I have 4 bridesmaids and I am paying for their dresses, hair and makeup to be done on the day. I have picked out nice dresses for them from a selection in Debut in Debenhams and am hoping to get them or something similar next year. I have asked my bridesmaids if they mind getting their own shoes and accessories....all but one say this is fine. My bestest friend who I have know for years has told me I am selfish to ask her to pay for this and that I should be paying for everything...I really don't want to fall out with her over this as I really want her by my side on my big day....Am I being selfish asking her to buy them shoes and accessories??
CommentAuthorb2bnicola
My god not at all! U shudnt even have to explain to her why ur not paying for them! Id jsut be blunt n say u can only afford the dress and i want everyone in the same shoes n accessories so this is all im asking you to pay for - if u cant then sorry u cant be a bridesmaid Obv not that harsh but u get the point! Id be livid! The cheek of it! How r u being selfish exactly? xx
Happily Married! :) xxx
CommentAuthorMrs (Dove) Pidgeon
edited
Check its not a money issue- she may be saying she can't afford certain shoes.
I just let my BMs chose there own so they can afford them.
Now a extremely happy German housewife and now a Mother!!!!
Islay Jean born 24th June in Hannover.
CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
if you end up paying for them i would ask to have them back at the end of the day as you can then put them on ebay and recoop some of your money .........
I don't think you are being unfair at all. I was a bridesmaid last year and I had to buy my own dress, shoes and paid for my hair etc it & it wasn't a problem at all! xxx
Im asking my bridesmaids to pay for their shoes - and thats it. 1 of my bridesmaids is really skint and totally struggling to pay for anything let alone stuff for our wedding so i think we'll probs get hers - n just ask everyone else for the shoe money x
Happily Married! :) xxx
CommentAuthorlittle miss red head
I think thats entirley reasonable, every time I've been a bridesmaid they've bought the dress (which I've always been allowed to keep)and some have paid for my hair some haven't I've always done my own make up and used my own shoes, even if its not a money issue you shouldn't have to pay for everything
CommentAuthorCarolanneJune
just try and explain to her that you cannot afford it and you can even sugar coat it a littl bit saying, by lettng the bridesmaids get there own shoes and accesories you ensure each bridesmaid feels comfortable in shoes that they have picked. they will be stood around for a long time taking pics ect so i'm sure that as your best friend if you sit her down and calmly discuss it she will be fine and i'm sure she is not trying to hurt u on purpose xx
CommentAuthorJoolsy
I am buying my bridesmaid there whole outfit including shoes just because i feel bad as I have asked them to be my BM so I couldn't then justify asking them to pay for their shoes and two of my bridesmaids are only 14 and 15 so I would have to ask their parents and I just wouldn't do it so If i'm paying for theirs it's not fair to leave the rest out!! I would just speak to your BM it might be like dove said a money issue maybe she cannot afford it and she is too proud to admit it. xx
Officially Mrs Julie-Anne Muir
CommentAuthorKirstyLeonard2B
I was a bridesmaid a couple of years ago were I had to pay for everything dress, shoes and accessories. I didn't mind at all the only thing I got annoyed at is when she felt she had the right to ask me for the dress so she could sell it and keep the money. Although I am paying for my bridesmaid but I'm only having one.
CommentAuthorlittle_maus
wow kirsty she asked you for the dress you payd for that shocking im gobsmacked by that thays just greedy !!!, im paying for the dresses and any accessorys and my bridesmaids are being so lovely about it they know its all i can afford to pay for but ive agreed that even though it my wedding an im paying for them i want it something they can wear again and all different neck lines so its not like they have the same dress they choose there dresses but i have final say so long as it ties in with my theme im happy im pretty relaxed when it comes to it all i want different is i only want my MOH in a long dress and the others in knee length i cant wait to go shoppin with them xx so you not out of order askin them to pay for the rest surely if they cared they wouldnt even give it a second thought anyway there shoes dont have to match exactly do they so long as its close to the same ??
