I know this is something which has been discussed a zillion times but I could do with some other points of view/opinions.
We are getting married Oct 2015 and have booked a venue where we have an out of season package which is saving us a fortune (or so we thought!!). As a result this package only includes 50 for the wedding breakfast and anyone else above this is £50 extra. We have an evening buffet included for 120 people so no concerns about evening numbers.
We knew when we originally booked we had more than 50 guests so we budgeted for an extra 10 people, which is an extra £500. H2B parents are divorced and both remarried, so he has a large guest list. We counted the day guest list and so far we have 70 - only 25 of these are my family and friends and the rest are h2bs!! We seriously need to cut down but I dont know how. At the moment, some of my friends who I would like to invite to the day are on the evening list as we just dont have room, and I am really disappointed about that (these are friends I see nearly every day).
Unfortunately, h2b family have all assumed they are being invited (i.e his cousins,their partners and children) and although we have explained we only have a limited number of people we can invite, they dont seem to be listening. Some of them have even booked their overnight accommodation at the hotel, without even having received an invite and it being a year and a half away!!!
I am thinking that we dont invite h2bs cousins, as he has nothing to do with any of them apart from being 'friends' on the Book. He hasnt seen them for years, whereas all the cousins I am inviting (4 of them) I see them reguarly. My thinking is that we just invite his aunts and uncles as the cousins are all adults (one is 12 who would have to be invited to the day as I cant see a way around that). H2B reckons we should just invite the cousins and their partners/children to the evening do.
Now this is where it gets difficult. H2B is not from the area we live in and as such, his family have a 4 hour drive to our wedding. So it's not like I can invite the aunts and uncles to the day and then the cousins to the evening, as it's a massive distance to travel and they are probably likely to travel together. If it was me personally, I would not travel that distance just to attend an evening reception.
Problem is that if we dont invite the cousins I feel his aunts and uncles are likely to be peed off and I dont want to cause any issues. To have them all there would cost an extra £500 on top, which is a lot of money for people we dont even know or see!! Or should we just pay the extra £500 to avoid any aggro??
I am thinking to invite them anyway to the day and hope they dont come??!!
What would you do?!
CommentAuthorclairenina
We only have 38 spaces for our day guests, and we have had to be ruthless. We are only inviting people who bother with us, and people we like, rather than just inviting people because we are related to them.
CommentAuthorRachelE118
We have kept the day small as well. I'm from a tiny family (only child of 2 only children!!) but h2b's family is huge. So it's only immediate family day time- mum, brothers, sister, in laws and nephews and nieces with half the various aunties and uncles and cousins to the evening. A few noses out of joint but once you start you can't stop!!
CommentAuthorGhilaL
We are also having a small wedding and only have 50 for ceremony and breakfast and 80 for evening we have only invited really close family for the day and really close friends for the evening difficult sometimes tho!
CommentAuthorSofiaF
I think the general rule is that if you have not spoken to them in the last year you shouldn't invite them. I would rather have friends I see everyday there for the whole day than a second cousin I have never met and don't speak to. If people are assuming they are invited and have booked accommodation that's a gold star for being keen but it's quite bad for them to assume they will be there.
Don't feel you need to invite people just because they are related to you.
We can only have 34 to the ceremony - decided right from day one that it's OUR choice who's coming. I have lots of cousins/aunties and uncles but I don't see them very often so they're only invited to the evening do. To be blunt - if they don't like it - tough! One of my uncles is giving me away (my dad passed away in 2010) so obviously he and his wife are coming, and possibly another auntie and uncle but as my Dad was one of 6 there's no chance Im inviting them all and all their kids and their kids too!! These are people I haven't seen for years! Some of my cousins I get on well with but don't see very often - again, they're only coming to the evening do. It's difficult when people assume they're invited I know - one of my friends thinks she's coming to the ceremony but she's only a drinking buddy really so I'm really sorry but I'd rather have the closest of friends and family. If it causes aggro - I don't really see them anyway much so that's up to them! Hope you get it sorted xx
CommentAuthorElinor Claire
You are going to have to be firm. Make sure there is a clear cut-off, so with your H2B's family, make sure it is all aunts and uncles but no cousins for example (the 12 year old is perhaps an understandable exception). Could you arrange something else for those who are evening do only, maybe a buffet in a local church hall or something?
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CommentAuthorMrsH
We had 95 to the day and 140 to the evening. I don't really have a massive family whereas OHs mum and dad both have 6 brothers/sister each! Who all have kids, who then all have kids too! There were some uncles and aunties that we didn't invite from my FILs side as I have never met them and hubby decided he didn't want them there! I invited some friends in place of some family that I don't speak to. As my family is small we see each other all the time, and Hubbys family always make extra effort to get toegther at holidays or birthdays which is lovely! Therefore that's how we justified inviting all the cousins and plus 1s!
CommentAuthor*The NewMrsMalin*
Just be firm and say no :S
Met in 2009
Got together on12th May 2011, proposed on the 12th May 2013
When you get knocked down; smile and pick yourself up again!
Fight for what you believe in!
CommentAuthorAmyK
For them to go booking the accommodation is kinda sweet, but also a bit rude in assuming that they're invited, and even if they're invited for the evening, and a bit rude for hogging a room that someone who will be there all day might need (many venues have far fewer rooms than guests, so I assume that is the case). (If I book a room at a wedding venue, I always make sure the bride and grooms family have booked theirs already). You've got to be firm on a policy, such as - only invite them if you send them birthday cards, or if you bother with each other or not. And it is ok to have one rule for one family side and one for another - we've invited all of h2bs cousins and kids (20 of them in total) because we do see them, we do all bother with each other. Whereas my cousins on my dads side can't be bothered with us (I've made efforts) so they're not invited. Plus don't forget - by the time the wedding comes around, will some of them have had more children by then??
CommentAuthorJR2015
Thanks for the replies, me and h2b have discussed it and we have decided not to invite any of his cousins to the day, they will get an evening invite but that's it. I dont think some of his family will be very happy but I'm not bothered, I don't know any of them anyway. I will be sending the invites out quite early just in case they need to cancel any accommodation they have already booked.
