Ok, so I'm in a bit of a horrible predicament!!! My MOH (my older sister) had been on and off with this guy for the past 5 years.....
He is mentally controlling and mentally abusive and doesn't truely love my sister but will not let her move on!! Whenever they break up (very regular) he plays mind games and if she starts seeing anyone else he constantly calls and manipulates her so she ends up back with him!! More fool her!!! She says she loves him and that's why she keeps going back.
Well, when we got engaged, I was very honest and said, you have 2 years to get used to the idea but @@@@ is not invited. I was very clear on the fact that she is my older sister and I hate how he treats her (though she is just as bad) however, I don't want him there..... Yesterday she came round for a cuppa and said, @@@@ and I are trying again and he is going to commit this time, I'd like him to come to the wedding..... Gutted!! Without even thinking I said 'no way, not a chance'! I told her her that there is definitely not space in the daytime and I don't want him there in the evening. She just replied with 'but he is my boyfriend and I want him as my plus one, I am MOH after all'......
Yes, this is OUR wedding and H2B and I get to say who comes and who doesn't but I feel really guilty..... She's my sister and I love her dearly but I hate hate hate him for what he does to her...... She's no saint but shes my sister. So after all that, do I accept the fact that they are together and allow him to the evening reception for her or do I stand my ground, really hope they are not together by then but say no regardless??
Sorry for the long post but I was dreading this request from her
Marrying 'The One' on 30th July 2016
I am now Mrs Emma Stokoe xx
CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
At the end of the day it is your wedding and if you don't want him there she should respect that.
Also, I think this is something you need to let her get on with, I know you don't like seeing her get hurt by him, but it'st he only way she will learn.
Our wedding day - 6 October 2012
CommentAuthorElizabethF49
After 7 years and 11 months he proposed to me 18.10.13
Our son is 5 years old and our world
Getting married 15.08.15.
Life hasnt been easy but we have each other :)
CommentAuthorCharlieBe-Cool
Don't feel guilty. It's your day and if you don't want him there its up to you, it will only ruin it for you if he attends. I didn't invite my sisters husband as they both drink heavily and all hell breaks loose when they drink together. He's an alcoholic and would only be there for the free drink. My sister is actually worse but I couldn't not invite her. They were also seperated when we sent the invites but have since got back together (for what seems like the 100th time!). My sister hasn't said anything to me directly so as far as I know she's accepted it. Stand your ground as it will only ruin what should be a lovely day.
Met my prince charming - May 2002
Finally tying the knot - July 2015
Where there is love there is life - Muhatma Ghandi
CommentAuthorMrs D2B
You have 16 months and if she's on off with the guy he might not be in the picture come your wedding day so maybe you could just say something along the lines of you'll think about it closer to the time. To be honest it's your day you can invite/not invite who ever you like and if you don't like this guy your well within your rights to say you don't want him there. If my MIL is still with her current partner when it comes to our day h2b and I have both said he will not be invited to the wedding as he is a horrible person and we have already fallen out with her because of him, we are both aware that she probably won't come if he's not inviting but that's a risk we are willing to take as quite frankly we are not paying out money to have someone at our wedding that we cannot stand. It's you day your choice.
31/12/2017 A New Year, A New Life, A New Husband and Wife
Mrs D, I thought that after I posted as well, it could well not be a thing at the time of the wedding.
Our wedding day - 6 October 2012
CommentAuthorEmmilou82
edited
Thanks folks.....
At the end of the day, we have time on our side and I think it's a case of play it by ear. I just feel guilty..... I'll have to toughen up and stand my ground..... My H2B knows how I feel and he just says the typical 'it's up to you' lol which doesn't help!! I don't want to hurt her feelings but (in a very selfish statements) It's our day and we will have who WE want!!
Families ey, blooming nightmare lol
Marrying 'The One' on 30th July 2016
I am now Mrs Emma Stokoe xx
CommentAuthorKirstyR386
You have quite a long time until your wedding. If their relationship does stabilise over the next year and a half, maybe then he could be allowed to the evening only (on the proviso that if he causes any trouble, he'll be out immediately). But if they continue to keep breaking up then I agree he shouldn't come. Weddings are expensive and why should you fork out for someone who might or might not be there and you don't even like anyway. X
CommentAuthorVictoriaL46
Like everyone else has said. You have a while yet and just say that you will discuss it alot closer to the time and with the way things sound he might not be an issue.
Met in Nov 2005
Engaged 13th June 2013
Becomes Mrs Stewart on 10th Aug 2015 Honeymoon in Florida!
My Diary Thread: My Alice in Wonderland Wedding Diary
CommentAuthorInDreamland
Your wedding so you decide who is invited. It'd be different if they're married but they're not so you have no obligation to invite him.
Your sister needs to respect that it's your wedding and you decide who is and isn't on the guest list.
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorMadge
My mum broke up with her partner of around 2 years about 2 months ago and since the breakup they have been a bit on and off up and down. God knows whats going on! Up until the break up he would have been invited. I sent my invites and told my mum that it is just her invited and that there is no plus one for her, but the other day she called me asking if we could invite her ex partner to the wedding. I told her again that she didnt have a plus one but she was really making a big thing of it. In the end i had to tell her that we were not going to invite him yet and might if they seriously get back together. The thing is, I don't want someone there that she might totally break up with after the wedding. It is our wedding afterall. Also there are other people on our day/evening back up list that we would rather have there! We havent given my brother a plus one either. At the end of the day it is your and your partners day and it should be all about what you two want, not other people. Those invited should be grateful that they have been chosen to be a part of your day and it is unfair of them to push you in to making decisions that you dont want to.. Be tough! I'm sure your sister will manage without him for just one day and its not like she wont know anyone else there. She'll get over it!
xxx
CommentAuthorElinor Claire
It is an awful situation to be in. I had a friend who was in an abusive relationship but no one could tell her he was no good, we had to wait for her to realise it and then support her while she picked up the pieces. Unfortunately you won't be able to tell your sister, and these guys are good at what they do. My friend's ex was always so apologetic and sweet after he'd been out of order, and was really nice to her when it suited him. They play the guilt card, and work out which buttons to press. I think I would say wait until nearer the time, but make it clear that it will be your decision, and you are not just giving out general plus ones to people. If they are together it might make things worse to refuse, as the boyfriend might use that as a chance to turn your sister against you and isolate her even more from the support of her family. If he's clever in the way he controls her then he will have no trouble making her believe that you're the bad guy. For now just hope that it doesn't last.
30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.
CommentAuthorEmmilou82
Elinore Claire, you've hit the nail on the head!! He hates me and my mum and I strongly believe it's because we mean so much to her and we are the only thing he can't control. I'm sure they won't be together by then and to be honest even if they are, I am not inviting him.... Why would I want him there when I can't stand him?!! Hey ho, only time will tell
Thank you all for your support and advice xx
Marrying 'The One' on 30th July 2016
I am now Mrs Emma Stokoe xx
