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Family/Attendants Stress: How do I tell my step dad I want my sons to give me away?

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- CommentAuthorTracyT3
  
  edited
Hi all. I am getting married on 1st August 2015 and having only just started the preps, everything is going surprisingly well!
However, I have a dilemma that I just can't make a decision on and need some advice. My parents divorced when I was 10 and they both remarried. I haven't' seen my real dad for over 30 years so deciding that he wouldn't come wasn't an issue. My step dad is a lovely man and has always been there for us even though I have never called him dad he has been a solid in my life.
My dilemma stems from the fact that I really want my sons to give me away and I don't know how to tell him without upsetting him? My children and I have been through a lot together (they are grown up now) and as we are entering this as a family, I want them to give me away and my daughter to be responsible for holding my bouquet and bag.
How do I tell my step dad as I know he will probably expect to be asked?
Thanks.
- CommentAuthorclairenina
Is there another role he can fulfil? A witness signature for the certificate? I didn't even mention it. I asked my half brother to walk me down the aisle. When discussing the wedding with my Mum, I dropped it into conversation who was doing what. I think if I had said "I didn't ask Charles because....", I thought that would prompt their disappoinment, and trigger a debate. All families are different though, only you will know how best to approach it. For me, it was not to even mention it.
- CommentAuthorDonnaH39
My dad died when I was younger, my mum is now in a same sex relationship. After I had decided I wanted my brother to walk me down the aisle (but hadn't asked him yet) my mum mentioned that she would like to walk me down the aisle. When it came to, I just spoke to her and said that I was thinking of asking my brother, she was over the moon and when I later asked about it again and asked if she was upset she said no and it would be lovely.... she said she only wanted to walk me down because she didn't want me to feel like there was noone I could ask.

Since then my brother at one point was looking at a job in America, although he said he could make it back for the wedding, when talking to my mum (she was really concerned that he might not make it and I'd be upset) I explained that it was a big opportunity for him and that if he missed the wedding that would be okay, she asked about the aisle thing and I told her it really didn't matter as I would have her instead. Again she was over the moon.

Just be honest with him, I'm sure they'll be thrilled that you want to ask your sons. Ask him to do something else instead.
- CommentAuthorTracyT3
Thanks girls.
clairenina...maybe the best thing is like you say to not give a reason why not and just say this is what I'm doing. Was thinking of asking my mum to sign the register so not sure what to ask? I did think of asking him to prepare a speech but he's not much of a public speaker! Thank you!
Donna sorry to hear about your dad! Am so glad it all worked out in the end for you! I do hope its not taken the wrong way...why is such a happy time so complicated? Thank you!
- CommentAuthorInDreamland
I'd see if there is another role for him, maybe a reading or signing the register. Will you still ask him to do a speech?

Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

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