like some of the other's have said i'd have it out with him, I know what it feels to have pre wedding jitter's I get them all the time but he's being ridiculous and making you feel like crap to boot, it's not on, hopefully doing what you have done (which is very brave by the way) will give him the kick he need's xx

I think you've done the right thing going to stay with your sister, I don't think you can make decisions with a clear head when the thing that's confusing you is still going on around you so at least now you both have space to think about things.

Sorry but I would be absolutely furious about this hen group. I am by no means jealous - I don't mind my h2b going out, he can talk to women, he can go to a strip club, etc etc that does not bother me at all but WOW a hen party coming in and getting into bed with them all? I'd be wanting answers, and fast - and depending on what they were it would possible be me calling off the wedding, not him! Why did your BIL show you the page? Did he say he thought you should know? Did he actually say nothing happened? Although even just the fact that they came and got into bed with them would make me angry enough - I know stag nights can get a bit drunken and out of hand but someone (ie h2b) should have put a stop to that. The fact he has also mentioned going back for another night out where they are?? I'd be gutted reading that.

Maybe he didnt cheat and maybe he doesn't want to split up but it sounds like he's suffering from a late case of 'grass is greener' syndrome. It seems to happen to quite a lot of people - it suddenly its them that they're getting married and all of a sudden they want to go out and play the single life! Unfortunately he can't have the best of both worlds so he needs to choose, and fast. Thinking of you x

Yes I am in a predicament now. I know bringing it up will be the final nail in the coffin for us and as I'm
Still pretty sure nothing physical happened do I just accept it as stag do banter and forget it for the sake of trying to save our relationship or has it gone too far now for me not to say something?! Sooo confused! Actually shaking! Xx

I know you don't want to bring it up but you do need to. Keeping it to yourself and stewing about it will send you insane and would end up casuing problems further down the line anyway.

I think you need to tell him that you know about the hen group and the FB page, and ask him 1. what (if anything) happened and 2. what this means/what he wants. I really hope it all works out for you hun, don't let him make a fool of you x

Sorry hun but that is completely out of order, and you shouldn't have had to have heard about this from your BIL. Personally, my feeling is that if your h2b had nothing to hide then he would have told you about this group on facebook and shown it to you, maybe even had a laugh with you about how the others still want to meet up with them etc. not hide it from you! I know that you say this would be the last nail in the coffin if you bought it up with him, but can you really live your life with him not knowing what went on, not trusting him when he goes out, and always being scared to confront him about things in case he leaves you? Surely if anything was to happen, it is better that it happens now rather than after the wedding? Sorry hun, I know you are in a horrible position but you really need to get this all out in the open now, if not it will just cause more problems while you stew over it xxx

I agree with everyone that you really need to have it out with him about the stag and this group on FB... I'd be absolutely furious if I were you.. Noway could I keep it inside, I'd feel sick every time I looked at him, not knowing what happened and why it has carried on afterwards too..
I think you did the right thing walking away from the situation, but he didn't seem to react very much ?? My H2B would've been calling and calling and sending text after text if I'd done that..
And I really agree with Linzi that you can't spend the rest of your life worried about bringing something up incase he leaves you.. You will be absolutely miserable.. xxx

Personally I would say just leave things for a few days. Go home at the weekend and tell him there will be a discussion about everythign that has been going on over the last few weeks. If he says he doesn't want to talk but wants to be left alone tell him thats fine if he wants to walk away but you WILL be calling off the wedding and things between you will be over. Have the conversation first thing saturday moning and if he walks away tell him he has until say 8pm to have this chat with you or it is over and if he changes his ind after that it will take a lot of grovelling to sort things out.

YOu need to ask him about:
1: The stag do.....what really happened with the girls from the hen party.

2: Ask him how he really feels about you. Maybe both of you could write down the things you love about eachother, the things that are bothering you both within your relationship, write down 5 commitments that you are both prepared to make to make your marriage/relationship work.

3: Tell each other how much you love eachother. Discus if you think your h2b might be suffering from anxiety or depression that he might need to speak to a medical professional to get help with.

I really hope that you guys can work things out but better to sort things out before the weding than be looking for a divorce lawyer 3 months after xxx

this new information changes everything for you hun and deep down i think you know what you have to do. It is terrifying to think it may end you relationship but as someone earlier suggested i think doing nothing with end in the same result anyway. The fact you have left and he still hasnt told you what is bugging him indicates he is unsure how he feels about it so you need to talk. it may be he needs more time to decide if this is what he wants. I also think you have should have a stern talk with yourself. can you live the rest of your life with someone so unwilling to discuss their feelings with you? Do you trust him? you say he is onhis phone all the time who too? is it one of these girls? you eally need to think how this is affecting you now and how you want it to change and then take steps to make that happen. unfortunately if he is not willing to talk then there really isnt much you can do except make your own decision about your future together. Being honest with yourself hurts like hell and the outcome may not be anything like you expected but if you make the decision based solely on what you want/need then atleast it is your decision. really feel for you at this time and hope you are being well supported and whatever the outcome im sure your future will be bright whether together or seperately it just wont feel like that yet :/ the only thing that will solve this is total honesty both to yourself and with each other however hard that is. best wishes hun xx

Aw Rachel, firstly I'm so sorry to hear about the problems that you've been having, I feel like crying for you.

