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  1.  
    • JoanneW588
      CommentAuthorJoanneW588
      edited
     
    Have a bit of a dilemma regarding wedding size. My OH and I have always talked about having a small intimate wedding with just immediate family and a few close friends, total numbers about 30 people. We have found the perfect venue and fallen in love with it for our small celebration. We chose to have a small wedding because it suits our personalities, not because of budget.

    My worry is that some people may be offended at not being invited to the wedding. My OH has a very small family, and all will be present at our wedding. However I have a large family and some very close family friends that I don't want to offend. Our perfect venue only holds 40 people and I don't want to start picking and choosing between my aunts and uncles so thought it was better to not invite any of them. I am the youngest cousin and last to get married, and all my other cousin's have had large weddings with the whole family invited so my family will likely be expecting the same from me.

    We had thought about having a larger wedding but that would mean there would be 12 family guests on my OH's side and around 70 on my side (only including aunts, uncles, first cousins + their families. Also the thought of having to get up and say vows in front of that many people terrifies me, I'm not a person who likes being the centre of attention.

    I had thought about having an informal get together at my parents house after we return from our honeymoon, possibly a large BBQ with the back garden decorated, so that my family would still be able to celebrate with us.

    However I understand that this could also lead to people feeling like they were not important enough to be invited to the wedding itself or that we are trying to save money by not inviting them while this is not actually the case and I would happily spend the same amount on a more informal celebration after the wedding. I want my dream small wedding, but I don't want to cause any upset in the family or them to think I am being rude by inviting them to a celebration after the wedding. I don't expect any to react badly or it to cause arguments but will likely feel upset not to be included.

    Do people think it's better to have a larger celebration afterwards or would you think that would be rude? Would I be better to just have the small wedding and leave it at that? Or should I just suck it up and have a bigger wedding and give up on my dream of my small wedding in the perfect venue?
  2.  
    • KirstyR386
      CommentAuthorKirstyR386
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    You should have the wedding you and your OH want and if that is a small intimate one at a venue you love, then so be it. People need to be adult enough to realise that a wedding is about a couple getting married, not the party to go with it. They also shouldn't compare it to your cousins as everyone is different.

    If you did want to have the bbq celebration post honeymoon I think that is a lovely way to get everyone together but you should only do it if you want to, not because you feel you ought to or others are saying that you should. X
  3.  
    • lala "mod" bunni
      CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    if people love you they will accept whatever you want to do for YOUR wedding .... i think the wedding BBQ sounds like a fab idea

  4.  
    • KayleighS46
      CommentAuthorKayleighS46
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I agree with lala!

    Its YOUR dream wedding for it to be small and intimate so have your dream wedding. I think if you change and have a large one just to accommodate everyone else you'll only regret it. They love you and they obviously want to see you happy! If you explain it as you have on here I can see any reason why they wont understand. plus having a party with them all after still keeps them involved!
    it might possibly only be the fact of seeing you in your wedding dress that they might/could get a bit iffy with but ultimately its yours and OH decision and you need to do what makes you both happy :) xx

    Met 2013
    Propsed 2014
    Will Be Mrs Brookes 2016
    always & forever xxx
  5.  
    • JoanneW588
      CommentAuthorJoanneW588
     
    Thanks everyone. I feel a lot better about it today, was stressing about it way too much yesterday. My parents are supportive of a small wedding so that's all that matters to me, if they were upset about me not inviting aunts + uncles then it would be a different matter.
  6.  
    • KirstyR386
      CommentAuthorKirstyR386
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Ooh if you did the BBQ celebration after your honeymoon, you could wear your wedding dress again. X
  7.  
    • Mrs T Hurley!
      CommentAuthorMrs T Hurley!
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    My auntie had a small intimate wedding and had a larger party and everybody loved it. I wasn't invited to the wedding itself but to the party and I didn't take offence to it. So no, people shouldn't take offence to it at all. In fact I think you're being considerate of your family and should be grateful they're able to celebrate with you, one way or another

    Members signature icon
    Met 18/09/03
    Engaged 06/09/08
    Getting married 05/09/17
  8.  
    • Wundatigga
      CommentAuthorWundatigga
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Hi Joanne - I know this is an old post but I could have written what you have above. OH's family is tiny and will make up most of our ceremony guests. None of them are really "party" types (save OH's sister and sister in law). My family however is huge (and some of them drink far too much IMO so I really don't want them at the wedding as they will just ruin the day getting stupid) so I am only having my Mum, Step Dad, Brother and Nan representing my family.

    We have also decided on a larger bbq/garden party at my parents house a few days later for our "reception" so that my embarrassing family members are kept separate from OH's more conservative family and I will be able to relax and enjoy my celebrations without worry of some really embarrassing drunk aunt exposing herself in front of OH's 98 year old grandmother!

    Plus its a great way of making the celebrations last rather being just one big day :)

    Members signature icon
    Started dating: 10th February 2011
    Welcomed our little girl: May 2015
    I proposed: 23rd December 2015
    I finally become Mrs R 17th August 2017
  9.  
    • VikkiH53
      CommentAuthorVikkiH53
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Bbq definitely sounds like a good idea. We are having a large ish size wedding due to my oh family being huge and we see everyone who is coming regularly. However as people say you never have time to catch up with everyone we are hosting a bbq at ours the day after the wedding before going on honeymoon the following day
 

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