Hi girls! I have been really upset over the last couple of days over something that probably shouldnt upset me but it does!
My Fiances cousin is planning on wearing a floor length navy blue dress to the wedding. our wedding isnt formal and this has been shown by informal invites and simple ideas and inserts. And the fact that she has heard us say this a million times!! She is not a bridesmaid but my bridesmaid dresses are literally floor length strapless navy blue/green dresses! My Mother in law was even the one to ask me if it worried me about the dress being so similar to the bridesmaids dresses!!
Really usure how to go about this. I know its a minor issue but if you knew what she was like in general you would be on my side girls!
I cant come out and say it to her because she will know she has got to me and that will be a score for her
HELP!
lots of love girls
xxxx
Will be so proud to call myself a soldiers wife,
a wife of a true hero
CommentAuthorbrilly
Maybe ask one of her family to suggest to her its out of order hun, I would be upset aswell I would also tell your mil how you feel as she must know the cousin is doing it to be a b***h to put it politely and mil knows this or wouldnt of asked if it bothered you. I would just ask one of the family to have a word and state that its a little weird wanting to wear a similar dress to the bridesmaids when shes not one xx
31st August 2013 I became Mrs Carrick
Cant wait to do it all over again in 2018
CommentAuthorScottishbride2016
That is really bad . Can't you even add little accessories/ to your bridesmaids dresses so all you'd guests will know who the bridesmaids are x
CommentAuthorSoldier Wife to be!
Thanks for not thinking me pathetic girls
The bridesmaids dresses are really simple because that is what we are going for. They are all beautiful inside and out and this cousin is certainly not beautiful inside. Very spoilt and always wanting the centre of attention. And i know she willl do her best to take it away from us on the big day.
She has no respect for my lovely MIL and her mother just agrees with anything she does and says. So a bit stuck really!
Iv asked my H2B to mention something but he is in the army and not home much and i wouldnt want it to be done over email etc.
Thanks so much for your replies
Has anyone else had issues like this with attention seeker guests?xxxxx
Will be so proud to call myself a soldiers wife,
a wife of a true hero
CommentAuthorbrilly
I would maybe have a word with her hun just tell her if she cant stick to what the invite said and is not willing to change her dress then not to bother coming, if shes a spoilt brat she will hate being told what to do or just drop in to convo that people will joke about how shes trying to look like the bridesmaids, or let her wear it and let people see how sad she is trying to imitate your bridesmaids xx
31st August 2013 I became Mrs Carrick
Cant wait to do it all over again in 2018
brilly thanks hun.. Its stupid she is 16 years old yet i am scared to tell her how i reallly feel becasue she has quite a nasty streak and i have always wanted to be accepted by the whole of his family. but my MIL and FIL are amazing so i guess thats the most important.
Going to try and get H2B to have a word when he is next back from barracks xxxxxxxx
Will be so proud to call myself a soldiers wife,
a wife of a true hero
CommentAuthorbrilly
I would just stand firm hun its your day and the cousin should accept that, fingers crossed you get it all sorted out hun try not to stress to much over it xx
31st August 2013 I became Mrs Carrick
Cant wait to do it all over again in 2018
CommentAuthorLinzi-jo
She isn't going to upstage you or your bridesmaids Hun, she is going to look like an idiot! Everyone will be able to see that she is not part of the bridal party and quite frankly she will just look like a pathetic little girl who wants to be more than she is, and that is what others will see her as too! Let her wear it and make a fool out of herself, she will soon get sick and tired of people asking why she is wearing a similar dress and it will p her right off! Xxx
Got together 14.02.2008
Got engaged 31.12.2010
Will become a Mrs on 30.08.2014 xxxxxx
CommentAuthorInDreamland
Exactly my thoughts. She'll only make herself look stupid, everyone will see what she is trying to do, not actually being in the bridal party but trying to look like she is, let her make herself look like an attention seeker and your guests can form their opinions.
She doesn't know what your bridesmaids dresses are exactly does she? Can you not tell her anything about the wedding so she can't copy the look?
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorSandyG83
If she is only 16 why arent her parents stepping in and telling her thats not appropriate dress when clearly the invites state informal. I agree with others she will make a fool of herself and show herself as the brat she is. Xx
CommentAuthorLauraK7
I agree maybe just let her do it everyone will know she's not part if the bridal party Or if t really is bothering you get h2b to have a word with her Think there's always one attention seeker at every wedding x
It would be upset, too, but I also think, that people will know on the day what she is trying to do.
