Wedding Forum - How to choose bridesmaids????...

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Family/Attendants Stress: how to choose bridesmaids????

1 to 20 of 20

- CommentAuthorChristinaB38
Hi Ladies,

I was wondering if i could ask your advice?

First when did you ask your bridesmaids to be bridesmaids?

Secondly - how on earth do you choose them - i have a rather large family and know that i would like my daughter to be flower girl and also quite like the idea of my brother's daughters being bridesmaids as well, however, if i have them then i feel obliged to have my half sisters daughter as one as well, then my step brother and sisters girls - where does it stop?

I have also been a bridesmaid to a couple of my friends previously and i think it is expected that i will ask their children to be bridesmainds/page boys etc.

Then adult bridesmaids i was thinking of two of my friends but worry about upsetting other friends by not asking them?

Help!!!
- CommentAuthorAna40
  
  edited
I'm having my sisters and my brothers gf, who is like family. I'm close to my family and thought it would be a nice family event. I couldn't imagine getting ready on the morning of my wedding without my sisters there. I asked them when we were all together. I had cards specially made for them. X
- CommentAuthor*KelBel*
I asked mine the day I got bk from New York after getting engaged, I asked my friend who's one of my longest friends, another friend who was a huge support through my last break up and also my future h2b's two sisters...those two were a no brainer really and neither have been a bridesmaid so loved being asked x

Velcro...my wedding day twinny! The Two Kel's!
Got engaged 14/10/12 in Central Park NYC!
Became Mrs Macdonald 13th September 2014
Mummy to 4 girlies and baby blue boy Due 10/05/2016
- CommentAuthorJoanna
Choose whoever you WANT, not who you think you should have. If you're unsure, leave it a bit longer before asking, there's no rush. I had my sister and my sister's two daughters x

The greatest thing you'll ever learn
is just to love and be loved in return
<3
- CommentAuthorFernP61
Ooo a tricky one, I have a daughter who is flower girl and a son who is the only Paige boy, I have two younger sisters 16-17 the sixteen year old has no interest and the seventeen year old is a pending one! She doesn't seem bothered, my good friend is my moh and my friend I've known for ten years is the bridesmaid x. If I was you I would narrow it down don't feel obliged to have every family member x

- CommentAuthorChristinaB38
thank you all - i just worry about upsetting people - problem is if i have everyone i think i should it will cost loads!

Also, did you/are you paying for suit hire for groomsmen/father of bride etc etc - H2B thinks that they should pay but i would feel very uncomfortable with that
- CommentAuthorJoanna
We asked the men to pay for their own suits, but we paid for my nephew because we bought my nieces dresses so it was fair, and my stepdad because he'd helped out so much with wedding stuff. The other men paid for their own and didn't seem to mind. I think it's quite common now really.

The greatest thing you'll ever learn
is just to love and be loved in return
<3
- CommentAuthorCharlieBe-Cool
We're having 3 adult BMs, MOH and our 2 sons as pageboy. Didnt ask my sister or her boys to be involved, she isnt interested, she'll only bother attending for a free p**s up! My BM/MOH ive known for 24 years so very old, close friends. I wouldnt feel bad, just ask who you want and can afford.

As to suits - I think we'll probably cover these as my dad is contributing to wedding so it will be our small 'treat'.

Met my prince charming - May 2002
Finally tying the knot - July 2015
Where there is love there is life - Muhatma Ghandi
- CommentAuthorWhovianbride
I have a big family 2 , choose who your closest too, and no one will expect you you include everyone in the bridal party, im having my cousin as my Moh, as shes always been there for me and i know i can trust to look after my interests! Im also thinking about asking my newish friend , who is totaly amazing, i met her at my antenatal classes, and our daughters birthdays are 2 days apart! And we are throwing them a joint bday party next month ! They are going to be 2!
I always thought my best friend from school wiuld be my moh but since i had my daughter we have seriously grown apart even tho i made her godmother! So at the moment she will be luck to be made a bridesmaid! Then im having my cousins daughter Amy as junior bm! (Omg i just realised shes a red head called Amy , Whovian fan moment) and my daughter as flower girl!

