Wedding Forum - Mother stress...

Sorry to have a moan but I feel I need some outsider advice!

Over the past 6 months my mum and I have been drifting apart, she has met someone and I am really happy for her she struggled through brining up my sister and me and chose not to be with anyone.

I have never had a problem with him and even had him at my home for xmas dinner, problem is my mum has become a different person she's not outgoing like she used to be, she's always skint and is subsiding him and paid for a car for him because helost his van which was on finance, this really annoys me as she's waited so long to meet someone but settles for less than the best.

My younger sister unfortunately split from her long term partner and has ended up back home with mum until she gets back on her feet, my mum was more than happy for her to move in but has since been throwing it in her face because her new partner was going to move in and now he cant, my sister has been very upset and doesn't feel at home.

We have spoken to mum to tell her slow it down get to know him before taking any big steps. She will not listen I feel like our roles are reversed and she is acting like a teenager.

It has got worse since xmas, my engagement party was the end of Jan and the day after she announces she's getting married this September, she hadn't actually informed me of this and it was my sister who told me of her plan. 3 weeks later she told me her plan.

On top of this she has no interest in my wedding planning and hasn't asked how anything is going, I was going dress shopping and I asked her to come she's my mum so I wanted her to be there, it so happens my MOH My sis had to work late and my bridesmaids one had a hen party (she had forgot about) to attend out of town and the other lives out of town, so I thought I cant go dress shopping with my mum alone as we have grown apart and rarely talk let alone about wedding stuff, so I cancelled the app, she didn't even ask me why we weren't going like she had just forgot.

Myself and my sister and family have all tried to talk to her to tell her we think she needs to slow down and perhaps get to know him better but there is no telling her.

So the story takes another turn she phones me and asks me to be her bridesmaid! I explained the reasons as to why I am saying no and she said well im happy and hung up. I then sent her a message to explain my concerns and told her I want her to be happy but just to slow it down. I told her I wasn't happy about the money situation and why she's changed so much from a bright, bubbly outgoing person to someone who never leaves the house, I feel like I don't actually have a mum anymore.

So really what do I do now? Im quiet upset that it doesn't seem to be bothering her and I feel as though shes picking a guy shes known for 5 mins over her 2 children and family!

I have to agree with everything OATB said above. All you can do is let her know your concerns - I'm sure she has listened, but at the end of the day she is old enough and mature enough to make her own decisions. She may not have known him for very long but I don't think you'd have to persuade anyone on here that "when you know, you know"! As for the money situation, when you love someone you will do whatever you can to help them, and if that means spending money then so be it. Christ, I'd be rich if I didn't spend so much money on OH to help with his problems! Lol.

You've done all you can for now. You might not be happy about it but she clearly is, so I say just be happy for her and be there for her IF it does end in disaster! Now her children have grown up, getting married etc, why shouldn't she have a shot at her own happiness and put herself and her wants/needs first x

Thanks Girls

Yeah that's what I have been thinking but doesn't make it any easier I just don't like to see her being taken for a mug! seems to be that's what is happening, I said to her I understand that's if she's happy then fine but does that justify getting married so soon why not have a relationship and live together first.

I will never change her mind neither will my sister but its hard knowing we were so close and she's changed soooooo much she's unrecognisable xx

I really hope she isn't either but its a strange situation, he lives overran hour from us so they only see each other at weekends and really for 6 months of just seeing each other sat/sun its not enough to justify marriage in my eyes.

I have told her I am worried several times now and she just doesn't take any of it on board never lets you finish talking and just says im happy! so frustrating.

The last message sent her with all my worries was ignored and I haven't heard from her that's been 9 days now.

My fiancé has said the same thing that maybe that's the case she wants her own wedding but still hard to be happy for her when shes in dream land and has said to my sis that he has been the one suggesting marriage then making it so soon, so it makes me more wary of him and also that he wants to also just up and leave where he currently lives! I always believe in go by your gut feeling and my gut tells me not to trust him.
xx

Unfortunately, she says she is happy so you just have to accept that until she sees the light. With you always saying you disapprove and think it's the wrong thing to do will only push you two further apart so you either have to take on what she's saying or stop interfering. It sucks and hard but the more you go on at her, the more determined she will be to make it work hun! xx

Thanks girls! x