i have a dilemma i have recently got in touch with my real father!!!! as mind blowing as that on his 1st email to me he has asked if i would like to meet him now im not stupid and i know i have to take things really slow but he states that he has been lookin for me over there years ect but im really worried about meeting him all ive ever wanted is a dad to call my own!! this is driving me crazy on one hand i really want to meet him find out about him his family ect... but on the other hand i feel scared in some way that he may not like me or be disappointed in me some how i need a little advise as the h2b is not helping very much as he says he has not been in this position ect which i understand but really i want support this is a very big thing for me as i have not been told anything about him in my whole life sorry about the long post im just not sure what to do im goin mad!!! thanks for reading xxxxx
CommentAuthorRoxy_Blade
Perhaps you could say to him that you would rather email him a bit more first, get to know him. That way you can ask questions about his family, tell him about yours that kind of thing but you don't have to worry about the awkward silence that you may get when you meet him.
Nobody can make the decision for you unfortunately. If you really can't decide, flip a coin. Heads you meet him - tails you don't. If you don't like the out come of the coin toss - you have your answer.
We're all here for support when you need it hun. Good luck!!
x
CommentAuthorVintageChic
I'd agree with Roxy about telling him you want to email more first. Definitely not something you should rush into
you sound like you have a sensible head on your shoulders hun so just follow your heart and meet him when you feel it's completely right.
xxxxxx
"Who, being loved, is poor?" -Oscar Wilde
- Moderator
CommentAuthorchezrudda
yea i would get to know him abit more b4 u meet, how did u find your dad??
Getting married at Langly Castle 23/3/12
CommentAuthorlittlemisssunshine
thanks everyone yeah i really agree but he told me he cant use facebook very easy! so i was thinking maybe to pass on my number to him ( wen i get a new phone in the week ) maybe he can text better than understanding emails ect...
chez i went on to google and seached a free electrol roll thing put in his name looked for it on facebook but couldnt hind him but he has a wife so i searched her on there and found her so i llooked through her friends for him but when i looked on his wall he hadnt been on for ages so i looked through his wall and found someone else with the same surname as him emailed him and it turns out his my uncle and he passed on the message for me so then i emailed my ''dad'' xxxx
Personally I wouldn't give him your telephone number yet hunni - you don't know this man yet try setting up an email account solely for his email then if god forbid anything does go wrong its easy to close & ignore xxx
9th June 2012 when two worlds collide
The Crazy Cat Lady and the Transformer Man!
TBH I would want to get this over and done with. No matter what he thinks of you, he has no right to think anything bad of you, he's put no hardwork and effort into bringing you up. What ever he does and doesn't think of you should have no effect on you. I would want to meet him on neutral ground and take back up with you. For example you and h2b go meet him in coffee shop, h2b could sit at another table while you talk if easier, but at least be in same building so this guy can't murder you :) Don't give him personal details ie. Where you work, live, phone number. You make the contact as and when you want and you control the situation :)
I'm now a married woman
I have a gorgeous husband
Whats to do now
Theres no more wedding planning to do
CommentAuthorKaya
My biological father stood me up the 1st time I was supposed to meet him, and only ever saw me after that when he was drunk (and stood me up many more times too). Then started giving me abuse for not seeing him enough and not being bothered.... errrr where was he for 22yrs???? Needless to say, I don't see him anymore.... just telling you this, so that you have an idea of how it could be. Cos I'm still hurt by this.... soo just wanted to warn you of how it could be. x
Now Mrs Cobb!!!!!! :-D
CommentAuthorlittlemisssunshine
sorry to hear that kaya and i know what u both mean i dont think he would be the murder type though lol but i guess u never no all i have told him so far is that i live in the same area as i was born im just miffted by it all thanks anyway ladies xxxxx
CommentAuthorAtaraxia
I would meet him, as everyone said, with back-up and the big thing is not to expect anything of him. He could be anyone and with things like this, one person usually turns up with different expectations to the other. Sometimes the child turns up expecting a big reunion and to discover they have loads in common and like all the same things and both want a relationship to develop and to know their parent/child more. Others just turn up because they are curious or whatnot, and have no interest in developing any relationship.
As he says he's been looking for you, he might want to get to know you or he might just be curious about who you are. He will have a whole life that you haven't been part of, and you will have one that HE won't be part of... if he has other children, he will have to consider them as well... and his wife's wishes... she might worry about him meeting a child from a previous relationship etc.
Sorry for the essay... I have never met my dad but I know that if he ever did contact me I would want to meet him just to see what kind of person he is, and where I came from...so I would never have to wonder 'What if I had gone?'.
Got married 27th June and blessed on July 5th 2012
Finally Mrs M :3
Love, love... Here we are.
CommentAuthorRachie :D
I think its your right to be miffed hun take ur time & do what's right for you xxx
9th June 2012 when two worlds collide
The Crazy Cat Lady and the Transformer Man!
CommentAuthorlittlemisssunshine
ataraxia i understand what u are sayin i think i may ask him what he wants from be before i even meet him im not goin to get my hope up or anything anyway and yes i think he may have other children who are a lot younger than me well im still waiting for a email back off him i have only had one and waiting around for a emails is so frustrating!
CommentAuthorAtaraxia
Ask him if you want, but he might not know yet and if he says he does want to get to know you or that he feels as though he owes it to you to try and make up for not being there... it doesn't really give you much of a choice. Either one of you could really enjoy meeting up but then it might not be best for you, or for him to continue the relationship and that's when people get hurt and might cause problems. I would just follow your heart, if you want to meet him then go... just don't let yourself jump feet first until you know you won't get hurt :) All the best though, hoping you both get what you need from getting in contact with each other x
Got married 27th June and blessed on July 5th 2012
Finally Mrs M :3
Love, love... Here we are.