Met June 2009 on my Birthday,Met again July 2009 and got
together, May 2010 Moved in,Jan 2011 got pregnant,
August 2011 Got our own place, 2011 Had our Baby Girl,
Dec 2011 Got engaged, July 2015 Getting married! Yay!
- CommentAuthorBeckyU98
i asked my bridesmaids the day i got engaged as i had seen them all later that day. I have my best friend (also H2B's cousin) as my MOH, and had my 15 year old cousin as adult bridesmaid. then i have my 5 year old sister and 8 year old neice as flower girls. i always knew these ones would be my bridesmaids. i also wanted my sister in law who i have known for 9 years but then i would have had to have other sister in law who i dont really know too well. i know that my sister in law wouldnt be too bothered about being bridesmaid as her daughter is so i left it at that.

you only need to have who you really want! my cousin ended up with 12 bridesmaids which i thought was a ridiculous number. if you are not sure then just wait a bit longer before asking them.

with regards to the suits, we are paying for H2B, Best Man and FOB as my dad has paid for my dress and cars. H2B's father has offered to pay for his own and i have asked all the ushers (4 of them) to pay for their own suits too. at £100 each we just couldnt afford to buy 8 of them. if you want people to pay for their own suits then make sure you let them know when you ask them to be involved in wedding xx
- CommentAuthorElinor Claire
It's a difficult one, as if you have your brother's kids but not the children of half or step siblings they might feel that you're treating them as less a part of the family. I don't think you need to worry about your friends' children though; they've no right to expect it, and you have a lot just from the family. You could just have your daughter as the only flower girl and then your adult bridesmaids, otherwise you probably will need to include all of your nieces at least. You could probably justify not having any page boys. Maybe you could come up with another role for the other girls.

30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.
- CommentAuthorValentinaK
You can have whoever you want. The best thing is not to imply anybody will be your bridesmaid or entertain the idea at any point that you don't want or aren't 100% sure you want them to be until you are 100% sure.

Some people its easy to choose, I knew my2 sisters and OH's sister, but I did want one more and so I chose one of my best mates, The one I've known the longest and lives the closest by and gets me and my crazy life... it's not that others don't... I would have loved 2 of my uni mates to have been my BMs and my 2 girl cousins, but 4 was enough.

I think its balanced too. 4 is a nice number. H2B has his best man, his little bro as pageboy, my 2 bros and a best friend as his ushers. So 4 BMs, 4 groomsmen and a pageboy which works out just right!

Plus I we have the right mix of family and friends I think.

I've asked my 3 closest cousins to do readings and bidding prayers, H2Bs mum is doing 1 reading. And they'll also be gift bearers/offertry.

My godmother is going to be my witness, her husband, my uncle and Godfather, was my sponsor when I got confirmed so I think this balances things nicely.

My Aunty and Uncle on mums side have been very involved with the wedding planning, and uncle will be MC and also driving his car for the BMs- a light blue jaguar! Aunty is making a cake, and the reception venue is my Uncle's masonic lodge!

Some of my Dad's side will have to be left out as there are only so many jobs to be filled and ith so many family members on both sides, you're never going to please everyone.

If people ask why you're not having x, y, z say you would have loved to have had them but it was getting a bit crazy and the cost would be extortionate, plus you'd rather take the pressure off them to enjoy the day!

