Wedding Forum - Who is the big day actually for?!?!!!?!!!...

Sorry everyone, this is going to be a bit of a rant, but I HAVE to get this off of my chest.

My partner and I got engaged on March 23rd 2011 after being together for a year, and both said we wanted to get married on the anniversary of this date on our 5th year of being together, making it a Monday next year. We said this date and wanted it since the day he got down on one knee and proposed to me, not knowing that it lands on a Monday; HOWEVER, I have fallen in love with a hotel venue that's about a 15minute drive from where we live, which isn't a problem for me or my partner, not even his parents, if anything, we thought great, it means that the venue will be cheaper. We want it to be in the late afternoon so that we can have our daughter there for it after school as my flower girl too, so still, not a problem? EXCEPT, my Nan and Grampy (who practically raised me) are complaining that it's too expensive and too far away (not that they're paying for any of it), and my "dad" (step dad but he's
been my dad since I was tiny) is saying that he and my brothers can't make it because it's on a Monday. They're all complaining that it's not a church or reception wedding, but we don't want a church wedding, and this hotel venue is beyond perfect! It's got a gorgeous garden if the weather is nice enough to have the wedding outside, and if not, the library is perfect! Not to mention it has accomodation, takes care of the catering AND decorations, not to mention the peacocks lol. I love the place, but it seems my family won't come if we have the wedding there:(

I just can't help but wonder who the wedding is supposed to be about/for? We want my family there, but we want it to be OUR perfect day too:( xoxox

Hun my only advice is plan your wedding for you! If the people you love want to be there then they will be! They have PLENTY of notice to book it off! I've got relatives complaining because I can't afford for them to come to my wedding breakfast, only the reception! At the end of the day, it's your wedding - your big day! Enjoy it, don't let anybody else dictate to you what to do xx

Would you consider changing the day to maybe the Sunday so that you can party into your Anniversary if it's going to make it easier on guests? That way it still ties in with your anniversary a bit?

Understandably this is your day and with a year to go i think it's plenty of time for anyone to book it off if you do decide to have it on a Monday. If you were to just book it then people would have to sort themselves out for time off anyway and they'd be no one trying to sway you to another date. If people want to be there then they will, no matter on cost or how far, they will plan in advance and make it work.

xxx

Ours is next April and also on a Monday. We've had my nan whinge that it's a Monday, she's even told me that no one will come, I told her so what, if people can't be arsed to book a day off of work then they really don't care about us. It's not even as if it's late. It ends at 11:30pm.

Do what suits you, not everyone else :)x

Ours is on a Monday and I've had a few people say 'oh I'm not sure if I can do a Monday' my answer was "if you can't be bothered to take a day off work for my wedding then don't, I couldn't give a sh*t"

Obviously I'm a bit hurt that a so called friend can't book a day off nearly a year in advance but there was no need for her to know that. If it was a weeks notice then fair enough but are we prepared to pay an extra 3-4k just to have our wedding on someone else's terms? Erm no. Kindly bugger off lol x

I'm sorry but I agree with everyone else; it is your and your h2bs big day; sod everyone else; if they cant take a day off work for the most important day of your life then they do not deserve to be there :)

Ours will be on a Tuesday next year if we can get the date we want and my mum said it is a bit of an awkward day being during the week but then gain she also said that I'm sure people can book one day off...:)

Sorry to hear your family are being a pain about it. Our is a Thursday of the same reasons but before people started to complain I had said to them in a tounge in cheek way "people that love us will take the day off..." It's also a good excuse to not invite people that you don't really want there that you haven't seen for years because they probs won't take a day off work for it..

Do what makes you happy.. ( plus it's soo much cheaper!)

X

This is your wedding, you do it how you want, not to please certain guests. They have plenty of time to arrange time off for it. To be honest, it sounds like they are being plain selfish. And who cares it is not in a church, if you are not fussed about marrying in a church then other people have to respect that. Marrying in a church has never actually appealed to me, what did appeal was getting married in the venue and having the reception in the same place. So much easier on everyone then.

You carry on doing your wedding the way you want it, don't listen to others negative views. If they don't want to make the effort to be there on YOUR'S and YOUR H2B's big day then hard tough on them.

we're getting married on a Tuesday. If people can't come, that;s their problem. It's our day, and we're paying for it.

It is about you and your H2B. I am sure they will come around to the idea and will be there with you. Just book what you want!

were getting married on a tuesday too, everyone I have given there stds to I've pointed that out saying im giving these early so people know its on a tuesday so have plenty of notice and everyones been fine about it. If they care about you they will make the effort and come, even if you have weddings on saturdays now people work on weekends so someone has to get the time off. and the fact they are saying its to expencive when you have to pay for it is out of order and just seems to be something to moan at for no reason.
Were not getting married in church due to both of us being Athiests (more spiritual) but not tied to any religion, and even tho OHs mom is quite religious (always goes church at easter, xmas etc) and his biological mum is very religious going church every week none are having ago at us for not having a church wedding as its down to our beliefs and choices and to have a church ceremony would just be hypocritical for us!

I think a lot of people need reminding who's wedding it is, I'm dreading having the talk with my MIL to be but looks like we'll have to if she sticks her oar in again :/

tbh, weekday weddings don't thrill me as it is a lot more messing about as you need to book two days off work HOWEVER those that care would do. we had a Thursday wedding last year which involved booking time off work and pulling my daughter out of school for two days.

So I do think as long as you appreciate that people will make the extra effort to be there (which they totally did) because however you look at it, people WILL need to make that extra faff to get time off, arrange childcare/time off school and people will feel a tad put out about it, but those that care will make that effort, and that's all that matters

I re-read that as a massive ugghhhhh weekday wedding suck...but that's not how its meant to come across haha

With enough notice, people like me just have to deal with it lol. And I would do, I wouldn't dream of complaining about it etc. If you care enough about the people doing it, then you just do it ^^

Oh yeah, I didn't even think about kids because our wedding was child free and the other weddings we went to were too, but that could be a major problem, particularly as schools have started fining parents for unauthorised absences.

Thank you everyone. With regards to children and school, it shouldn't really be an issue, I think my dad was using it as an excuse to complain as we are having the wedding after school hours so that our daughter can be at the wedding as my flower girl also. We're wanting for the wedding to be at about sunset, and the venue is only a 20min drive from where my family live, so there is still plenty of time:) As it stands, my family are still unhappy about it, but some of my closer friends who know about it all are happy to take over if my family won't take part:) xoxox

Bumpety bump

I would book it. You can't constantly change really important details, like y'know... your dream venue, because of people - even if they are your family, especially since you're being totally reasonable. Emphasise that you can help arrange travelling for your name/gramps and you've sorted accommodation that is nearby. The rest of the family can book holiday off! They can even do a half day off work. Since it's in the afternoon!