Wedding Forum - Is it bad to ask bridesmaids to buy their...

I've been completely the opposite. I've always assumed that I would buy the dresses, as I feel that it's unfair to ask someone to be a bridesmaid and then say but you have to spend money to do it. Then my matron of honour said that she and the other adult should buy their own. As it happens I think I'm going to insist on buying the dresses myself, as she is a single mother struggling to make ends meet, and the other has one small boy and a baby on the way. Plus two of the younger ones are MOH's daughters, so she'd have to find the money for three. If H2B's sister was to offer to pay I'd probably accept, as I know she can afford it, but the parents of the other younger one have three sons, so again I'd probably refuse. When I was bridesmaid for my twin brother's wedding my dress would have been bought, except I had one already that was a good match, and my bridesmaid dress for my younger brother's wedding has been bought by the bride. I did and will provide my own shoes for both weddings, and with the one that has happened I paid for my own hair to be done. Jo was debating having us all done by the lady that was doing hers, as she wanted us all the same, but commented that it was £30 each, which for four of us was a lot. I pointed out that I could quite happily manage £30 to have my hair done professionally, and one other bridesmaid did likewise.

It is more and more common for adult bridesmaids to get their own dresses. I suppose it depends on what you want. If you insist on a particular dress that costs a lot it's maybe a bit unfair to expect them to pay, but if you're flexible on what you choose then you could ask, particularly as they will keep them. It also depends on how well off they are. Would they struggle to pay, or can they manage it easily? Could you maybe drop a hint at some point to try to find out what they think might happen? It may be that they themselves expect to buy their own dresses, which removes the problem.

Thanks for your help, ladies! I don't actually have anything against buying their dresses, I wasn't going for something uber expensive anyway so it won't eat much into our budget, I just wanted to see other people's views on it. They're both young, single, no kids and not exceptionally well off but not poor either, they wouldn't struggle. I'm thinking of maybe asking them to get their dresses and I'll treat them to hair, makeup and a manicure? What do you think?

Point taken :) thank you everyone!

Personally I think they should be provided the dress (as they are the more expensive part) but buy their own shoes.... I'm doing this with my girls, I'm also paying for their hair and makeup x

I'm going to provide bags and pashmenas/boleros, and also something to put in their hair (don't know what yet). I'll ask them to pay for their own shoes, as I want them all to choose something that they will be comfortable in. I'm planning on asking MOH to do all of the hair and make-up as she is really good at that, although I suspect most will be quite happy to do their own make-up.

U pay however much your comfortable paying.. Mine were £40 each from the bay of e and they're from china but I was very impressed with them... I did have to pay import tax of £21 though, but the dresses were still cheap... X

I had originally planned to aim for about £100 each, but looking around the high street shops it started to look like I would have to go up to about £120 for anything nice. Then when I had picked my wedding dress out I found that the designer does a bridesmaid dress that complements it really well, so I've decided to splash out on them as they are perfect. It depends on what you can afford really. I googled cheap bridesmaid dresses and there were lots of options online.

Maybe if they are choosing both colour and style you could compromise if you're short on funds and go 50/50?

My bms are paying for their own or their mums are paying for junior, its the way things are done in our family, when my cousin got married I was bm and my mum paid for my dress, alterations and shoes, and not my cousin is my moh and is paying for hers and her daughters.

I don't think its bad as else they would have to get something anyway, aslong as uou don't demand they spend £200 on a dress they will never wear again! My aim it to keep everything under £60pp , I mean as a bm you get a free day of entertainment & food.

Neither. I didn't say I didn't want to pay for the dresses, I just didn't realise that it was expected of me! Now that I know it is expected of me, that's fine and I plan to buy them :)

Where did you buy the £17 dresses Laura? Sounds like a pretty good deal to me!

Thanks for the tip! Got quite a while til I need to actually buy them anyway :)

Sounds amazing! Will definitely check h&m out, thanks a lot! :)

I hear the argument about them getting food and entertainment for the day, however so are all your guests. Your bridesmaids, if they're anything like mine and like what I had to do for brides when I've been bridesmaid, will be helping you out not just on the big day being at your beckon call but also in the run up to the big day, giving you their time and probably spending money on travel to and from wherever you want to go for anything wedding related like dress buying, venue visiting and also running around arranging your hen party or weekend, often paying for your share of the hen so it's a real treat for you. I feel that given what my bridesmaids did for me they deserved nothing less than for me to pay for them to look and feel a million dollars on the day xx

I bought my BM's dresses (£5.49e maxi dresses off the bay).
I also bought them Alice bands for their hair.
but they are providing everything else. they will be doing their own makeup just like I will be. I don't have a moh as can't possibly choose between the two.

the dresses and Alice bands they keep. being maxi dresses they are wearable throughout the year as regular clothing. I see no need to buy or have them buy something that will not be worn again. buying the dresses and Alice bands are my gifts to them. but I'm storing them so they can't wear them til the day.

Hi Shannon,

I am paying for their dresses (mainly because
I have chosen the designer and they cost over 100 each) but they are paying for their shoes.
Mine were quite happy to pay for hair/make up but
I wanted to do it, so why dont you sit down with them (probably on a one to one basis) and discuss. You might find thry say, oh god, no I am happy to pay for blah blah.

Xx

i think if they offer then its ok. otherwise you should buy them. you could always ask them to pay for shoes alterations etc. im paying for dresses, alterations and shoes (if they dont already have them) and they are paying for their hair and makeup x

If I was expected to pay for my own dress (if I was female ofc :P) then I don't know if I would be happy with that. I would be more than happy to pay for accessories but not the dress itself :(

I think it depends on the price of the dress and of course your bridesmaids. I know my bridesmaids would never be able to afford much for their dresses and I have a particular dress I want them all to wear, so I'll probably buy the dresses myself and then leave accessories and shoes to their own budgets. I feel like BM dresses should be factored in to the wedding budget, but I think if money's a little tight a good compromise is to go halves.