Wedding Forum - Im SO mad at my "friends"...

Hi ladies,

I really need to let off some steam this week as I've come to the end of my tether with the group of girls Ive grown up with.
To set the scene, Ive been friends with one of them for 20 years and the other two for about 10 years. Before I met all my uni friends, my friend of 20 years and I were best friends and saw each other most days and we talked constantly.
Since she met her fiance two years ago, she has literally ditched me. Nevr wants to see me and when i spoke to her about it she apologised but nothing changed. For whatever reason, her fiance HATES me, I think its all the things shes told him, I dont for one second think its his opinion.

- We had always said we'd be each others bridesmaids since I can remember, when she got engaged she said to me "Sorry, I don't want you as my bridesmaid, your too pretty, and I want people looking at me on my wedding day, not you"
(Obviously I was completely gutted about this- what the hell?) and since we've drifted further apart, but still see each other in a group about once a month.

So when i get engaged i get sly digs that "You'll do it first" and all that...well yes, she planned for wedding for 3 years time!

Long story short, Ive felt like shes controlled how the others have acted around me and its been awkward for about a year (since i got engaged)

SO....MY HEN DO

My lovely sister and two bridesmaids have planned my hen do weekend for April next year. From what I can gather the cost of this is just over £100 for the weekend. Deposit to pay now £20.

The friend of 20 years just left the conversation on FB without a yes or no and the others just werent replying.
We went to an old school friends wedding on saturday so I thought it would be a good idea to ask for yes or no's.
Responses:
1) Ive spent so much money this month on tickets that I cant afford the deposit (£20)....then proceeds to drink bottle of prosecco to self and go into town after the wedding.
2) Ive got conferences all month and Im not allowed a weekend off??? LOL.
3) (friend of 20 years) I don't know what I will be spending my money on that month, so Im going to have to be a no.

I'm so angry that the girls I've known for so long are acting like they just don't care, maybe they dont. But I'd rather just end the friendship than keep wondering why they keep being so un-friend-like.

I would have thought there would have been a certain amount of loyalty built over the years, but no. Whats the worst is that, everything their saying no to me for, I would have said yes to them without even thinking.....

What would you ladies do?? (sorry for long post!!) xxx

aww hunny, ill keep it simple as feeding babe but in one simple word. DITCH!!!!!!!!!!! what bitches. you do not need them in your life xxx

Wow.. Sounds like a big fat dose of jealousy and you 2 10year friends treating your 20year friend as queen-bee..
Unfortunately I learnt at an early age that there is always one girl in a group of girls that can click her fingers and the rest will come running.. I have no idea why, but that's how it always seems to be.. In every friendship group I've been in, someone has eventually decided they don't like me and clicked their fingers causing everyone else to ditch me to..
One of my actual friends once told me they think it's pure jealousy on those peoples part...... Which is what I think has happened here..
Seriously, ditch them.. You do not need any negativity around yo, whether it be your hen or your wedding.. The 20year friend sounds like a backstabbing jealous so-and-so and your 10year friends are quite clearly cowardly sheep..

Xxx

That sounds terrible, I have drifted away from friends which I thought i would always have and be close with my best friend of 9 years I can't even talk to anymore , as we just don't seem to know each other and feel like its so awkward, and the others are nearly as bad, Its all since I had my baby, at first they were all really excited about it for me, and came to naming day and made my bestfriend "god mother" but since I barely see them, I always make an effort to go to things they are planning but obviously I can't all the time, but it try even if I pop in for half hour, but they don't make the same effort and don't even invite me to stuff anymore, i just see the pic on facebook and think thanks alot for inviting me! Im currently cutting down our numbers and don't even know wether to invite them to the day, coz even if i invite one, the others will be like why am i not invited. seeming as my bestfriend was originaly supposed to be my MOH and is now not even going to be asked to be a bridesmaid!

Thanks for that ladies, I have been told by a lot of people that it seems like jealousy. And a clairvoyant once told me that I have a girl hanging around that is jealous of me and will try to sabotage stuff (whether you believe in that sort of stuff or not, it rang bells!!)

But my mum is refusing to have the main one at the home reception now, she says shes not paying for her meal. And I know that, I would feel uncomfortable having her fiance there, coz he just ignores me. And I think that she would just sit there, not drinking, and critise everything I do as extravagant and showy offy.
She once bought me a makeup bag that said "Queen of F***ing Everything" on it. I'm beginning to think it was a sly dig, even then.

What does grate me though, is that the school friends wedding we all went to on Saturday, she went to her hen do the week before.... £100 for one night in spa hotel. So you had the money for someone we havent seen properly for about 8 years, but for someone who has been by your side for the best part of 2 decades, you cant fork out a £20 deposit!!