And we lived happily ever after!
- CommentAuthorElinor Claire
I have six bridesmaids and a flower girl, plus two page boys, and that is partly diplomatic. My MOH is my landlady and closest friend (I lodge with her family). I have a second MOH who I am fairly close to, but I'm asking her mainly because when I moved into the family home, where she had previously lived as a lodger, she found it very hard (not her fault, she was rather neglected as a child and my landlady was her surrogate mother). She then had my landlady as MOH a few years ago, and I felt she might be bothered about me having the same MOH. Anyway I think they will make a very good team, and take a lot of the stress out of the day. Then I have the children of the family that I am living with, two girls and a boy, as they have been something like younger siblings. Also there is my H2B's sister. The last bridesmaid is the older sister of my flower girl. I know when I was younger I would have been furious if a younger sibling was asked and I wasn't, and they are both my parents godchildren. Their little brother is the other page boy. It will be expensive, I've accepted that. The page boys I think I can do very cheaply, just by getting a white shirt and black trousers from a school uniform place (if they don't already have them) so they only need waistcoats. My mum is insisting on sorting out the flower girl, and I'm just going to grit my teeth with the bridesmaids dresses. I don't want to ask them to pay, as they are only bridesmaids because I have asked them, and my landlady can barely keep her head above water financially as it is, without outfits for herself and three children to buy. WIth the ushers (we have six there too), we'll ask them to wear their own suits and we'll provide matching ties.

30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.
- CommentAuthorLulu1388
I only had 2 bridesmaids and a flowergirl.
I knew no matter what my best mate would be my MOH. and as soon as she found out i was engaged i didnt even ask, i just said of course your my maid of honour and she just looked at me!!
Then hubby and I always agreed our niece & nephew (his bros kids) were going to be flowergirl and pageboy, went without saying!! And then out of the blue i thought would be really nice to have my SIL as my bridesmaid! (so FG mom) and it was fitting as had his brother & my brother as ushers, so kept it all in the family!!
The way I asked my SIL was just over text, I just said i'd be honoured if you would be my bridesmaid!!

With regards to you, never feel you have to have someone, have who you want, have as many or as few as you would like!!

At one point my mom asked if my cousins were going to be and I said no, my 'friend' (comes out of woodworks when shes after something) assumed she was and was like 'are you not having any....' as hadnt asked her etc.

Its your day you have who you want, dont let anyone force you otherwise! xx

Every Once In a While In The Middle of an Ordinary Life
. . . Love Gives Us a Fairytale. . .
- CommentAuthorAmieW16
I am just in the middle of trying to decide this, too! I don't have any siblings, but H2B has two sisters and a brother, one sister of which has two little girls. I have two close friends who I am thinking of asking, but they're not in contact as much as they used to be. I am definitely asking H2B's two sisters as they are really lovely, and also having the two little ladies as flower girls. The question is, do I ask my two close friends? I have already asked one of them who I am closer to, but I only talk to her once every three months if lucky. I could ask my cousin to be bridesmaid, then it evens up numbers between the bridal party and groomsmen.

H2B is having his brother and 1 friend as ushers and his best friend, Pete as best man.
- CommentAuthorChristinaB38
ok update have now asked the two adults and they are over the moon (thankfully)

Children still don't know?????
- CommentAuthor*The NewMrsMalin*
Woo and names in a hat if you really can't choose? :S

Met in 2009
Got together on12th May 2011, proposed on the 12th May 2013
When you get knocked down; smile and pick yourself up again!
Fight for what you believe in!
- CommentAuthorangel830609
me and my partner have 10 bm, 6 adults (my 4 sister's and 2 of my best friends) then 4 little ones, our little girl and 3 of my friends little girls, I could have so many more but feel 10 is more than enough then we have my 2 friends little boys as paige boys and our little man as ring bearer, he's got his best friend as best man, he hasn't picked any ushers and not sure if he's going to, then of course my dad is giving me away, havn't really thought of witness' yet.
ultimately it's your choice how many you do or don't have and what you feel comfortable with, and as for paying for the dresses etc we are paying for them but apart from the little bm we are getting them from either tk maxx or next clearance, and then the men's suits from either bay of e or Matalan xx

it's been a long hard road, but hopefully we're getting
somewhere :) xx
- CommentAuthoralmost a year wife!!
I'm having my sis (moh), h2bs sis, my cousin and my friends daughter as fg.... I think there is a line when enough people is enough people!

Ill marry my hero
- CommentAuthorRennie1989
I have my two little cousins from my mum's family, the 12 year old is bridesmaid and the 6 year old is flower girl. The three adults are my best friend and SILs. I asked them more or less once we got engaged.

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