Hi, I have a friend who is getting married in November this year. Her hen do is planned for Edinburgh in September which i was looking forward to going on. Just, I live in Coventry and so the cheapest trains are 120! And cheapest flights 130! The hotel is 56 each for a night so I am worried that it is almost 200 before I even get there. Our only other mutual friend (who is my best friend and MOH) who would have been ther have cancelled as she lives in Surrey and it is a lot more for her to get there.
This girl who's hen do it is said to me a few weeks ago that she is really devastated about two other people who have dropped out, now if me and my Bezzie cancel on the same day she will be even more upset.
I am not sure what to do as I want to be there and to celebrate with her but by the time we pay for the two classes the MOH has organised and meals/drinks/outfits (to match theme) it's going to be nearing on 400 for the weekend and as I am saving for my own wedding I can't justify it. But I feel awful if we both drop out...
What would you do? Just suck it up and go and just save extra hard afterwards so she doesn't feel like we don't want to celebrate with her or politely decline?
CommentAuthorJoanna
It must be horrible when people can't go, but that is a crazy amount of money for a hen do! Is she not having another local do for people who can't make it that you could go on instead?
The greatest thing you'll ever learn
is just to love and be loved in return
<3
CommentAuthorxbeckix88
Is there no way she could maybe hire a minibus or something to get everyone there? Then you all chip in & split costs?? Xx
CommentAuthorCrawf
Unfortunately not, she lives in Newcastle! So, Edinburgh is just 90 minutes away for her and to be fair, it's her MOH who has arranged it. I would be gutted if people couldn't come to mine because of money, is feel really bad for making it too expensive.
Selfishly, I keep thinking if I don't go to hers, she won't come to mine.. Which is stupid to think or to be the reason to go but it's something to consider I think.
OH is no help, he just keeps saying 'if you want to go, we'll make it work and we'll save the money'. Gah, why is he nice when I need proper help deciding. Lol Xxx
CommentAuthorLauraJo87
Sheesh that is a lot of pennies! I suspect there will be a few more drop outs, to be honest...Personally, I wouldn't expect my friends to pay that much on a hen do, but each to their own. It's an awful lot of money to expect anyone to fork out - maybe someone should suggest a cheaper alternative? it's totally your choice at the end of the day and I don't know your financial position but no way would I be forking out four hundred quid for a weekend - it would mean sacrificing too many other things for us.
I'd explain to her, I'm sure she will understand...after all, she will be saving for a wedding too! Xx
It's unfortunate but if u can't afford to go, you can't go! Simple as hun... X
Ill marry my hero
CommentAuthorCrawf
Thanks for giving me advice everyone! I don't think I would pay 400 for my best friends hen do. Lol.
I think I am going to say I can't afford to go, which is rubbish but 400 will pay for both my bridesmaids, I.e. dresses, hair, shoes, accessories.. Everything!!
Xx
CommentAuthorJoanna
I'm sure if you explain to her about the travel costs, she'll understand. She knows you have a wedding to pay for x
The greatest thing you'll ever learn
is just to love and be loved in return
<3
CommentAuthorDecember
Could you and your friend who also can't afford it arrange a little gathering for the 3 of you on another weekend? Like a mini second hen night? It would give her an extra celebration but make it more affordable for you 2. Then hopefully she'd be less disappointed, and would still come to your hen party?
It is really hard. I organised a friend's last year, she wanted something expensive, all her friends dropped out, we had to cancel the whole thing!!! It was really awful, and her friends blamed me! I just did what she wanted. I've been thinking about my own this weekend and one of my key criteria is cheap, so that people don't feel pressured and everyone can hopefully come.
It is a lot of money, even without your own wedding.
CommentAuthorrachymoo
Oh that's a tough one :-( oh firstly slightly off topic - I live in Coventry too! Whereabouts are you? Looks like your wedding is around same time as mine too!
