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  1.  
    • Soon2bMrsS
      CommentAuthorSoon2bMrsS
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Hi all! Please excuse me venting on here now but I'm feeling a bit grr!
    Me and H2B are not having a gift list but instead we are asking for money to put towards our honeymoon in the new year (that's if they want to. It's completely optional). Now H2B's uncle lives in germany and asked H2B's mother what we would like for a gift but she said to us that she feels uncomfortable just saying money. Me and H2B had a talk about whats best to tell her to say when we came up with the idea of putting a little letter in with the invitation saying how instead of a guest list we would like contributions to the honeymoon. I rang MIL2B to say that she needn't worry coz we were going to do this. She then proceeded to leave a message on my answerphone a mintue later to say how she wasn't happy and not to put a letter in the invitation to her brother and that she doesn't like the fact that we are asking for money for the honeymoon anyway. She did point out that he is flying in for the wedding and having to rent a car and everything (which we DO appreciate!) and doesn't feel that he should be asked for money. I am perfectly happy not to recieve anything, it doesn't phaze me in the slightest but she is insisting that we ask for something. Now me and h2b have lived together for 2 years and have everything we need so we feel that asking for something other than honeymoney is wasteful. I just don't understand her reasoning of how he is spending lots of money to come so he should be asked to buy a gift and not money... now how is he going to pay for this gift? WITH MONEY.
    I'm just really gutted because we have had hard times with her before but lately things have been good and we have been getting along nicely and now this has happened. Also there are more of her family coming (obviously) who have not asked and will probably ask once the invitation has been recieved (if we don't send the letter which we are having second thoughts about) so what is she gonna tell all of them? Am I being a B**ch?
  2.  
    • x~Hails~x
      CommentAuthorx~Hails~x
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    My mother was exactly the same hunni.
    We have asked for money towards a new sofa and beds as like you we have lived together awhile and dont really need anything else but my mother wasnt happy and said there was no way she was telling people to give us money (we have a poem in our invites).
    So we decided to do a small gift list and give people the option of money or gifts.....we are doing one with argos and have put silly things on it and things that will go with the bigg things we want the money for so we have things like bedding, cushions and we have even put tea spoons on the list lol as they always seem to go missing in this house!
    Hopefully that way we are covering everybody this way (all my friends and most of my family have already said they will be giving us money anyway so its only to shut the mother up lol)

    Members signature icon
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    For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart
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  3.  
    • Soon2bMrsS
      CommentAuthorSoon2bMrsS
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    hahaa teaspoons always go missing in my house too! It's a bit annoying because I just think that it is our day and this is what we really want. We can't really afford to go on honeymoon just paying by ourselves and it's what we really want. I think as long as we do it in a tactful way no one would get offended :S I have told the people that I see quite regularly already that this is what we are asking for and no one has had a problem with it so I can't see what the problem is. We thought h2b's uncle would be thankful he doesn't need to lug something over anyway. I just wish we could sit down with her and have a frank discussion about this but I know it will just end up as an argument! I feel bad for h2b coz he does anything for a quiet life but there's always something for her to moan about when it comes to us!
  4.  
    • mrssmith2b
      CommentAuthormrssmith2b
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    there is nothing wrong with asking for money hun, we are having a money poem in our invites as we need money towards a honeymoon :)x
  5.  
    • x~Hails~x
      CommentAuthorx~Hails~x
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    pERSONALLY i THINK ITS OUR PARENTS GENERATION LOL AS IT WASNT THE DONE THING THEN.
    iTS ALL THE RANGE NOWADAYS HUNNI SO GO FOR IT.............THERES A FEW THREADS ON HERE WITH GIFT POEMS IF YOU NEED ANY IDEAS. SO JUST USE THE SEARCH AND YOU SHOULD FIND SOME GREAT ONES (IF YOU CANT FIND ANY GIVE ME A SHOUT AND I'LL BUMP SOME UP FOR YOU)



    ops just relised i was shouting.......sorry!

    Members signature icon
    UKBride moderator both on here and on facebook

    For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart
    It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.
  6.  
    • MrsC2B
      CommentAuthorMrsC2B
      BadgeBadge
     
    If the money is going towards your honeymoon, could you ask for gift vouchers for a travel agent instead?
    I don't like giving money TBH and would much rather give a gift voucher instead as then it can't be used for anything else.
    You can get different elements of your honeymoon costed up so people can contribute to the accomodation, car hire, travel insurance etc.
    xx
  7.  
    • lisa123
      CommentAuthorlisa123
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    we are also asking for cash towards honeymoon and i found some really nice small cards from the bay of e with lovely poems in which we are putting in with our invites :)

    We haven’t got a wedding list,
    The reasons we’ll explain
    It’s to save you all the hassle
    As shopping is a pain.

