Wedding Forum - Non-traditional Table Plan? SIL2B...

I had a fabulous day with SIL2B yesterday when we went for lunch and to pick up her daughter's FG dress.

Over lunch we were chatting generally about the day and eating arrangements for her 3 year old as they're getting a childminder (old nanny) for their 7 month old after 4pm so they can enjoy the afternoon and evening.

We got onto the subject of seating arrangements as I mentioned that the 3 year old (FG) has a seat with us at the top table and so the plan was she ate with us during the wedding breakfast. She looked surprised when I said top table and I then said that she and her hubby will also be at the top table with us.

She said that she was not expecting that at all and appeared really really surprised, not in a bad way .......................but I was wondering, have I committed some major faux pas?

I know the English traditional top table is Bride, Groom, parents, best man and MOH. The Chinese traditional top table is round with Bride, Groom, parents, brothers and sisters with their husbands/wives if applicable. I explained this to SIL2B and she seemed fine with it although surprised.

Do you think I'm doing the right thing?

Thing is ..................her husband is from a different class .................of the upper class ............educated at Eton, wears tails to all weddings etc. etc. ...............couples are seated apart at formal dinners!

We're having a very traditional English white wedding in a church (although my church - RC, rather than CofE or Methodist) with the traditional sit down wedding breakfast but there are small elements that recognise the fact I and my family are Chinese i.e the colour scheme, wedding favours, canapés and wanted the seating plan (top table) to be too.

Is my choice of top table plan going to be frowned upon?


xxx

Yeh definitely just seat them the way u want :-)

Cool, thank ladies.

Don't get me wrong. H2B is totally cool with the top table arrangements I'd planned and his sister whilst surprised and didn't expect to be at the top table seemed happy with it (I mean it's more of an honour for her right?) ................it's just I wondered if her hubby being of the upper class type might have something to say about it. We're also not splitting couples up (apart from SIL2B and her hubby as they need one either side of their daughter to look after her between them).

It does mean that the best man won't be seated with us but will be amongst his mates (which TBH I think he'd prefer) and my best mate will be with her OH and another mate who doesn't really know anyone else.

I also thought this means that a few tables will have someone from the main bridal party seated with them (a bridesmaid, best man and two ushers) so will make the guests feel like they have someone "important" sat with them.

xxx

I say stick with your cultural traditions, I think it's an honour to sit at the top table and that may be why sh's a bit surprise as it isn't very often when it's shared with that many people.

I think it's lovely :-) some traditions needs to be left where they came from I think.. Top table should be your choice, not dictated by etiquette :-) xxx

Thanks Georgi and Hails. I am more confident about it now, oh well, he'll have to put up with it, I have to conform when I go to theirs for lunch and dinner and admittedly I have upset him before by insisting H2B sat next to me ...............at a BBQ!!!!!

Nice to hear others not having the traditional top table.

My sister didn't have the traditional top table either, did similar to me apart from BIL's two brothers, their partners and the nieces were on the table next to us simply because there wasn't enough room.

Similar to us, my family are Chinese (from Malaysia) x

InDreamland wow small world :)

Thanks ladies.

Sita_meena - where are you family from? I have family from Ipoh, Penang, PJ and Sabah, then also from Singapore.

Oh yes! Totally! You cannot bet Penang for food! Mmmmmmmmm!

I have an aunt still in Taiping.

I love Malaysia, the food is just the best!

Agreed!!!! We have the best food :)

Thanks ladies.

Sita - I really miss the food! Every time I go to Malaysia the first thing I want to eat is char kway teow and lobak.

What about Popiah? Mmmmmmm! Satay! Oh yes!

do what you want to do hun ......you say that your sil hubby is upper class bc he wears tails to weddings , he will only do this if it is the dress code and as for couple being split up at formal occasions .. couple are sat on the same table but would not be sat next to partner but again this is only if the function warrants it !

as i normally say

YOUR DAY YOUR WAY !!!!!

At the end of the day, just ask her. You wont know until you ask.

you do what you want and don't worry about how other people think or feel. It's your day.
I do love your idea on the seating plan though and it's great you can bring in elements of your culture into your wedding too.

xx

Yes yes popiah and satay yum!!!!!! I made Onde Onde for CNY and they were yummy!!!

Thanks lala xx

Sita meena I miss the food!

Oh I agree with all the posts above hun. We are having a very non traditional seating as well. We have our kids at our top table and an auntie. Don't stress too much about what everyone else thinks, it's your big day! x

Thanks ladies!

Good luck with finding the perfect solution Fiona xx

Thanks Katherine.

I agree it's important that the bride and groom should be happy with the seating arrangements. I haven't had any backlash yet from either side's family, I think SIL2B is happily surprised, it was just I was wondering whether her hubby might be funny about it as it's so not traditional English or "proper" x

You're right hun, thanks.
xx