I am having difficulties with one of my bridesmaids, my best friend in fact. She doesn't seem bothered about my day one bit and she has had a baby in May so should be a little bit more sociable by now? How do I go about letting her down gently or asking her if she is even up for still being my bridesmaid? She never replies to messages or anything. I can't be having useless and unreliable girls
Thank you
CommentAuthorAna40
It's hard to judge without knowing the people personally. I haven't got any children, but she may still be settling into motherhood if the baby is only 12 weeks. I would just be honest and talk to her directly about your thoughts. But she might be wanting support from you and could be upset by your feelings. X
CommentAuthorangel830609
my sister had her little boy in may and is still figuring things out, i'd have a chat with her, ask her how she is and how she's feeling like ana40 said she may want a bit of support xx
it's been a long hard road, but hopefully we're getting
somewhere :) xx
CommentAuthorVelcro
Tbh, if she's got a new baby your wedding will be the last thing on her mind. Maybe she feels the same, that you're not interested in her or her baby, only your wedding and perhaps is just hoping for a hello how are you rather than wedding talk?
I t.hink it's a little unfair to call her unreliable and useless, actually it's very unfair. Babies are very demanding all the time not just the first few weeks. My friends little one still doesn't sleep right through and he's coming up to 10 months she's always knackered - give her more time
Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
*Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
CommentAuthorValentinaK
yeah, 12 weeks is only half o the maternity leave we get... which is there for a reason!
Especially if its her first baby, give her a break! She has a new life to protect!
Am sure its not that she's not bothered...shes probably tired, stressed, loathing herself in various ways and scared! Maybe she'd relax and be more in to your wedding with some support!
Some young mums feel isolated, especially if none of their friend are going through the same... i remeber onbe of the girls from work was fretting, she got very isolated, the other girls didn't really make an effort to include her in things once the baby was born so she stopped asking too...
Ok thank you for your help. I will give her a bit more time. I may ask her in the next couple of months whether or not she is still up for being my bridesmaid. I just can't be stressing over things like this. Me and stress don't go very well :)
CommentAuthorLauraT41
Hi, I have three bridesmaids, was 4 but that's another story ! - two of my best friends have children and even though were still very close, its obvious that children change peoples priority's - I am sure if she is a good enough friend to be one of your bridesmaids that she has not wanted to avoid your big day , it is very possible that she has her hands full with her little bundle !
I have at times been frustrated with my girls but I have to step back and stop myself being hard on them as I know they would never neglect our friendship but they have lots of other things going on at home which means girlie time is not as easy as it ever used to be. I would suggest meeting up with her and see how the conversation goes, she may well open up about how she is coping as a new mum and that may go some way to explain her absence in your planning , I am sure after a coffee ( or wine ! ) you can both have an open honest conversation which may make you feel better about your planning , you still have 8 months to go , it maybe that once she realises how you feel and vice versa that the next few months become easier.
Hope you sort it out x
CommentAuthorangel830609
it's been a long hard road, but hopefully we're getting
somewhere :) xx
CommentAuthorStaceyB5
Thank you Laura that is a good post and I will try and chill out a bit. I will probably speak to her soon about the whole thing :)
xx
CommentAuthorLauraT41
I am sure it will all work out perfectly :) x x
CommentAuthor*The NewMrsMalin*
Yeah I suggest the same thing as other have; just give her time and ask her in a little while :)
Met in 2009
Got together on12th May 2011, proposed on the 12th May 2013
When you get knocked down; smile and pick yourself up again!
Fight for what you believe in!
CommentAuthorsarsibob1
at 12 weeks her baby is probably still getting her up every 2 hours through the night. I was a zombie for 6 months. She won't be particularly sociable for a while - maybe see if her partner can take the baby and go out for a coffee or a drink - just the two of you. Don't just talk wedding though - she may need to unload on what is happening in her life too. people who haven't had a baby can't imagine the sheer tiredness and quite often loneliness that comes with being a new mum. If she is the only one in your group with a baby she may be feeling quite isolated and lonely. Be a good friend and don't label her useless and unreliable and saying she should go out more - understand that she will probably be unable to spend lots of time on the wedding until her little one is at least sleeping through and a bit more independent.
CommentAuthorKirsty
One of my bms had her baby in may so I know what you mean. I have just made sure she knows how much I care for her and her baby. At first we hardly talked about the wedding but recently she has said she felt bad she had been distracted and we spent a morning ring shopping. You still have plenty of time before the wedding and as she gets more used to motherhood she will be more avaliable. I think some nice adult conversion would be appreciated if my friend is anything to go by lol!
CommentAuthormiss_finch
My son is 10 months old and for me the first 3 months are hazy!!!! I am only just beginning to reassemble my life. I am the only one of my friends with a child and believe me its quite lonely at times! Your whole life changes when you have a baby, of course you want her to be interested in your wedding but it works both ways! I would definitely agree with Kirsty... some baby free, wedding free adult conversation and I am sure everything will work out xx
The future Mrs Conroy September 2016
Vicky and Matthew 4th June 2011
Sonny George Conroy 02/10/2012... my world!!!
CommentAuthorLauraE67
i was supposed to be a bridesmaid for my friend, she left our local town in September and asked me before she left, i have always been the first to contact, admittedly not as much probably as i should have but i also moved away from our home town 3 months after her so was sorting out my house and looking for a new job, we then got engaged in May so i have been busy planning my wedding, i text her to ask her her address to invite her to the wedding and she said says she doesnt want me to be her bridesmaid no more as we haven't been in touch much or seen each other in nearly a year, i feel so hurt, i was busy myself and didnt want to bother her so much as knew she would be in a similar situation to me, it takes 2 to tango i felt like telling her, i know this is a different scenario but im just saying people have busy lives and time goes so fast, i just wish she would have spoken to me about it as we had been friends for 10 years and now that has just gone, its just a waste x
CommentAuthorFernP61
Tricky one maybe go over and discuss wedding stuff with her and ask what styles she likes (dresses) this should determine her interest good luck x
CommentAuthormadhen
I can see how you're struggling - one of my BMs had a baby a fortnight ago so I'm definitely not bothering her with wedding stuff unless absolutely necessary! As you can see, our wedding isn't too long away, so I've just tried to avoid contacting her with wedding stuff unless it was particularly important - i.e. arranging her dress fitting for the weekend after next. The rest of my excitement I've pretty much offloaded on my other BM! But the main thing is that even though she knew how close the two would happen, she still wanted to be part of our day. That means the world to me, and let's face it - babies are slightly more important than weddings if we're honest with ourselves! I wouldn't worry - you've a while to go yet and she'll be well settled into her routine by then. Don't let yourself stress about it, that's the main thing. It will all work out and the planning should be fun :)