How are you feeling about everything at the moment? Can you see yourself spending the rest of your life with this guy? It sounds like he has hurt you so much and this isn't fair especially so close to the big day.

I agree with the others that you really need to find out exactly what happened at his stag do - those photos and comments that you've seen are completely out of order. He needs to seriously open up to you about why he's been acting the way. Could you talk to any other guys who went on the stag do and try and find out if he's mentioned anything to suggest he doesn't want to get married anymore?

Let us know how you get on and remember - you are worth so more than this and if he can't be honest with you and treat you how you deserve to be treated then he doesn't deserve you xxxx

Hunni, I don't want to add fuel to the fire but this hen do thing on the stag really is not normal and he can say nothing happened, but how he's suddenly changed now seems a bit of a coincidence! I understand the predicament you're in, because I used to be married to someone who constantly told me he would never ever cheat and appeared to be honest and all that stuff, and then one day this girl joined where he worked and suddenly his behaviour changed, constantly talking to her, texting her when we were watching TV and that kind of thing, and he ended up cheating one night when he went out with his mates to a club, and it took him a week to confess to it (during that time he was very different) and he kept bringing up my flaws to make it look like I drove him away. Although you're scared about losing him, you really need to get the truth out about what went on, etc. Because he may need time and space, but there's only so much time and space he can have, you're meant to be getting married in a few weeks. I wasn't sure about my ex (from previous suspicious acts) and I went ahead and married him anyway, and that was a big mistake which I realise now, if I'd confronted him and got out of him exactly what went on, I'd have known the truth and okay I would not have married him, he really hurt me and knocked my confidence and we'd been married 7 months when I went ahead and filed for divorce, but what I mean is you really need to be 100% certain about someone before you marry them, you shouldn't marry them with that doubt there in your mind. My h2b now, we've been friends for years and years and he was there for me right the way through all what went on, and he was so incredible I just kept thinking how I wished I could be with someone exactly like him, and then a short while later we got together. There's been no doubt in my mind ever about him and he hasn't about me, if something bothers us then we talk it through and resolve it and we trust each other all the way, best thing that's ever happened to me. You need that kind of relationship with someone before you marry them, I just don't want to see you even more hurt further down the line. I would definitely get him to open up about everything hun, he owes it to you xxx

Ok so BIL who I trust 100% said he wasn't away from h2b for more than ten mins or so at a time during the stag. On the second night some of the boys egged h2b on to get with the girls and did the whole 'what happens on the stag stays on the stag' thing and h2b made a point of saying no, I would never cheat ever.

About the girls in the rooms...one of the guys bought 2 girls back to the room (the bride and her sister) as he was upset about relationship issues with his wife then when the others came back the girls were messing around with the boys on the balcony and the girls jumped in bed with the boys that were trying to sleep but they didnt stay and were extremely drunk. I feel sorry for the brides h2b as there's photos of one of the single boys completely naked with her holding his man parts!

BIL also had a heart to heart with h2b whilst they were away and he said he could tell from that he adored me and all the boys on the trip talk about us being the power couple so this has stumped me even more! His BM also Said he was completely normal on the stag and made no indication he was having any worries. Before he went away he left me cute notes around the house and although he had been slightly off, it wasnt a huge concern on mine.


So I'm non the wiser! He's angry with me for staying away from home though, more so as people now know what's going on. He has however told his dad just today he's excited for the wedding! Mind f**k!!

oh hun im so sorry this is all happening to you!

I agree it s been good for you to get some space but you do need to confront him. I know lots of things go on on stag nights....my OHs mates stitched him up with strippers and at one point two strippers were completely naked as he lay on the floor, one sat on his stomach and the other one HOVERING ABOVE HIS FACE! but he told me all about it and him and my mates who were on the stag do have all been laughing about how when that happened he clapped his hands over his face and kept his eyes screwed tight shut until she moved on and got up! So the fact that your H2B is refusing to tell you what happened and is part of a private FB group may mean nothing (after all not all men thing these things through!) but similarly it could be he has something to hide and you need to get that out of him now!

A cousin of mine and he now husband split up just days before her wedding because he cheated on her with someone from the stag do. it was a huge case of grass is greener on the other side because he came running back a few weeks later and theyve now been married 4 years. But you need to have it out with him before anything happens.

Your wedding day should be the happiest day of your life and you don't want to be walking down that aisle wondering what happened. For the sake of your sanity sweetie you need to speak to him.

