Wedding Forum - Omfg! I just wanna scream!...

Sorry but really do need to get this off m chest before I explode.

So we went to see the other half's mother (my future monster in law), before we went in her house, I told myself today I will try my best to get on with her. Well that went down the drain from the very start....

The Sofa:
Other half needed the loo so, I was downstairs alone with her for a few mins, went to sit down on the sofa we usually sit down on (the bigger one, the one that isn't stuffed into a corner)
"No no! Don't sit down here, I don't have anyone sat down on this on anymore," she said, "It's where his dad (she means step dad) use to sit."
Okay... a few more seconds had past and she then added
"It would be like replacing him if someone else sat there. (They have been separated since before October last year and people have sat there since, so what's different now?) If you and Terry (other half) broke up would you let another man sit next to you?"
I just said no as if I had said what I wanted to it would have ended badly I'm sure.
But first off, it's not as if either of us is another man trying to hit on her in her house, it's her youngest son which she hasn't seen in like 6months because of her one doing. Second of all, I probably would sit next to another man as I have a lot of male friends and just because they sat on a piece of sofa it wouldn't be replacing him. But anyways, I'm sure she has her own logic behind it.

The Alone Talk:
After other half came back down she said, "Terry can I talk to you alone for a moment." They went outside for about 10mins - fair enough I thought. When they came back in she said to me,
"I'm sure you parents do the same every now and then."
Again, just agreed with her as I couldn't really be bothered to have a debate about this subject, but honestly, they never do, they know I'm marrying him, I love him and I'm going to spend the rest of my life with him so what ever they have to say to me the just say it while he is there after all, they treat him like family.
I later found out from the other half after we had left hers that it was about him changing his surname back to his fathers surname, she had a go at him for it! Excuse me, but it is his life, his choice, his real name and her daughter has the same surname and she has ever once had a go at her for it.

Birthday Pressie:
A little bit later, we gave her her birthday pressie, which she looked ungrateful for - at least we got her something!
She didn't get anything for her son's 21st - not a gift, not a card, not a phone call or a text - my Nanna was in hospital on the day of his birthday she still manged to get a card and some money and phoned him to wish him happy birthday.

The Cup:
Other half made a cuppa and we where half way through drinking it and she went and old him to change cups and to wash that one up because it was his dad's (step dad) cup. So he did that.

Insulting:
She then asked what we had been up to, Terry started telling, half way through she interrupted him and said, "I'm not interested." OMFG! Then why f**king ask!? She then asked me if I had the house tidied yet, I said yes, if she could be bothered to visit us she would know that is it always spotless, we have lived in this house for over a year now and she hasn't once came through to see us, so I don't know how she dares ask if it's tidy YET!

Jen:
After she slightly had a go about Jen (she is getting married to her eldest son at the end of this month) about wedding stuff and how she treats her son "horribly", she asked us about our wedding.

And this is when I wanted to explode!

Before I start this part I just want to add that the last time we went through to see her, she basically told me that my religion - Church of England is "below" her and it isn't a real religion because it was made by a King who just wanted a divorce.

Church:
She went on about her church (a Catholic one), and then half way though her sentence she said, "You're Church of England aren't you?" I nodded. She carried on with, "Well you won't know this then but when you get married in a Catholic Church and you stand in front of the priest you stand in front of God and you say your vows in front and to God himself."
Well no s**t! I thought that happened in Church of England church's too - but hey I could be wrong!
She then added "And when you get married in a Catholic Church it's for life."
Holy mother of God I didn't know that! Plus this is rich coming from a woman who has been married three times, divorced twice and has now been separated from her husband for over a year now. And can I just point out her third oldest son is Church of England, so is her daughter and her second grand daughter.

Digs About Our Chosen Church:
Terry (other half) told her that we where getting married in my church - a church of England one. Well she didn't like that at all.
"You can't! Your Catholic! It won't be recognized to God or to a Catholic church."
Well through all of this I just stayed quite as I was exploding inside, I'm sorry but I'm not changing over a 100 years of my families tradition just to please her.
She then continued to say "You really need to discuss that matter more." Terry just said up front we have, and it's where we are getting married, it's where all her family has been married. Well she still wasn't happy.

Dress:
She later asked me if I had picked out my dress, I said I was making it myself, I received another look of disgust. Well if she wants to pay for a dress made by someone else she can do but I want to make my own, and I'm going to!