CommentAuthortrustmeimawoman
i'm buying my bm's dresses and can't really asl them to pay for their shoes as one is my daughter and she will be 13 and other one is my soon to be neice who will be 20 and feel it's not fair if i buy one and not other but then how can my daughter pay as she will only be 13 so it's gonna be a difficult one for me
CommentAuthormrs pinkalice
i asked my bridemaids to buy their own dresses and 2 of them kicked off as well. i showed them by budget list and was like this is why i can't afford to buy them i think they understand a bit more now. if they are going to keep the dresses afterwards then i think it makes sense for them to pay for them anyway! x
CommentAuthorlittle_maus
you can totaly have your niece pay she is 20 pleanty old enough she probhas shoes in her closet she can use from nights out lol xxx (trustmeimawoman) xxx my sister has graciously agreed to pay for hers and my nieces shoes lol i hva fab bridesmaids lol xx
CommentAuthorlittle_maus
my main prob is my bridesmaids will prob out shine me on my day lol cos they are all stunners in my eyes an slim an tall lol an im short a size 16 and not much of a gilry girl lol but oh well i love them all to bits an wouldnt have it any other way lol there pics are on my profile (deos anyone else have problems uploading pics using simple uploader?)
CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
i totally agree ......if they are keeping items they pay for them
I am letting them keep the dresses. I just thought it would be easier if they each picked shoes they were comforable in. I have spoken with her now and she says its because she doesnt like my colour scheme. I have just said I really want her to be there next to me on my big day and can she just where it for the church and she can change at the reception if she wants to. That seems fair to me.
CommentAuthorlittle_maus
its you bloody wedding its not to her to like the colour scheme its to make you happy oorrr she is being difficult for ya
CommentAuthorOfficially Mrs Nicol
i dont think u are being unfair, she would probably ask that u do the same if it were her... its costly having 4 bridesmaids...
CommentAuthorlittle_maus
im having 4 bridesmaids and two flower girls so i no what you mean when it comes to expence hun xxxx your just gonna have to sit her down an tell her the budget and try reason with her let her know how hard it is to pay for a wedding xxxx good luck anyway hun xxx
CommentAuthorjenniebean
im having 4 bridesmaids and 1 flower girl we are paying for dresses and hair i have explained we just cant stretch to shoes for everyone and as they will be able to wear them again i think its only fair they pay for thier own they have all said this is fine and have even said they wouldnt mind contrbuting towards makeup and other accessories, the flower girl is our own daughter so we will obviously be paying for everything for her i really dont think its unreasonable to ask fo your aids to pay for shoes try and choose something that they will be able to wear again so they will get lots of use
CommentAuthorvintage lass
I can understand were your coming from chick...but have to add that I think that because its your wedding and you have asked your friend to have the privilege of being bm that you should pay for her outfit (including shoes)....sorry!!!! My reasons for this is.....obviously you'll be the one setting the colour, style etc, you cannot expect your bm to buy pink shoes if she doesn't like pink shoes (for example)! If you had explained that they would have to contribute to the costs at the time of asking them to be bm then thats a different situation...they were accepting a role where they knew this was a condition. Obviously at this stage if your finding it difficult paying for shoes etc try to come to some sort of compromise...would she be prepared to wear a pair of shoes that she already owns etc? Hope you get sorted hun....please dont be offended by my opinion xx
CommentAuthorLittlegerald
Hey Vintage Lass...I'm not offended at all darling. I have showed her a pair of shoes in Debenhams which are perfect and only cost £15. She laughed and said she didnt realise that I wasn't expecting her to pay over £100 for a pair of shoes!! Hehe my shoes cost me £20 from Red Herring in Debenhams so I said just go there and have a look all is fine now. She is really excited and said she is really excited and does like the colour scheme she was just worried she was going to be paying a lot for shoes!!
CommentAuthorshellay
no you are not selfish, all four of my bridesmaids offered to pay for everything, i didnt even ask them too, they said everyone they know has always paid for their dresses and wouldnt dream of me buying them and to spend the money elsewhere in the wedding, so no you are not being selfish, you are paying for the most expensive part x
I have know my soulmate for 27 years and on the 6th August
I married him and became Mrs Garnham.
It was most definitely the happiest day of my life.
I love married life !!!!
CommentAuthorb2bnicola
one of my bms said they were gettin changed at the reception i put my foot down cos i want all my wedding party in the same outfits for wen the evening guests arrive! its my wedding at the end of the day x
Happily Married! :) xxx
CommentAuthorCeCe
Hmmmmmmmmm now...I am a firm believer if you REQUEST someone to be in your wedding party then you pay for there outfit etc.
That said, I KNOW that ANY GOOD friend of mine I asked to help..buy shoes, pay for hair..etc WOULD do it if they where financially able, infact I would go as far as saying they would save the ££ is skint if there was enough time to do so!