I have everything crossed for you that this turns out ok

xxxxxxxxx

He has no right to be angry with the way he's been treating you hun .. You need to write a list of all the things you want to discuss because so many times have I gone to have a proper conversation and forgotten half the things I actually wanted to say by getting stuck on one subject going round in circles.. You really really 1000000% need to talk to him, he can't bounce like this without telling you what the hell is going on.. xxx

When I had the jitters I wanted him to act normal with me and I snapped out if it. I think I'm going to go home, explain I was only staying away to give him space which obviously hasn't worked and if he wants me to try and act normal I will but if there is ANYTHING I need to know and if at any point he does realise that yes he does want to cancel the wedding then he needs to let me know ASAP!

At the end if the day, deep down i do not believe he has cheated, at least not physically. Plus with what my bil has said I feel a lot more reassured. His comments were that h2b is being a tool and needs to sort it out as its all got out of hand! I'm not happy about the comments been made but I also understand the boys together like to act like 'lads' and if he's saying it to the boys and not the girls and not acting on it then I can forget it and consider part of the stag experience x

this is why i'm lucky my H2B is a massive geek; he's going LARPing for his stag so hopefully there'll be no pretty girls there!
seriously though, all i can say is this:
you've done all you can without looking needy and irritating him more. writing a letter might be a good idea, as it allows you to vent all your frustrations without causing rows or getting interrupted. unfortunately it might be that he's having second thoughts, and as heartbreaking as that would be, just think how much more painful it would be if it happened a year or so after getting married.
just reassure him you're there to talk and you won't put pressure on him.
if i were in that situation i'd be completely wrecked. just surround yourself with friends and family and try and enjoy your hen. do'nt let him ruin it.
x

It seems he ist turning all this around on you & to be frank you are letting him!! Time to sit him down and tell him how he is making you feel after all he is the one with the problem not you!! Yes when you were going through your wedding jitters you wanted him to act normal which helped you loads but it seems what ever you do, act normal, or not you can't win and you even went away for a night to give him space...... Maybe you should sit down and think how you feel & want you want!!

Aww hun so sorry! I keep thinking about you and checking in on here throughout the day to see how it's going xxx best wishes

my heart is breaking for you and i think its time to be a little harsh , brace yourself you might not like what im going to say.....
man up!! this man is treating you like dirt and walking all over you ! he is the one in the wrong and his petulant behaviour is just proving that. to me it feels a bit like he is trying to push you into leaving so he doesnt have to take the blame for a break -up but thats just my opinion. you have given him every opportunity to put this right and been prepared to listen to his side and its not working so its time for you to stand your ground im not talking a blazing row but calmly tell him that right now the way he is treating you and the disrespect he is showing you are fully prepared to walk out and not look back (i appreciate you may not feel you are strong enough to do that but you have to) . If he does not respond to that then leave and i mean LEAVE dont look back you do not deserve to be treated like this ! i really dont want to offend you but in my opinion you are allowing this behaviour to continue as you are scared of what might happen but i hate to see ladies (ad men) being treated so badly for no reason at all. If this man is worth his salt he will soon start talking or atleast try and stop you leaving stop giving him the power and take it for yourself !

That is waaaay unacceptable. Sorry, but it does sound now like he is trying to turn it around on you and trying to goad you into giving a reaction/threatening to call off the wedding etc. I know it's absolutely awful and you must be so cut up but just think, you need to sort this, because you couldn't get married with things like this anyway could you? If he came back tonight and told you he does want to get married but then carried on treating you the way he has been, would you really want to??

This is the hard bit now. You need to tell him very calmly that you are not going to be treated like this any longer and he is being completely unreasonable, and if he continues to refuse to talk to you about it then you are cancelling the wedding. If he still refuses or he says go ahead and cancel then hun I'm sorry but you have your answer - and it'll be better to know now than 3 months down the line after the wedding...

Thinking of you, keep us updated x

Not a lot to add, but I'm thinking of you...

Give him time to cool off, see what he has to say for himself and take it from there. It sounds like you've been through an emotional wringer these past few days - I think you need to think about what is or isn't acceptable in your relationship, for you personally.

Sending virtual hugs xx

Bless you I really feel for u x I hope you can work it out xxx

Oh hun he's being so unfair to you. I hate to have to agree with what others have said about him turning this around on you, it is starting to sound like he's just not man enough to cancel/postpone the wedding so is pushing you to do it.

My advice would be to tell him that's what you intend to do and gauge his reaction.

If the worst happens surround yourself with friends and family and look after yourself. Make sure you eat and get outside as much as possible. Starving yourself will make you feel worse, this is the voice of experience.

It won't feel like it initially but it will get easier and quicker than you think.

Hope you get sorted, I've been thinking about you all day

Xx

Oh Hun sorry to hear this hope u are ok xx

I really hope this isn't the case :'(

Xxxxx