Advice:
After a little while she said, that we should only get married if we are 100% sure and if there is one little doubt we shouldn't, I'm pretty sure if we had any doubts we would have talked about them, and if there was a big enough problem we wouldn't be planning or probably even together.
Se then added, "If you do get married you need to go to marriage counseling before and during your married and you can always come to me for advice - that is what I'm here for."
First of, no. No we don'' need to go to counseling, and the only advice I would take from her is how to destroy a marriage. No one in my family has been divorced and I don't intend to be the first.

Sorry for how long this has been, but it really peeved me off and I think I missed loads out...

X

Oh.My.God! She sounds like hard work!

I hope she hasn't upset you. Just remember that it's your's & H2B's day and you shouldn't let other people's opinions affect your planning.

It makes me appreciate how much I love my MIL2B, I definitely got lucky with mine compared to some of the stories I've heard about others :/ x

I wouldnt let her get to you, it doesnt sound like your going to see her very often and it isnt worth upsetting your emotions about. tbh it sounds like she isnt a very happy woman. X

Ignore the batty moo lol just jealous hun lol xx

Wow; poor you. Just ignore her :S

just reading that makes me grateful i have an amazing MIL.....though i'm very strong willed she would have been told to mind her business if it was me!

bless you hun, just ignore her, some mothers just dont like to let go of their sons and not one thing his soulmate does would be good enough! you guys know the truth just do what you want, that will annoy her more ;) xxx

Does she even need to be at the wedding xx

Well, she has already told us that she won't be coming to our engagement party because his real dad will be there, but we haven't sent the invites out for that yet, but when we do other half has already said that if she tuns it down, she won't be invited to the wedding and she won't have anything to do with our future life together, he says that if that is what happens, our children won't even know that she exists. I asked him if he was sure on this and he says yes. So coming to the wedding depends on her answer on the engagement party.But in saying this in the past two months she has missed two of her grand daughters and her daughter been christened so I don't see why she would bother trying to make it to the engagement party.

X

Ooh hopefully you'll have a bit of luck then and she doesn't come to the engagement party;) xx

Precisely blah blah blah don't listen to her lol xx

Once you stop caring about what she says it'll be easier. She sounds mad and I would try not to take it to heart.

lol and I thought I was the only one that had had MIL problems... She sounds just like my ex mil she is the b*tch from hell pure evil and loads more I can say... Don't take any notice of her I never used to mine women like that should be put down I swore I would never be like that when my boys married and I can honestly say I never have been with my DIL. Poor you xxxx

Can I slap her for you xx

MrsHall2Be, how do I manage not to say anything... Well I hope if I don't she will just shut up sooner (hasn't worked so far though).

Cathryn, please be my guest in doing soo!

I think one of the things that peeves me off the most about her is that she always imply's that because I'm Church Of England that I'm going to get a divorce - which is rich coming from her (as I said three failed marriages).

X

Sooo happy I get on with my mother in law xx

I doubt she will get better, OH and myself have been together for three years now and she has slowly gotten worse over this time. First time I met her she insulted how I dressed and how I had my hair.

X

Oh dear then I'll just put her out of my mind then if I was you; if she hasn't changed and has got worse in the 3 years that you have been together then it might be best just to leave her out of it. If she can't be happy for you both then why should she share in your happiness on the biggest day of your life :S

She sounds like a right piece of work,no wonder u don't see her often! I feel lucky I gt along with mine :-)

GemmaP you are so lucky not to know her! Wish I had a mother in law that I could get along with, but in a way I do, OH's step mam is my real mother in law, see her more and she is lovely - so I'm lucky in the way that I have a back up MIL =D
Always said that other half needs a medal fr having her as his mother and his dad needs something for actually marring her at some point in his life.

X

oh hun what a horrid woman!

But can I just say hats off to your h2b! OK yes he gave in with the whole changing his cup halfway through a cuppa thing BUT(!) the fact that when she is such an evil witch to you he doesn't talk to her? That just speaks volumes about how he feels about you and your relationship! All to often on this site you read about frustrated brides who feel it's their partners place to put the inlaws in their place (and I quite agree), but those partners adopt the approach of "Oh but its my Mum/Dad/Auntie's Parrot, I can't be so nasty to them" and then that's it. The bride just has to put up with it (Please be aware everyone I am in no way trying to put those particular men down and not speaking of anyone specifically...)

So I say look for the silver lining in the big dirty raincloud that is your MIL... you're h2b puts YOU before the woman who gave birth to him. That says a lot!