My mum has 1 brother and 1 sister. Her brother was married to a lovely lady who I still regard as my Aunt even thought they are now divorced.
He has since re-married and his new wife is awful, she doesn't attend family events (or allow my uncle/cousins to attend either) they always have an excuse for not being able to manage. She doesn't let his sons from another relationship into their house and they aren't even allowed to meet their half brothers and sister.
I am having a smallish venue for my wedding which has maximum capacity of 60 and I decided that I wasn't inviting the 5 of them to the full event as I know they wouldn't come anyways espeically since his ex-wife and her kids (also my uncles kids) would be there. I do plan to invite them to the dance out of politeness although I know they'll probably have a highly important BBQ of a friend's to attend or something silly like that.
I told my Gramma that this was my intention and her reponse was "oh he will come, give him plenty notice" I said "No Gramma that is my final decision, they are getting an evening invite only"
The next thing I know she's phoning my mum and aunt and saying "Tell her if Michael isn't going then I won't be going". Although she's not said this directly to me I feel like she's trying to blackmail me.
My mum has paid a large chunk of this wedding so I asked her what she thought as I believe that if anyone should get a say in who is coming it should be her as she's paid so much of it. She told me she thinks I'm right and that she would rather have his ex-wife there too as we all still get along with her really well and she's much more of an aunt than his new wife is.
How should I approach my Gramma? Because right now I feel like I would go in with a defensive attitude and be like "fine, don't come I don't care" which is a lie, obviously I do care and want my Gramma there but I won't be blackmailed into having her there!?!
CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
dont approach her about it at all ...... you DONT have to justify your decision
how long till your wedding ? ( your profile is restricted so we cant go and look )
it is blackmail and id play her at her own game... id just say to her "ok nan that's fine" if she cant respect your decisions why should she still expect to come? x
Ill marry my hero
CommentAuthorBeckyU98
i wouldnt approach her about it at all. if she really wasnt going to come to your wedding then she would have told you. shes just saying it to try and kick up a fuss. just forget about it im sure it will all blow over. just stick to your guns. you dont want to waste 5 places at your wedding if people dont turn up! x
CommentAuthorStephanieM71
I would do as the others suggest and not say anything to her about you knowing what she told the others. I doubt if she actually means that she won't come - as Becky said, she would have said it to you.
If she brings it up with you could say something along the lines of 'I would really like you to be at my wedding as I would love you to see me get married, and you would be missed as you are important to me, but I respect your decision and hope it doesn't affect our relationship as grandmother and grandaughter'.
It's entirely up to you who you invite to your wedding, I'm pretty sure I won't be popular with everyone once my invites go out, I haven't spoken to anyone (except h2b obviously) about the guest list since my mum kicked off over who was and wasn't invited. Figured I will deal with the fall out later lol
I would stand firm, as she might well change her mind when she realises that you are not going to change. You don't need to discuss it with her, it's up to her whether to come or not.
30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.
CommentAuthorBecky1608
Definitely stand by your decision! You don't want to feel awkward on your wedding day. Hopefully she'll come around and realise that she is being unreasonable!! Xxx
29/09/2008 - The Day we met
12/11/2008 - When we decided to be more than friends
04/11/2012 - A proposal in Central Park NYC
08/11/2014 - The day we say I do!
CommentAuthorLauraY27
Do not let other people push you into making a decision you don't want to!!
I'm having one of my aunt and uncles come to the day and the others will be invited in the evening, although I know they won't come. I don't see either very often but when my grandma told the ones that aren't invited that I'm getting married he said "oh, is that because she's pregnant"!! How rude and judgemental!!
Stick to your guns!! X
CommentAuthorLouiseK80
HI Guys
Thanks for your replies :) I think my profile is public now Lala - I'm new to this site.
The way I see it is if she's really not going to come if he doesn't then she won't be coming regardless because if I don't invite him she won't come and if I do invite him he still won't come therefore she won't either...
With space for 60 guests divided by 2 means I get 30 guests and if I invite the 5 of them that 1/6th of my guests taken up with people I don't really want there.
You guys are right, I'm not inviting them, they can have a courteous evening invite and be thankful!! xx
CommentAuthorCharlieBe-Cool
I wouldnt say anything either. Id let her get to the day and wonder why he isnt there lol! But I'm childish like that!
Met my prince charming - May 2002
Finally tying the knot - July 2015
Where there is love there is life - Muhatma Ghandi
CommentAuthorbarbie86
Stand firm; if she chooses not to come, that is her choice. And if it does come down to that, think about whether you want her there anyway.
One thing OH and I will NOT compromise on or be bullied on is the guest list. If someone doesn't like it, they have the choice not to come. Most recently, his mother has been uninvited; this may well mean that his uncle, aunt, and 3 cousins, and also his great uncle and aunt, don't come. We will be speaking to them and explaining the situation, but if they choose not to come, that is ultimately their decision.
CommentAuthorLouiseK80
She's still not mentioned it to me, but she has mentioned it to my mum again. I think she's hoping I get the message from my mum and react - her latest to my mum was "you only have 1 brother and if he's not going i'm not going". My dad has 2 sisters and neither of them are getting a full invite but no one on his side are holding a hissy fit about it.
I am so over this. She's the main reason we are getting married at home instead of abroad as we'd originally hoped because she's afraid to fly I said to OH that I couldn't get married abroad and leave her here, bloody wish I had now!
CommentAuthorHayley Elizabeth
Oh hun, I'd just stick to your guns because if you feel so strongly about it, you don't want it to ruin your wedding day! xxx