CommentAuthorclairenina
I don't think she is trying to upstage you. She is 16, and just wants to dress up and look mature maybe. She probably has no idea what she is planning to wear will upset you. Maybe a quiet word to explain the dress code, I'm sure she'd understand, she probably hasn't had alot of experience with what to wear, or have any common sense that she needs to be more understated
CommentAuthorShowgirl
A friend of ours once wore a red dress to another friend's wedding not realising that the bridesmaids would be wearing similar red dresses - given the invites had a big red ribbon on I knew red was a colour to avoid but she apparently didn't realise. She was mortified when she realised and with everyone pointing at her (plus a little good natured ribbing from us) she slipped off to a nearby service station during the welcome drinks and bought a shawl to cover up a little. I'd let the cousin wear the dress - she'll get all the attention she wants, just of the bad kind. If you want to be nice to her then you can always say to your MIL that based on other people's experiences you're worried people will be laughing at her behind her back if she shows up matching the bridesmaids... No doubt MIL would then relay that back to the cousin's parents and the family are likely to then try and convince the cousin to wear something else.
CommentAuthorBethanyS
I agree with the other girls, I don't think she is trying to up stage you. She is just being a normal 16 year old and wants to make herself look beautiful, but its YOUR day. Nobody is going to upstage you at all, no matter what they are wearing :) x
CommentAuthorNicky2988
Regardless of what she wears, she's not going to upstage you hun. She won't be a patch on you hun. Try not to let it get to you xx
CommentAuthorkatielea100
i agree with nicky all us brides need to remember it doesnt matter what other guests wear colour or style youll stand out as the bride and your bridesmaids as the bridesmaids dont stress over it remember why your actually getting married xx
CommentAuthorBecky1608
She definitely won't upstage you and your BMs but if you're really upset then I'd have a word with her parents. I'm sure they wouldn't want to upset you! xxx
29/09/2008 - The Day we met
12/11/2008 - When we decided to be more than friends
04/11/2012 - A proposal in Central Park NYC
08/11/2014 - The day we say I do!
CommentAuthorAmyK
Sounds like she probably doesn't realise the etiquette/potential embarassment she may cause herself or is trying to look all grown up & sophisitcated. Perhaps just explain to her that if she wears a big long formal gown, she won't be able to relax, let her hair down & have a good time like everyone else will - after all, you wouldn't want her sat in a corner (tired from wearing a stupid dress that everyone keeps standing on, herself included!) while everyone is dancing, relaxing & having a good time. But, i suppose its better that shes gone in that direction rather than a too-tight too-short tarty number perhaps??
CommentAuthorSoldier Wife to be!
Thanks everyone for your posts. means a lot.
She definately knows the colours and definately understands that it is not done and she is doing it for attention. she thinks she is more 26 than 16! and her mum is the same even asking me if she could wear a white dress if it wasnt long!! i plain said no way!!
but its so difficult. hard to explain the whole situation but basically if anyone has anything that focuses on them and not her then she willl try and find a way to make herself stand out and be seen.
But from the majority of comments i think i will just let her wear it. When all my friends and her other cousins and my family are not wearing formal gowns and are in pretty spring dresses and wedges she will loo the daft one.
I cant tell her anything about the wedding now becauase she will either tell everyone or try and sabotage that too! She thinnks she is more important to my H2B than me because im not blood! (what she said when he was in afghan to my sis in law) so that is the type of girl she is!!
my bridesmaids are really simple strapless dark blue dresses almost like maxi dresses. hers is very similar but with bling so i think you girls are right she will look stupid!
Will be so proud to call myself a soldiers wife,
a wife of a true hero
CommentAuthorRachelE118
Tell her the complete opposite to what you are doing then. Childish yes. Satisfying? Oh completely!! Hang in there tho and remember all eyes will be on you and your bridesmaids, not her xx
CommentAuthorAmyK
In which case, if I was there I would be sooooo tempted to ask her if I could see her bouquet (assuming your BMs all had bouquets), then wait for the awkward silence after she has to admit she's not actually a bridesmaid... (Bwahahaha!!) silly little madam!
CommentAuthorAmyK
Oh, what about a cute floaty chiffon sash for your BMs, in a contrasting colour to match your dress, make them a bit more definitely bridesmaidy so cousin looks odd?
