Im feeling really down at the moment. Dont know if its just nerves as I build up to the wedding or what.
I just feel like OH is been so unhelpful, theres certain things he wants for the wedding, like certain DJ and certain priest, but he wont book them. We only have 4 months till the wedding so can no longer have a priest (6months notice min), and people are telling me to just book them up, but when i say ill book them h2b goes off the rails. we had to have an argument yesterday just for me to get him to contact the dj he wants (its his family friend)
The alarm bells are kicking in thinking is this what he'll be like when we have kids etc. I know i love him and dont want to be without him its just really frustrating that he is making this wedding planning process so difficult and stressful. i feel totally deflated.
Just needed to vent my feelings really, hoping its just normal to feel this way and that im not the only one :( xx
Met In Lanzarote April 2013
Engaged In Rome February 2016
Getting Married In Scotland May 2017
CommentAuthorStaceyH989
Hi MrsC2Be,
I think most men are like this to be honest, I've done all the deposits and booking so far and when I told OH we may have to book the suits a year in advance he looked at me like I'd gone mad but moaned when I told him if he want the suits that he likes that is what we have to do.
I have brought some photo booth props and some letters that I have put glitter on and OH asked why I had to do these things now and I explained that if there was something more important to do nearer the time and I was just sitting down sticking things together he would have a go at me for doing them at that point rather than before. I know him to well.
He could have his own nerves at the moment and maybe that is all it is, have a sit down with him and get it all out you will feel better after. We get married May next year and I can see myself starting to freak out this time next year I really wont know want to with myself.
Here if you need to chat xx
CommentAuthorEmily17
It's a stressful time for you both, especially after Christmas.
Stress the importance that you need to get things done. Explain the position with the priest and maybe he will understand.
Met in 2009
He proposed Jan 2014
Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
CommentAuthorMrsC2Be
Hi Stacey,
Thanks for your advice. Its so frustrating, id rather he just let me do it all, or if he wants to help actually help instead of making things harder.
Exactly you know what needs to be done and when, and you'll need to prioritise the bigger things closer o the wedding, how dont they understand lol. Its true im going to try and speak to him, although he isnt a good speaker so itll probably turn into him thinking im nagging and him just arguing back, wish me luck :/ thanks hun xx
Thanks Emily, yea im going to try but i dont think ill get anywhere :( thankyou xx
Met In Lanzarote April 2013
Engaged In Rome February 2016
Getting Married In Scotland May 2017
Awww poor you- I think I Woukd just fit down and have an honest conversation with OH- 3 months isn't far and people will get booked up.
My OH is a perfectionist so we are literally working on every detail- much to my annoyance! Lol
Hope you manage to work it out xx
CommentAuthorFayeH
I think for a lot of guys wedding planning is stressful and aggravating because the way society is just doesn't cater to men being excited about wedding planning. Everything related to wedding planning seems so geared towards women - and girls are brought up with the idea that their wedding will be a big magical day where no-one really says the same to boys - that the planning just doesn't seem like a thing that they can/should be involved in. Add on to that the fact that weddings are heniously expensive nowadays and he might feel like there's lots of fuss and expense and he's not really part of it - I can understand why blokes can be resentful/grumpy about it all.
I think having children and other milestones are different from wedding planning- getting a house, having kids etc. are all things more geared towards couples than just women, and just because he's stressed about the wedding doesn't mean he'll be the same with other things, so I wouldn't worry too much about his lack of engagement with the wedding being a red flag.
However, if you're trying to have a calm conversation with him and he's blowing up about it, it might be worth sitting down when you're both calm and talking to him about how you resolve issues - ask why he reacted so badly and explain that you want to be able to have level conversations about the wedding without ending up fighting about it.
CommentAuthorMrsC2Be
Hi Lauren. Haha your H2B seems to be the same then!! Bloody men lol
Michelle at least you know everything will be done, and just the way you both want it!! I can see how thatd be annoying in some sense, but much better in others! Managed to discuss the priest calmly yesterday without any raised voices so thats good (even though it shouldnt need raised voices!!)
Faye I totally agree about the expense that hes not really part of it, i think thats a big thing as he cant see where the money is going even if i tell him, whereas if he had booked it all himself he would see it all adding up. I think when i ask him stuff about the wedding he sees it more as nagging, but im just asking for his opinion. Thanks very much for your advice xx
Met In Lanzarote April 2013
Engaged In Rome February 2016
Getting Married In Scotland May 2017
CommentAuthorElinor Claire
Sounds like you just have to get it done yourself and accept that he'll be upset, but at least the day will be organised. I'm confused with the issue of the priest. Is it a church wedding? If so the church will provide an officiant who will be a member of the clergy authorised to conduct marriages. If it's a civil ceremony then it can't be religious anyway. If you're having a blessing after the marriage that's more informal with no legal issues and I'd have thought someone could come in at short notice, even if the priest your OH wanted isn't available.
