally marrying the love of my life !!
10th August 2013 - 9 years to the day we met !
CommentAuthorMrsShaw
I think you are doing the right thing hun. As long as you have the means to look after another baby then its worth looking into. It sounds like there isn't anything between you and your brother and his gf so the child most certainly wouldn't be used as a weapon, but the social might make you draw up some sort of agreement, but I don't think you'd have to follow it in your situation.
Its well worth looking into. Obviously they can't take the baby away now as its not born yet, so if/when the social get involved in the pregnancy, let them know of the adoption plans and hopefully they can help you there. From what I know (which granted isnt a lot) they prefer kids to have some contact with their birth parents, so this way they get the best of both worlds.
It might be worth trying to find out why her other kids got taken away though.
xx
CommentAuthorMorgsysGirl(kempy)
I know the reviews will be mixed but the reason i've posted on here is because I know I will get honest opinions. She isnt alowed to see any of the kids tha thave already been adopted. But she hasnt got family that would of been willing to adopt for her they fell out years ago. the three children one is adopted properly the other two are with their dad but she doesnt get to see them. I know she has issues where she acts younger than she is. Before the little one was taken away she had to do a test to see if she was responsible wnough to look after her and she failed it. She is like my brother in the rescpect if something gets too daunting they walk away or argue.
My brother and her have been together since her little one was a month old. So over a year now. I will always tell the child im not mum but im the one in charge. I would let her have her opinions as that is all that they will be. I will bring up the child my way as i have with my two and will be clear on that from the start that she doesnt get involved if i say something its final and think she would be fine with that xx
Married my soul mate 22-6-2012
Conceived baby 3 on our wedding day!
Due 15-3-2013 baby will join our two other beauties!
So glad I'm finally a Morgan!
CommentAuthorkatielea100
i think your doing the right thing i went school with a girl who was fosterd by her auntie n uncle along with her sister and she had a great upbringing and still ver close to her mum sadly her dad past awy when she was young but go for it its a great idea xx
I know someone who had her daughter taken away at 12 hours old as she was involved with a drug dealer the social were involved all the way throught he pregnancy they had a chance to clean their act up to keep the lil girl but after numerous visists from the social their house was dirty, she had her daughter and she was taken away at 12 hours old, her mum is now the main carer and shes not supposed to be in any contact at all with her daughter but her mum lets her see her often she has been told that any future children will be taken away, and she wont be able to get her daughter back until shes 18 years old she currently only 18 months old, im not being nasty but why is your brthers girlfriend getting pregnant when she knows that her situation prevents her from keeping any cild? I understand you would take the child in but do you know how their going to react when the babys here? it might cause alot of problems for you it may not it is nice that your thinking of the child but i dont know its for the four of you to decide i just dont think its fair she has so many children knowing that she culdnt possibly look after them, if you did adopt the child whos to say she wouldnt get pregnant again xx
CommentAuthorMorgsysGirl(kempy)
Mrs Shaw 2 be... Me and my brother always argue and most of the time don't get along. Various things have happened with in the family which resulted in my brother going to prison for 6 months. But He wasnt diagnosed till really late and now he has been diagnosed I understand him better. We still argue but me and my other brother argue too... But no matter what bad blood is between me and him I wouldnt ever be able to say 'no i'm not helping you its your mess' he is after all my flesh and blood and I will do everything in my power to help him where I can, theres no difference in my eyes between borrwing him £5 for something or adopting his child. Help is help no matter what form in comes in if that makes sense? They wanted her last little girl to go within the fmaily but because of the family fall out on her side it jsut didnt happen. They said if given the right support she can make a brillaint mum just finding her the help with no family help for her ... but ill be that help it doenst matter that im younger than them im in the position to help so surely that counts? x
Married my soul mate 22-6-2012
Conceived baby 3 on our wedding day!
Due 15-3-2013 baby will join our two other beauties!
So glad I'm finally a Morgan!
CommentAuthorMorgsysGirl(kempy)
Thanks fern, I know what you mean we said the same. But she did have the implant and it failed. She has already said that she is going to get her tubes tied after this one untill she knows she can be a good mother. And I believe her. The potential is there she just needs the help bringing the best out in her. Now she is with my brother she will get a lot of help with all our fmaily helping too not just me and my partner she will have the suport of his whole family. She hasnt had this suport before through various issues xx
Married my soul mate 22-6-2012
Conceived baby 3 on our wedding day!
Due 15-3-2013 baby will join our two other beauties!
So glad I'm finally a Morgan!
CommentAuthorgwynneth23
Hi there, it's wonderful that you are considering helping in this way, and you sound like an amazing person. I'm definitely not an expert on adopting or fostering, but I've been a little bit involved through a project we're doing at work (I work for a charity). Why not take a look at the website for Adoption UK, and maybe have a look at their forums there too? You might be able to find some people who have done something similar, to ask their advice. You could also look at BAAF or Fostering Network for more info.
