Im sure my Dad would be happy to chip in but he recently gave me £2k towards my university fees so i feel bad asking him for more money even though he has been saving that money for years and my sisters have had an equal amount. Originally we were having a really cheap wedding which i was confident we could pay for much of it ourselves but now we have changed venue to make things less complicated and its a fair bit more. My OH is really set on it and says that his family will happily put £2k towards it and its not unreasonable to ask my family to do the same. Is it unreasonable? I dont know whether its just me and my serious dislike for asking for money?
CommentAuthorMrsCross2be
hmmm I would also feel awkward asking for money. My parents wanted to be traditional and my fiance wanted us to pay for everything so eventually we settled on, them paying for the large things like my dress, the church and the reception and us buying flowers, magician and nicey things. His parents have no money but offered to pay for our photography but we would never just have asked them. We planned our wedding far enough in advance so that we could save up and make sure that we are covered.
CommentAuthorMrs T. 2 Be
We haven't asked our family for any money but my Mum, Dad and H2bs parents have offered to make contributions, all of varied amounts, but I personally wouldn't have asked them if they hadn't offered.
Started Dating: 25th September 2005
Engaged: 26th September 2012
Getting Married: 25th May 2014
CommentAuthorLauraJo87
Personally, I don't agree with asking for money off parents....for weddings anyway.it's your decision to get married, you've chosen the venue etc so why expect them to contribute? I wouldn't have felt comfortable with booking something which we couldn't afford,
My pils gave us £1500 as a gift, which was very generous of them and unexpected, my dad gave me another grand and my mum, whilst she isn't in a position to help financially actually helped us save in excess of a grand by helping with DIY etc... We didn't solicit or expect the money, they offered and we accepted.
Another thing to consider if the parents are paying for a large chunk of the wedding, there is always a risk that you will lose control over certain aspects....in particular, if they feel they are paying for it, they may expect you to invite certain people, often over people who you would wish to be there anyway.
Xx
My Beating Heart Belongs To You
30 August 2013
The First Day Of My Happily Ever After
CommentAuthorKirsty
Whilst I never asked, my parents have offered to pay for my outfit. This was done for both of my sisters so they told me as soon as we were engaged. They also surprised us by paying for out venue deposit when we went to view it which was a lovely surprise. I wouod never presume to ask for it but I think most family's will help out. My oh family is not contributing at all but we didnt not expect it so thats fine.
We haven't asked for any money. But h2bs dad gave us £2000 and my parents are giving us some money and my mum is helping with DIY stuff like save the dates. H2bs mum has said she will help pay for the honeymoon. So she has time to save some money. I would never asked but it is a bonus xx
CommentAuthor*KelBel*
edited
I wouldn't ask for money,we're only taking it because its been offered and I think ur h2b is going about it the wrong way to says its not unreasonable to expect it...lf you choose to get married then You should EXPECT yourselves to be able to foot the bill and if parents offer then its an added bonus! We've been lucky my h2bs parents have offered £2.5k plus the cake and my dad has offered to buy my dress but I wouldn't be cheeky and ask for money!x
Velcro...my wedding day twinny! The Two Kel's!
Got engaged 14/10/12 in Central Park NYC!
Became Mrs Macdonald 13th September 2014
Mummy to 4 girlies and baby blue boy Due 10/05/2016
CommentAuthor*The NewMrsMalin*
We haven't asked for money; my parents have kindly offered to pay for my dress and bridesmaid dresses which takes pressure of us to save for them so we are grateful for that; I feel it is rude to ask for money so we intend to wait to be offered and if they don't then that is fine too :).
Personally I'd only ask for money for the wedding if it was a loan; for instance can we borrow a grand and pay it back in monthly instalments after the wedding? I would never ask for any to just be given as a gift. If they did then that would be great but if we have to push the wedding back to 2016 to save more then that is fine too :)
Met in 2009
Got together on12th May 2011, proposed on the 12th May 2013
When you get knocked down; smile and pick yourself up again!