I think your 'bestest' friend needs to reassess what is indeed 'selfish' really in the 'scheme of things', and if you insist on having her in the wedding party buy her stuff (make sure they are cra p shoes etc!) LOL then see if she keeps moaning?!
Some 'friends' are rubbish!
CommentAuthorMrs Alsbetty
no way! its usual practice these days! i think the selfish one is her, my god who's day is it?? well if she doesn't cough up then boot her out i would! haha x
Enjoying being a wifey!!
Currently baking a small person at last, took a while :)
CommentAuthorCeCe
..make her wear wellies and a 4th hand charity shop nylon frilly frock. She *may* consider her actions when it comes to her 'tight waddedness' and how she treats her pals...
CommentAuthorlayla24
Hey there your not being un reasonable at all I am buying the dresses and necklace and earrings but the necklace and earrings are our gift to the bridesmaids, i'm also buying my daughters shoes but asking the other bridesmaids to buy their own shoes that they are comfotable in. I'm doing their hair so all they have to pay for is the shoes.
Think you should sit the bridesmaids down and tell them the style you want and explain they are something you cant afford and see what they say. Maybe you could ask that one bridesmaid to do her own make up and use the money from the make up to get the shoes or put towards the shoes and she pay rest?
xx
CommentAuthorMrs Mara Tester
My BMs are paying for everything themselves, the only thing I've got for them is the headbands. None of them are worried about paying for their own outfits, shoes etc coz I told them that they would be paying when I asked them to be BMs. I don't think you are being selfish and I'm glad that your BM has come to her senses, lol. x
I can't believe we've actually done it
I am now Mrs Limara Tester
CommentAuthorRelfy
I paid for my 3 BM dresses, wraps and shoes but that only becasue could afford to and they picked one that they could wear again!! .... the way i see it.... if you wasnt BM then the chances are you would buy a new outfit..... so whats the problem??.... prehaps they wouldn't spend that much so there would need to be a discussion about it but thats all... x x
CommentAuthorCeCe
Mara...you seriously TOLD your BM's THEY will be buying dresses etc..?!!!!!!
CommentAuthorKesha
I agree with both sides. I am buying my bridesmaids dresses, jewelry, shoes, and paying for make up and hair. That is because I know how I want them to look and I asked them to be bridesmaids so therefore I pay for it. If they used their own money they would get all sorts and probably not match! I dont like telling them what to buy with their own money.
CommentAuthorJoolsy
I have 5 BM's and 2 Flowergirls and my opinion is that I asked them to be BM's so can't eacatly ask them to fork out for their own outfits although my MOH did offer however I declined her offer. We are buying their whole outfit - dress, shoes, accessories also paying for their hair and makeup to be done and they will get a thankyou gift aswell. The only thing I have said to them to pay for themselves if they wish to have it done is spraytan and nails as me and H2B won't fork out for that we are paying enough as it is!!xx
Officially Mrs Julie-Anne Muir
CommentAuthorSuz80
I'm having 1 MOH, 1 BM and a FG, the only dress im paying for is FG's as shes my daughter, the others are paying for their own things (dress, shoes, accessories etc..). They know we can't afford to buy everyones outfits and because the only condition i put was the colour (that they both like thank goodness) they didn't have a problem, at the end of the day they're keeping the dress and everything so I don't see what the problem is with asking them to pay for their dress. It depends on your finances, if you can good if you can't then you can't. xx
CommentAuthorMrs Mara Tester
Cece - I have 5 bridesmaids and 5 flowergirls. I said I would like them to be bridesmaids but with 2 young children we really don't have the money "so you will be buying your own outfits". All of them are close family and friends so they know our situation and had no problem with it
I can't believe we've actually done it
I am now Mrs Limara Tester
CommentAuthorCeCe
Mara - that was very errrrrrrrrrrr definate of you! Glad they are ok with it...
CommentAuthorMrs Mara Tester
They also wanted to be a part of our day and they knew that if we had to pay for the outfits then they wouldn't be bridesmaids, I would only have had 1 bridesmaid and 1 flowergirl. It's not like I'm going to ask any of them for it back. They all help choose the dress and the colour, they can wear what ever shoes, jewellery they like. My sister and my best mate are both beauticians so will do their own and the other bridesmaids make-up. Hair is down(either curly or straight) so not expensive to do. The dress is also not OTT so can be made into a cocktail style dress and worn for other occasions
I can't believe we've actually done it
I am now Mrs Limara Tester