I do know i need to just walk away from it all, but its how?? How do i just go..game over Ive had enough! Coz they are planning a christmas meal, i just want to leave the conversation, as thats what we seem to do now!!!

Wow, some friends they are!! I seriously wouldn't bother with them.

I only have 6 of my friends coming to my wedding and only 3 of those are days guests. Purely because, they're the ones I'm still in contact with and the only ones I get along with.

You'd only end up spending all your time worrying they're having a good time anyway x

Wow, what a great friend she seems to be...NOT!
Cannot imagine how your feeling in this situation but have you tried just speaking to her and the other girls one to one to let them know how your feeling?
Only other thing i can suggest is not bother with them, if they are happy to be immature then let them! And as for your friend of 20 years, when she gets married and realises that her best friend isnt there for support it'll hit her in the face how much of a b**** she has been!
Your wedding and the planning should be one of the happiest time of your life xxx

Danni13 I really feel for you! Me & my fiancé have gone through a similar thing but with his friends - some he's known for 20 years +. He was in a large group of friends and because a few of the girls (partners of his male friends) took a disliking to me for some reason, he has basically been given the ultimatum of her or us. We've been engaged for 5 months and some of his 'friends' have yet to acknowledge our engagement (no congratulations or anything), & when we had a small engagement gathering at our house, certain friends just ignored our invite. It's even at a stage where he gets invited to events as if he is a single person and I don't exist.
This has all been going on for a long time & caused my fiancé to have a breakdown & depression last year - he is absolutely fine now but who helped to nurse him and get him back on his feet? His family, me, my family and a handful of true friends - no contact or support at all from the supposed 'friends' that have him an ultimatum!
We get married next year and are bracing ourselves for an attempted bulldozing & no doubt they will say he's making the worst decision of his life. We've yet to do our invited but I'm not looking forward to the aggro when we do.
My mum gave me some great advice regarding our wedding and what we've planned etc 'The people who matter dont mind and the people that mind, don't matter'. I personally would say that these people aren't your friends - your best friends aren't necessarily your oldest friends, they just got there first. It's just taken 20 years to show their true colours. True friends would pay what they could to celebrate your happiness - let alone £20!! They are bricks tied to you, dragging you down. The older you get, the less friends you will find you need.
What I say to my H2B is ultimately it's me & him, we're a team. And when we're married, and have a baby and are up at 3 am making bottles and changing nappies, these people will be the least of our worries, so why should we let them be now?!
Enjoy the run up to your wedding & don't have anyone there thats going to rain on your parade - their attitude says more about them as a person then it does about you. Xxx
Ps sorry for my rant, it's nice to know we're not the only ones who have experienced this - as awful as it is, it's certainly made us stronger as a couple.

they are not friends hun.... walk away .....delete numbers .. block on fb ....dont reply if they txt you

its horrible isnt it :( my brothers gf hates me and makes nasty comments....took me a long time and a lot of tears to not give her the delight in giving a reaction to show i cared!
its a hard thing to do...but be civil if they speak to you, and if they dont...forget about them, they arent worth the upset and tears the make :(
at the end of the day you can hold you head high and know you havent done anything wrong :)
xx

Thanks for all your advice ladies :)

I did what you said and left the conversation on FB about Christmas because Im not interested. I didnt even get one text about why I left!! So clearly their all just talking about it behind my back and arent bothering to ask me why Ive done it.

My sister has told me not to give the main one the satisfaction of kicking off, because alienating me is all she ever wanted to do.

Thing is, its just hard at the end now, Ive got so many friends and this particular group are not like me at all, so it would be better if they werent at my Hen, as they wouldn't probably moan that it wasnt their thing!!

I have 20 fab ladies coming to my hen night, and I dont want to let a few people taint it!!

:) x

How awful!! Defo not what I would call friends. I know it might seem like a shame having know them for so long but I'd just not bother getting in touch again now!! I think the 'I don't want you to be bm cos you're too pretty' would have been the end for me

Reading everyone's post is like looking into my life as well.. I moved away from my friends and family to be with my OH and i lost all my friends.. its absolutely broke my heart but my OH said they aren't friends if that occurs. Its your day not theirs, if they are being A*holes then sack them off. My OH best friend who also happens to be his best man, invited my OH out but not me. Now i'm one of those people who says it how it is. i don't beat around the bush. My partner has always said i'm more important.. You should just say look i don't want you at my wedding, i'm no longer interested in this friendship and then leave it at that. To be friends will never judge, will always support no matter what. Your happiness and your partners happiness is the most important.. Look after number 1. xx