Fight for what you believe in!
CommentAuthorMrsThomson2B
I personally wouldn't ask. If they have given your sisters some money towards their weddigns wait and see if anything is offered. I think though your h2b is being unreasonable by saying if his parents are contributing a certain amount of cash then so should yours. I know my in laws could afford to give us a few grand if they wanted to but my parents are still apologising that they haven't bought us an engagement gift as they are so skint. Their holidays are a week in a caravan that is owned by cousin that they stay in rent free for a week while my inlaws are on their 3rd holiday this year to the far east. Finances differ between families. If you cannot afford the wedding you want just now then think abot booking for the following year which is what we did. I would have loved to get married 2015 but knew we could not afford the cash so picked 2016 instead xx
CommentAuthorFreyaA
I think this generally sorts itself out, if people are willing to give you financial help, they will offer. If they don't, they aren't going to.
As soon as we said we were getting married my grandparents said they would pay for something and so did my mum and step dad, aunty offered to make the cake etc etc, h2bs family.... silent. Got the message loud and clear!
CommentAuthorValentinaK
I asked my mum when I was little if her and dad would pay for us all to get married, as per tradition, when youre little youre more brazen! They said of course they would!
So it never really came about as a question and they sort of just "took charge" on certain items... I've paid for some things. I also asked mum what she wanted to pay for if anything and what we needed to find money for.
I'm not ashamed to ask... theyre getting a good part out of it and I think they see it as a sort of rite of passage in their daughters life that they should have influence over... its like the final step into adulthood!
And we lived happily ever after!
CommentAuthorMrsRobson2Be
edited
My grandad offered to pay for my wedding 5 years ago but at the time we hadn't really thought about getting married (even though we had been together 6 years & had a child together), so I said no. I would never expect my grandad to pay & even if we accepted his offer I would never have let him pay for the whole day, plus my grandad comes from a time when you could probably get married for a few hundred pounds.
To answer the question, I would never expect anyone to pay for my wedding, we have worked out that it will take us 3 years to save so therefor we shall get married in 3 years. If our family's do decide to contribute then I wouldn't refuse (upto a certain point) & this would either result in us getting married sooner or having a more luxurious meal, instead of a hog roast. I think your partner is being very unreasonable to expect your parents to pay, times have change most parents can no longer afford to carry on this tradition.
CommentAuthorMrs C to be!
We originally budgeted to pay for the wedding ourselves, and that was the case even when we booked venue and things, my parents are not well off, and struggle financially, and I have never expected anything from them. I also know they wouldn't necessarily be able to help out if I asked, so I never have, after being engaged for about 8 months, my finances parents, have told us they want to pay £5000 towards our wedding. It made me cry, as it was completely unexpected, and is such a huge amount. This is helping us save on our wedding. We are not using the money to go over budget. If my fiancé expected my parents to match, or offer similar it would make me feel very uncomfortable.
Equally I have not mentioned any of this to my family, as I know they will feel hurt, as they can't help out like pil2b.
I think you make the decision to get married, so you should ensure you can afford it, not book a wedding based on presumptions of cash injections
CommentAuthorVelcro
I think it's unreasonable just to expect a contribution - I think that's very rude of h2b to assume tbh....
We are getting help ourselves, his parents offered to pay the photographer and I asked my mum if she'd get my dress, there were no expectations mind so I was we'll chuffed when she said she would. I would never expect people to help though, we choose to get married not them, and we budgeted for what we could afford, so everything else is a bonus. Getting a photo booth with the dosh my mum is giving us :)
Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
*Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
CommentAuthorBeckyU98
personally we never asked for anything and i dont think its right to expect money off people. my dad has always said that he wanted to pay for wedding but never would be able to afford it so i said that he could buy my dress and when i got married i would pay for the rest. so when we got engaged they obviously said that would buy my dress, but as my dress was only £1500 (he was expecting it to cost more!) they have also agreed to pay for my tiara (70) and cars for the day (£600). H2B parents also offered to pay for our photographer (£990) if we paid the deposit and my mom is paying for flowers (£500) and invites (£100). H2B nan is also giving us £100 towards favours and my auntie is making cake we just have to buy ingredients.