CommentAuthorsarahwasabride
best of luck whatever happens hope everything works out for u xxx
CommentAuthorGoff
Take the bull by the horns and do it.
I met my bio dad after 30 odd years.
We have rarely spoken about what happened int he past as its all water under the bridge as far as i am concerned and he and my mum were the grown ups back then and i was just a child.
We get on well and things are good.
Im glad we got in touch.... i have another massive family including a half brother and sister and the coolest step brother ever lol
UKB Mad Scientist
Ride it like ya stole it.....
I'm a flippin ORTHOTIST
CommentAuthorMina
littlemisssunshine- i have been there.
my stepdad walked out when i was 13 and a couple of days later, i was told that he wasn't my father and i did a lot of searching; 2 1/2 years later i received my first letter from him- that was in the june when i was doing my GCSEs and then his wife invited me to their wedding in the november. it was the scariest coach journey down to the south west on my own to meet family before a family wedding.
take the bull by the horns and do it BUT don't get your hopes completely raised in case there are any setbacks. it's going to be a huge emotional rollercoaster and there are going to be some really good times and some really s h i t times but personally, it's a good experience because you'll find out som much about yourslef that you never knew before.
here if you want to trade any future horror stories or if you need a sounding board.
CommentAuthorEmsy5000
didn't want to read and run but have no exsperances in this department so no words of wisdom for you. just hope whatever you choose you choose right for you HUGS
Dyslexic
its spelt wrong
I No! I Now! I Know!!!!!
I am NOW MRS LONSDALE!!
CommentAuthorOuttahere
I think what you are feeling is only natural hun. Definitely meet him. If you don't, you'll be forever thinking what if. What have you got to lose? xxx
CommentAuthorlittlemisssunshine
hiya ladies well i have emailed him last night askin what it is he wants from me ie a relationship or just to find out bout me ect but i have not had anything back yet i think i am goin to go for it and meet him!! like u have said what have i got to lose, i dont have a clue what has happened in the past i have never seen him and i dont even no if he was around when i was born but i have never asked my mum about him as i dont want to upset her so i am goin in there blind as it would be are somthing like that i feel much better now i have read what u all think and im glad it worker out for u goff and u mina i will keep u posted any way lol thanks again xxxxx
CommentAuthorLittle Miss Bump
i hope it all turns out well for you xxx
CommentAuthorMina
sometimes it's best not to ask parents why it didn't work because it can give you a tainted view of that person and may even give a misleading one. if you're going to meet your dad, it would be worth sitting your mum down and explaining what you're doing and why because if she finds out another way; it'll put a strain on your relationship.
when my mum found out i'd been searching all that time on my own, i think she felt a little upset because i hadn't told her what was going on in my head (there were a few turbulent years around that time for the family) and i think she felt a little pushed to one side especially as she needed me with all the things going on in her life at the time. she actually tried to put me off meeting him by telling me lies such as my grandparents were racist (i have dual nationality), my dad was an alcoholic etc but it turns out none of the stories were even true.
i don't know what your relationship is like with your mother but reassurance that you love her and that meeting your dad wont change things between you is something she may need to hear.
CommentAuthorXLittleMissMe!X
Too be honest I think that you should just get it over and done with as the longer you leave it the more your imagination will build a picture of him etc etc which isn't always a good thing. Stop building up things like what to expect from each other and what kind of relationship you both want. Just meet up with no preconditions. Find out how you get on as two people and take it from there. If you start putting expectations on each other on how you think things should go then it will put added pressure on you both. Its better when you can just wipe the slate clean and see how you get on together. You will soon know from there where you both would like things to go.
I met my biological brother a few months back after 15 years. It was strange to say the least but not half as bad as I thought it would be.
CommentAuthorlittlemisssunshine
THIS IS A UPDATE.....
i have met my dad today for the first time it went really well!!! he wants to meet again soon he is extremely happy that i found him and he wants the same as me thanks for all of your support this looks like the start of a good new relationship for us both time has flown by today and hardly feels like i have had chance to speak to him but as he left we had a little more chat with out the h2h there and we exchanged a lots of hugs!! yay xxxxx
CommentAuthorCowChop
bless ya hun, I'm glad it went well. x
CommentAuthorKerrylmac
So happy for you, glad it went well x
CommentAuthorRachie :D
Really pleased for you hunni xxxx
9th June 2012 when two worlds collide
The Crazy Cat Lady and the Transformer Man!
CommentAuthorMina
lovely, hope it goes well
CommentAuthorMrs Steer
really glad it went well :) xx
Is now happily married to my gorgeous man
11-06-11
CommentAuthorlittlemisssunshine
thank u every one he wants me to meet his family soon and his wife helped look for me with him !! xxx
CommentAuthorMrsCandlin2B
Glad it went well for you, and well done for making the decision and going for it. I hope it continues to get better and better!
CommentAuthorCroc
aww glad it went well for you.... iv never met my real dad dont know his name or even if he was around for the birth/pregnancy of me and tbh i dont think i ever want to meet him, iv never asked my mum i know my step dad isnt my real dad but he has given me the best upbringing ever and more of a dad to me and i call him dad too.... i dunno to me a dad is more than biological .....but am glad it went well for you and i hope the future is happy for you both x
"better a witty fool, than a foolish wit" shakespeare
CommentAuthorGriff
I'm so glad it went well for you hun! I had everything crossed! Can I uncross them now though? it's starting to get painful..... ;) xx
CommentAuthorlittlemisssunshine
lol griff thanks for keepin every thing crossed for so long u may find u will be stuck like it now lol but yes u can uncross thanks xxxxxxx
CommentAuthorLittle Miss Bump
so glad it went well, and i hope it continues to go well xx