Tbh I'd feel awful expecting people to pay that much for my hen do and if that's what I really wanted to do then I'd expect a few to drop out/not be able to make it. I think if you can manage it and can scrape the money together then go, but if it's going to cause you problems and financial worry for your own wedding then don't go. Just be honest with her and explain you really don't have the money, maybe you could arrange something else to do with her a few weeks later that's a bit cheaper? Hope you get it sorted x
CommentAuthorAna40
Have you tried splitting the train journey. It works out so much cheaper sometimes. If you search for the journey of Coventry to Edinburgh see what stations you can go through. Then search for coventry to that station and that station to Edinburgh. I know it sounds stupid but I've done it and it can make a big difference in price. X
CommentAuthorCrawf
I could split the journey into Coventry to Newcastle and stay at my aunts, then do Newcastle Edinburgh in the morning woth eveine ekse...Otherwise it is 7 hours on the Saturday morning!! Ouch! I have some thinking to do tonight!
I have had a talk with bestie (who has dropped out) and what we might do is meet our friend in Newcastle and take her out for a nice meal and cocktails instead. We both are up in Newcastle anyway in the summer visiting families so that would be good. Hopefully she likes the idea too.
December - I am having to think really hard about my own now to make sure I'm not putting people in the position where they miss out because of money, it is so tough when people are all over the country though, someone will always have to pay more to be there - the perils of forging friendships at uni!
Rachymoo, I'm next to stoke aldermoor and binley- where are you? I'm getting married next August but in Newcastle (where we used to live) xxx
CommentAuthorsarah
I like the idea of a meetup in Newcastle, it sounds like a good compromise tbh x
CommentAuthorMrsGothBride
id suck it up and go. had you said no from the start then that wouldn't have been too bad but the distance and you gettin married are things that haven't changed when you agreed to go and I think that is what Will upset her.
my friends have forked out a similar amount for 4 nights in Amsterdam, not one of them has dropped out and its all paid for and we go on Wednesday, those that couldn't or didn't want to go told me at the start rather than let me down after its arranged.
When we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours
we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying
weirdness and call it love, true love.
5th September 2013
CommentAuthorDecember
Crawf, I know exactly what you mean. I'm only inviting 12 closest friends to mine, but they span Devon, Kent, Leeds and Aberdeen!! I'm in Hampshire. It is a real nightmare.
CommentAuthorCrawf
It's ridiculous December!! And it seems as if going abroad actually makes it cheaper! I found 3 nights in albufera (Portugal) for 89 each!! That's flights and accommodation. Yes, drinks/food everything is on too but still! Lol
Ah wow!! I used to live in coundon, always wanted to move to keresley! We ended up buying on the new estate next to binley instead. :) Cov meet up?! Hehe
Oh, goth bride - sorry, didn't notice your comment! That's a really good point. And OH just said its a one off thing, and meant to be a massive memorable thing for the bride. Bah. Thanks for ur advice xxx
CommentAuthorDecember
I saw that deal too! But I think thats not the actual price you end up paying. You know what these sites do, they advertise that price but when you put your dates in it suddenly spirals up. My BMs are looking at abroad and home I think. But then that brings up issues of cost for people getting to airports. Hen parties!! Such a hassle :)
CommentAuthorMrsGothBride
Thats ok! Hope you manage to do something that keeps all involved happy.
When we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours
we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying
weirdness and call it love, true love.
5th September 2013
CommentAuthorKellyB81
Could you maybe drive to Newcastle then go from there with the hen? may make the cost cheaper :) xx
Kelly x
CommentAuthorInDreamland
If you really both can't afford it then if you explain I'm sure if she is reasonable she'll understand, maybe offer to take her out for a second hen do to make it up to her, just somewhere half way so that you can afford it? xxx
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorbrilly
is there no way of getting a cheap train ticket to newcastle or another train station then switching to a different train?? I know the cheapest my h2b can get his for is £15 from Newcastle to Aberdeen when he goes to work but this is when travel is not peak times, just a thought hun x
31st August 2013 I became Mrs Carrick
Cant wait to do it all over again in 2018
CommentAuthorTori
The trainline do cheaper tickets but only release three months in advance. Have a look on there no for tickets in July to give you a good idea of what the cost is likely to be x
CommentAuthorrachymoo
Sorry I didn't see these comments before! Crawf I'm in Cheylesmore so not far from you at all, my mum lives in Binley :-)
Lala mod bunni I didn't realise you were Coventry too! Where did you get married? Cov meet up defo :-)