if your parents offer then thats great but i would never ask for anyone to pay for my wedding as its our decision to get married. our families have been so generous with nearly £4000 towards ours and we are paying the other £10,000 ourselves - it just means that we can get exactly what we want and havent had to cut corners so far and had almost everything that we wanted within reason xx
CommentAuthorJoanna
I think it is unreasonable to ask for money. I believe if you choose to get married, you should pay for it. If your parents then offer to help out, that's lovely, but don't expect it. Plan a wedding you can afford x
The greatest thing you'll ever learn
is just to love and be loved in return
<3
CommentAuthorNearlyMrsFountain
We didn't expect anything but my mum has paid for my dress (£1100) and h2b parents have just offered £1000 so it just makes it a little easier to pay for everything so we are not struggling as much :) xxx
CommentAuthorCamillaB
this is an awkward situation your in. I would mention to your dad that your fiance family have put 2k towards the wedding, but you understand and dont expect nothing from your family due to them giving you money towards your education, and personally i think its money better spent than contributing to a wedding. judge his reaction from there?
CommentAuthorNataleeM
i would never ask for money, thats why we booked 2 years in advance so we have plenty of time to save and buy things each month etc, but mikes parents said they will give us 1000 when/if we need it and if we dont it will be a gift when er are married and my mum said she will pay for the drinks package and she buy things here and there when she sees them and its lovely actually my mum isnt a girly mum and she doesnt really get excited over things like this but she is really getting involved and i love how she comes round with umbrellas and personalised lip balm for the toilet etc :) xx
Can not wait until I marry the man of my DREAMS <3
CommentAuthorFernP61
i dont think its unreasonable to ask him if he could help towards the costs? just say can you give me an amount your comfortable with we have paid for all our wedding ourselves i havent got any parents x
CommentAuthorCrawf
I think it's only fair for the other side to contribute something if one is..BUT I would feel uncomfortable asking. By something I mean anything! A gesture or a small offering is enough. I say this because my parents have contributed a sum of money to our wedding and it has upset us both that his parents are refusing to offer anything. I understand they are not well off, but even offering to pay for their own suit or something small as a gesture would be nice to acknowledge that the burden had fallen on my family to help..!
CommentAuthorMrsH-2B
My parents are paying for our venue, my dress and helping toward our honeymoon.. We didn't ask, she told us lol.. She sees it that she paid 2x Uni fees for my bro cause he went twice and I didn't go to Uni so it's her way of balancing it out I guess.. We wouldn't be able to do it without her though.. I doubt FiL will help at all.. He gave his granddaughter £10k toward her wedding but she gets so much money from him throughout the year it's scary.. He isn't like that with H2B for some reason.. It hurts him a lot, but he'd never say anything xxx
I can't wait to become his Wife :-) <3
4th July 2015 <3
CommentAuthorMeeni
I could never ask for money off my parents or H2B parents they both would have the money to give if we asked but we still wouldnt. We know what the max we could spend is and if either of our parents offers to give us some money we wil accept it and be very happy. But we wont go looking.
CommentAuthorFernP61
H2bs mum has just have us money we paid on suits and food x
CommentAuthorFernP61
#gave
CommentAuthorMrsRobson2Be
I am really shocked at some of these replies stating that if one parent pays so should the other!! YOU chose to get married so why should anyone else have to pay for it?? My mum & dad (seperated with new husbands/wifes) both are comfortable money wise & I imagine will contribute, although I would never ask or expect it. My partners parents are struggling money wise, last year his dad was made redundant after serving 30+ years, he struggled to get work after & is now in a much lower salary job, making enough money to live off. If my parents do help with money why should my in laws struggle anymore than they already are, by paying for the wedding we want?