    We thought we’d ask you all,
    For something else instead
    A small contribution towards,
    A holiday in the med.

    So if you’d like to contribute
    Towards our honeymoon,
    We offer you our heartfelt “Thanks!”
    With love,


    the Bride & Groom.


    We know it's not traditional
    It's not the way it's done
    Instead of wedding presents
    we'd like a bit of fun
    Please don’t think we’re rude
    please don’t take offence
    We do not want to upset you
    that's not the way it's meant
    We've lived together for a while
    and all the bills are paid
    We've got our plates, our pots and pans
    our bed is already made
    So if you'd like to give a gift
    to help us celebrate
    Some money to enjoy ourselves
    we would appreciate

    For a couple of years we’ve lived in sin,
    we have a toaster, a kettle and a stainless steel bin,
    saucepans and towels we have many,
    corkscrews and flannels we don’t need any,
    we just want you with us to celebrate our day,
    but if you insist on a gift anyway,
    What we’d really like is a gift of money,
    we hope you don’t think we’re being funny!
    We’ll put it all together and buy something that’s best,
    as a reminder of our day and our wonderful guests!

    Because at first we lived in sin
    We’ve got the sheets and a rubbish bin
    A gift from you would be swell
    But we’d prefer a donation to our Wishing Well!

    hope these help xx

    Members signature icon
    Cant wait to be married
    must loose weight!!
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    current weight 9st 10lbs
  8.  
    • katie1991
      CommentAuthorkatie1991
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Hey hun what about asking for gift card for one travel agents then it's not money and people might be a bit more happy about doing that and u will prob get enough to pay for a really nice honeymoon xx
  9.  
    • EmmaLouise
      CommentAuthorEmmaLouise
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Same issues hon, we wanted money but people seem to want to give us gifts, I think it's because people know you can see how much they spend, could you ask for holiday vouchers instead? We are thinking we may have to have a list and ask for money, we want a deposit for a house and it would be so much more useful than new stuff to replace the old stuff we already have, I honestly don't really want for anything except a house of our own! x
  10.  
    • Soon2bMrsS
      CommentAuthorSoon2bMrsS
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    sorry I haven't replied but for some reason it didn't show up as having new comments even tho I bookmarked it...nevermind
    though. I have sent out my invites and we decided not to put anything in with them. We thought we would just leave it to people to ask us if we do have a list and then tell them what we would really like (money/travel vouchers) I have barely spoken to MIL since...I think she is a bit unhappy with me lol!
  11.  
    • Soon2bMrsS
      CommentAuthorSoon2bMrsS
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Thanks btw for all your ideas x
  12.  
    • Madam Butterfly
      CommentAuthorMadam Butterfly
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Its very common nowadays to ask for money instead of a gift as most people live together before getting married. I think generations before didnt do that and thats why they find it odd and not the 'right' thing to do. Many brides on here are doing it and we may even do it - we dont live together yet, hoping to buy a house just before the wedding and are always buying things towards it so may not have things left to put on a gift list.
    And your right either way if he gives money or buys a gift he is still spending extra on top of travelling etc!
    Hope she sees sense that you have chosen to do the best thing! x

    Members signature icon
    You To Me Are Everything
    The Sweetest Song That I Could Sing
    Oh Baby
    16th June 2012 x
  13.  
    • lala "mod" bunni
      CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    we are doing the same as hails having a small gifts list as well as asking for money towards honeymoon .....as you say that way people can choose what they want to give if anything

  14.  
    • Mummy Geri
      CommentAuthorMummy Geri
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I think the main reason people dont want to just give money is incase they can only spend £30 or £40 and they dont want to seem cheap. Saying that if its what you and hubs want then its what yous get. Yous are being nice enough as to give options ( most wouldnt) and obviously MIL2B is probs more offended than most. So why dont you just sit her down and speak about it? I know you said it will end in arguement but surely its better you stand your ground and let her know your now a big part of that family than her keeping treating you any different? good luck babe :) damn inlaws lol xx

    bride-to-be Geri


 

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