Im looking for some advice because I really don't know what to do , 11 years ago my fiance's mum when to live with him after his father had passed away , his mum is 74 pretty healthy for her age except for problems with her hearing and too be honest she's an angel as I only live across the road from them we are pretty close , anyway back to the story , he text me tonight to say he was going to buy one of these new fandangled tvs , the one that you talk 2 , 3D etc so I said where for he replied for his living room , so I said we are getting married in 434 days do you think your mum would really need one as she had trouble working the sky remote and you won't be living there then ... He said , well I will some of the time I can't just leave her ..... To be honest I didn't really know what to say to that , do I really want a husband that is only with me part time ? And like I said I only live across the road so it's not as if we would be a million miles away if she needed anything .. Should I put the wedding on hold till he's ready to commit to me totally or just have a part time husband ?
EDIT - THIS TITLE TO THIS THREAD HAS BEEN CHANGED TO MAKE CONTENT CLEARER - MODS
CommentAuthorInDreamland
Talk to him about how you feel but also give him time to say where he is coming from so you both understand each other xx
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorElinor Claire
My mum sometimes does what she calls "going split-level", staying over at her parents on the odd night. That's less likely to happen now though as Dad has retired and they've moved to Northumberland, which is much nearer to Tyne and Wear than Yorkshire. She does it because Granny has alzheimers and Granpda needs support. It seems a bit silly to do that when he's right accross the road though. I suppose if he's been with her so long he might find it hard to let go and leave her alone. Maybe you can suggest that he sees it as staying over at his mum's when required, rather than living there part-time. If he's worried about his mum maybe there is some kind of support that can be provided so that he will feel happier.
30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.
CommentAuthorTracyP89
I can understand totally about him wanting to look after his mum and I've already said to him then WHEN it's needed and his mum can't be on her own then we will sell both houses and buy a bungalow so that she can come and live with us , my sister in law to be lives next door and his brother ( who lives alone ) is only a few mins away so she is surrounded by us all , I'm just uncomfortable with the idea of starting married life on a part time basis as I already know its going to cause resentment when I'm sleeping alone at night instead of with my new husband x
CommentAuthoralmost a year wife!!
Hmmm I find this weird that he would want to do this, your opposite!!! My sister was I'm a relationship where he wanted to stay with his mum and it became 3 in a relationship and it did not work out... You really need to speak to him about this because like you say 'starting married life like that isn't right.... Would his mum want that for you both???? Xxx
TraceyP98 I know this probably what you don't want to hear but maybe selling up and buying a house that you 3 can live together is a better idea as you will be under one roof and you will have your h2b curled u with you in bed and you wont reset he is not in the marital bed with you
H2B doesn't want to leave his mum on her own and she doesn't want us to leave either so I've gotten used to er being around and it quite normal we still do everything we want and we eat dinner all together watch tv sometimes movies you don't get in each others way your just on big family and when you have kids they will love having nanny around
I do want my own house decorate it how i want leave my mark on the house but that will have to wait alongs I have my H2B and we get married start our life together I'm fine I know friends their whole family live together the parents the newly weds with their children its quite common now days as buying house and getting mortgages are very expensive
You already said you get on well with the mother in law alongs you two get on well and your H2B happy as he wont want the two woman in his life he loves the most at each others throats so hugs and have a long good chat with h2b and tel us hwat he says or thinks =D
Started going out 23.10.2010 met at Barnet college <3 X
Engaged 23.08.2012 In Turkey Our 1st Holiday Together <3 X
To be Mrs Lana Jocelyn Deaton on 23.10.2015 5 years the day
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CommentAuthorBecky1608
Could you buy a house with an annex so that you all still have your space/independance but your H2B would feel reassured that his mum was ok? Xxx
29/09/2008 - The Day we met
12/11/2008 - When we decided to be more than friends
04/11/2012 - A proposal in Central Park NYC
08/11/2014 - The day we say I do!
CommentAuthorMrsThomson2B
Becky1608 xx
CommentAuthorInDreamland
In my culture (Chinese), traditionally the eldest son or only son has his parents live with him and his wife. For example, my grandmother has her official residence at my uncle's house with his wife even though she doesn't live there full time because she prefers living with my widowed aunt and my youngest cousin but technically she could live full time at my uncle's house and that is normal in Chinese culture.
An annex next door is a good compromise so you have your marital home and hubby every night but you're close enough to ensure she feels close enough and included enough plus hubby is haopy his mum is looked after xx
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorMrsH-2B
I agree with Lana and Becky.. I refuse to leave my mum, not because she's old or incapable but because I couldn't not see her everyday so we're building an extension after the wedding so we have bedrooms for our babies..
I would noway do the part time thing though.. I'd definitely suggest selling both houses and buying one big one for all 3 of you and your kids if you're having them.. You don't need a bungalow, just have a stair lift xxx
I can't wait to become his Wife :-) <3
4th July 2015 <3
CommentAuthorWhovianbride
Ican understand him wanting to look after his mum, but if your literally across the road I would be like WHAT? Go visit her, have sunday lunch if you want, pop in and see her everyday, but we are married so we live together. Its called growing up!
Met June 2009 on my Birthday,Met again July 2009 and got
together, May 2010 Moved in,Jan 2011 got pregnant,
August 2011 Got our own place, 2011 Had our Baby Girl,
Dec 2011 Got engaged, July 2015 Getting married! Yay!
CommentAuthorMel D
or buy a house and don't have a stair lift so the upstairs is "yours"
Got married Sat 28/05/2011
Renewing vows Sat 29/05/2021
We're planning WELL in advance!!
CommentAuthorTracyP89
We had a good chat about it tonight and I've told him I'm not starting married life with a part time husband and he said that I was being daft , he would never not be sharing the same bed and that I had the wrong end of the stick ... All the stressing was for nothing :) ... I have agreed tho that when the time comes that we will sell both houses and buy somewhere with a granny flat so that we know his mum is ok .. Thankyou ladies for all the advice xxxxx
CommentAuthorLauraK7
Glad it all worked out ok x
CommentAuthorWhovianbride
Im glad it was just a misunderstanding!
Met June 2009 on my Birthday,Met again July 2009 and got
together, May 2010 Moved in,Jan 2011 got pregnant,
August 2011 Got our own place, 2011 Had our Baby Girl,
Dec 2011 Got engaged, July 2015 Getting married! Yay!
CommentAuthorMrsLJDeaton
Glad it worked out for you TraceyP98 =D <3 X
Started going out 23.10.2010 met at Barnet college <3 X
Engaged 23.08.2012 In Turkey Our 1st Holiday Together <3 X
To be Mrs Lana Jocelyn Deaton on 23.10.2015 5 years the day
Jamiroquai Arthur Gordon Deaton Born 29/05/2015 My Son Jammy
CommentAuthorBecky1608
Great news hun xxx
29/09/2008 - The Day we met
12/11/2008 - When we decided to be more than friends
04/11/2012 - A proposal in Central Park NYC
08/11/2014 - The day we say I do!
CommentAuthorMrsH-2B
Glad it all worked out :-) xxx
I can't wait to become his Wife :-) <3
4th July 2015 <3
CommentAuthorTracyP89
Thankyou everybody :)
CommentAuthorInDreamland
Ah brilliant, very pleased its worked out for you xx
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
Becky1608 xx