It's quite a long process to get approved to be an adoptive parent or foster carer, and they will ask you a lot of questions and explore very thoroughly. I don't say this to put you off, but just to prepare you! You don't have to be married to adopt, but I think you're right that it might be a factor in your favour.
It might also be worth finding out about Special Guardianship. This is a new system which sort of gives you more 'rights' as the new parents than long-term fostering does, but it's not as 'final' as adoption. Social Services might think it would be appropriate in this case?
Good luck, whatever you decide to do. I really hope it works out well for you all.
CommentAuthorLoopster
I'm adopted and when I was born my mum just walked out of the hospital right after she'd given birth to me. She left no contacts details and gave a false name. So it was quite clear that she didn't want me. I went into foster care for 6 weeks before my mum and dad (my mum and dad now) got me. It took a long time before they were able to adopt me as social services wanted to make sure my mum definately didn't want me. The point of my story is the don't let people adopt easily so there must be a reason why the kids were taken away from her xxxxx
CommentAuthorHa_x3
I would do exactly the same if i was in your shoes, i would/could never let a niece or nephew of mine go into care..
Social services will always try to keep children with family, if possible so i definatly think its worth a try if your husband to be agrees? You definatly need a long think though, dont jump into anything etc xx
Mrs Lunn
08/05/12 was the best day of my life
& I love my husband with all my heart xxxx
CommentAuthorButtonAndBoo
I can understand where you are coming from. It's a very touchie subject though. But I would probably do exactly what you said, I would try too adopt the child myself and make sure that my brother and his girlfriend had the access to their child, and that the child always knows who is who. I think that is a very important part if this does happen. One of my H2B's brothers got brought up to think his real dad was his uncle then one day his mam told him and he left home, started on drugs, got into debt. It went very down hill for him. So I think you need to make that a very clear line from the offset. But it hasn't got to that point yet, I'm sure if they can prove that they have strong family support around them it wouldn't come to them getting their child taken away from them, and if it does, from the start let the services know what you want too do, before it gets dragged on and on. Do your best too get them to go too the doctors, its soo important that you all make sure everything is okay and that regular checks are made on the baby.
XX
CommentAuthorHa_x3
Although maybe hvaing a talk with social services maybe in order, i mean if this lady has had 4 children taken off her previously, they may not feel that she should have access? depending on the situation, if you see what i mean? xx
Mrs Lunn
08/05/12 was the best day of my life
& I love my husband with all my heart xxxx
CommentAuthorMorgsysGirl(kempy)
My h2b has agreed it would be for the best if we can look after the child anyway with their issues on a whole... With the last child she was told if she had the family support she would have been allowed access to the child, but because no one in her family would adopt the child and the dad of the baby is out of the picture it went to an adoption with someone else they didnt know. So access was stopped. I do think she would make a great mum given half the chance as she is a brilliant 'auntie' to my kids.
I have spoken to them so hopefully they will see sense and go to the doctors and tell them about me and my partner wanting to look after the child from the outset x
Married my soul mate 22-6-2012
Conceived baby 3 on our wedding day!
Due 15-3-2013 baby will join our two other beauties!
So glad I'm finally a Morgan!
CommentAuthorHa_x3
Ohh i see, well thats good.
Il keep my fingers crossed for you & your niece/nephew & keep us updated (il bookmark this thread) xx
Mrs Lunn
08/05/12 was the best day of my life
& I love my husband with all my heart xxxx
CommentAuthorMorgsysGirl(kempy)
Obviously this is going to be one long process at least 9 months LOL... but even after my wedding I plan on sticking around here so I will do. Thank you xx
Married my soul mate 22-6-2012
Conceived baby 3 on our wedding day!
Due 15-3-2013 baby will join our two other beauties!
So glad I'm finally a Morgan!
CommentAuthorMariephiz
Hi Kempy, I work with Children's Social Services currently although rather new and getting my head around the job still!
From what I can see, SS do try to keep the children within the family. If the parents aren't deemed fit to care for their own children, then the parents can request for other family members to become the carers, this is usually classed as a Private Fostering Arrangement. If they put forward yours and your partner's names, you will be assessed to see if it is in the child's best interests. However, the parent's MUST want you to be carers, and SS will have to make the decision if it is suitable.
I'm not too familiar with adoption processes unfortunately, and I don't know if many adoptions happen within the family or not.
What I would recommend is that she tells the authorities/doctors ASAP, as trying to hide it from them will not look good for her in the long run.
Hope this helps x
CommentAuthorMorgsysGirl(kempy)
Just thought id let you all know if you had bookemarked this that my brother and his gf have lost their baby... a bit harsh but to be honest it might be for the best! x
Married my soul mate 22-6-2012
Conceived baby 3 on our wedding day!
Due 15-3-2013 baby will join our two other beauties!
So glad I'm finally a Morgan!