30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.
CommentAuthorMrsC2Be
H2B wanted a particular priest but he needed 6months notice. We are getting married in the venue, we are going to see a minister this sunday so hopefully thatll go well. H2B is catholic so he is particular about who he wants, which is difficult for me to book it all without him getting the hump. At least its a step in the right direction now!
x
Met In Lanzarote April 2013
Engaged In Rome February 2016
Getting Married In Scotland May 2017
CommentAuthorElinor Claire
Unless the venue is a church you won't be able to have a religious ceremony anyway. You could have a priest or minister do a blessing immediately afterwards,
30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.
CommentAuthorMrsC2Be
You can have a religious ceremony in a venue other than a church. If its a catholic ceremony it can only be in the church though. We are having a christian minister perform our religious ceremony at our venue. x
Met In Lanzarote April 2013
Engaged In Rome February 2016
Getting Married In Scotland May 2017
CommentAuthorCamilaL
Bless you and all this stress. I would just had a conversation with him and tell him that the DJ needs to be booked or you can loose your date. Men usually think there's no need for rush, but about that you know whats needed and when, so just push him.
CommentAuthorLeanneR0186
Yes we had a religious service at our venue, it was the perfect compromise. xx
The Richardson's 31/12/16
CommentAuthorLeanneR0186
edited
Mrs c 2b, I think sitting down with OH and explaining how you feel is the best way forward. It is so frustrating though, my husband was all into planning at the beginning then he wasn't so bothered, all the little jobs I gave him to do, got done the week before christmas lol xx
The Richardson's 31/12/16
CommentAuthorMichelleC961
EC - scoland is different- as long as he minister is happy to marry yiu hen you can get married anywhere- the only stipulation is that the place of marriage must have a grid reference for the marriage verification- eg if you got married on a boat you would have to stop the boat at a specific point that goes on you marriage licence- this means that if you have an outdoor ceremony- sudden,y it rains- you would still have to get married in he rain as that is what is on your marriage license
I only know this as I was looking at getting married at the top of a hill in Scotland where my mums ashes are but we thought we cannot guarantee the weather and to make changes you need 15 days notice!
I find it odd that the laws in Scotland are so different!
CommentAuthorLeanneR0186
Michelle it's the sme in Northern Ireland where we got married x
The Richardson's 31/12/16
CommentAuthorMrsC2Be
OMG leanne thats going to be my H2B too, you must have been panicking that it wasnt going to get done! They definitly dont see the need to rush! Dont know wether to laugh or cry lol
Thanks Camilla, we managed to have a conversation without him getting stressed a couple of days ago so thats good. Although then he went on to say that he doesnt need to contact the priest (for a blessing in the church) until a week before the date, i give up haha
Yes Michelle, im originally from london, moved to scotland 3 years ago, everythings so different so it confuses me!! it should really be the same all over the uk xx
Met In Lanzarote April 2013
Engaged In Rome February 2016
Getting Married In Scotland May 2017
CommentAuthorElinor Claire
Oh right I didn't realise it is in Scotland. I think Scottish laws are more sensible actually, it's so difficult trying to find songs that can be sung at a civil ceremony in England or Wales as there can be no religious language at all. It's also a shame that you can't marry outdoors or have a religious ceremony anywhere you like. I've known a few people who've done a small registry office ceremony to satisfy the legal requirements, and then done a religious and/or outdoor blessing wherever they like, which they have considered as their real wedding.
30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.
CommentAuthorMrsC2Be
I know you'd think it'd be the same everywhere!
Caught h2b googling how to make led love letters earlier (without me asking haha) he said at the beginning he wanted to make them. At least part of his brain is thinking about the wedding, deep down in there somewhere lol
Met In Lanzarote April 2013
Engaged In Rome February 2016
Getting Married In Scotland May 2017
CommentAuthorMichelleC961
Lol- I really think men are wired completely differently and just don't know how to organise!
CommentAuthorMrsC2Be
definitly haha.
Met In Lanzarote April 2013
Engaged In Rome February 2016
Getting Married In Scotland May 2017
CommentAuthorMrs T Hurley!
The only way I could get my oh to book our venue was talking about the wedding with his sister. I said about booking it (18 months before our date) and him and his mum said that it's too far in advance to book when his sister said to book it now as venues do get booked up well in advance. Is there someone in his family that he will listen to?
Met 18/09/03
Engaged 06/09/08
Getting married 05/09/17
CommentAuthorMrsC2Be
all his family n my family think the same as me, but he still doesnt listen. He thinks everything can be done last minute and he always thinks hes right. Luckily our weddings on a thursday, if it was a saturday most of our first choices would be fully booked!! x
Met In Lanzarote April 2013
Engaged In Rome February 2016
Getting Married In Scotland May 2017