CommentAuthorSoldier Wife to be!
ahhaaaaaaa im gonna get soemone to do that AmyK!! We have a family friend who is hilarious, posh lady in her 60s and totally inappropriate i love her! going to get her to ask her ;) thats perfect!!
thats a lovely idea but i liked the dresses because they were so simple as im getting married by the sea and wanted a floaty simple beachy look xxxxxxx
rachel if she asks any more i will TOTALLY do that x xxxx
Will be so proud to call myself a soldiers wife,
a wife of a true hero
CommentAuthorShowgirl
Hahaha love the idea of telling her the theme has changed, perhaps to something like an "80's ballet recital" and the bridesmaids will now be wearing pink tutus with flourescent leg warmers... if you do tell her that and she actually turns up wearing it, PLEASE post a pic!
CommentAuthorAmyK
^^^ yup - ditto!! :-)
CommentAuthorSoldier Wife to be!
haha i will! im pretty sure if you are all normal ladies (which you seem!!) would want to throttle her! ;) xxxx
Will be so proud to call myself a soldiers wife,
a wife of a true hero
CommentAuthorLauraJo87
It is very inconsiderate of her...
At our cousins wedding, I must admit I did wear a dress that I had previously worn as bridesmaid - but I did check with the bride first! (Mine was sage and tea length, the bridesmaids were navy floor length).
However, I wouldn't waste time worrying about it - no-one will notice or care what she's wearing and she will look pathetic.
I wonder if you could arrange for a neutral relative to say to her before the wedding - 'don't you think you'll look a bit silly/pathetic/desperate wearing the same as the bridesmaid dresses?'
Xx
My Beating Heart Belongs To You
30 August 2013
The First Day Of My Happily Ever After
CommentAuthorrachymoo
Yep I would just let her wear it and make herself look like a tool :-)
CommentAuthorSoldier Wife to be!
rach thats what i will do! laurajo im hoping that my H2B will say something like that off the cuff nearer the wedding! cant believe how soon it is though!!!!! xxxxx
Will be so proud to call myself a soldiers wife,
a wife of a true hero
CommentAuthorPang
This is a bit stressful isn't it! I would let her do what she wants and she will feel really silly. People may even sask if she's a bridesmaid.. She will reply no, and they'll be like... Errrr wtf are you wearing that!
The mother asking if she can wear a short white dress is even more ridiculous! She has no excuses!
CommentAuthorSoldier Wife to be!
i know! they are so annoying Pang!! seriously they want attetion on them the whole time! if its a happy occasion for someone else theyre not interested unless they do something to show themselves up, even if it makes people unhappy xxxxxx
Will be so proud to call myself a soldiers wife,
a wife of a true hero
CommentAuthorDonnaH39
I thought I had it bad with my MIL announcing she is going to have at least one dress change during the day :/
I'd do what I think you've already decided to do, just ignore her, if someone else can say something before then great but I think by the sounds of it she'd like the attention, it's only themselves that they're showing up.
CommentAuthorSoldier Wife to be!
Donna you have hit the nail on the head, she loves the attention. i know a lot of people will say well she is 16 years old so she will obviously need attention but its on another level that i cant even explain! my MIL isnt a fan as she has upset my younger sister in law numerous times throughout their lives! 'you know what she's like' is what she said in a text to me hha xxx
Will be so proud to call myself a soldiers wife,
a wife of a true hero
CommentAuthorElinor Claire
Surely everyone knows that you don't wear white to someone else's wedding.
30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.
CommentAuthorSoldier Wife to be!
you would think wouldnt you elinor. i think thats why she wanted to do it!! xxx
Will be so proud to call myself a soldiers wife,
a wife of a true hero
CommentAuthorLauraK7
OMg I've warned ppl I'm going to throw them out if they try to upstage me ha ha I would be tempted to tell her everything is opposite to what it really is too x
CommentAuthorSoldier Wife to be!
Laura i think its because i had a convo with a few people that she was there and i joked that id throw them out if theyh came in white or tried to upstage me!! xxxxx
Will be so proud to call myself a soldiers wife,
a wife of a true hero
CommentAuthorcelticcurl
Why don't you arrange for one of your guests to 'accidentally' spill a glass of wine over her or drop a dessert into her lap!
CommentAuthorSoldier Wife to be!
PAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAA WONDERFUL XXX
Will be so proud to call myself a soldiers wife,
a wife of a true hero
