We are getting married next may having wedding in one place and reception week after where we live. My mum n dad are paying for the reception which is nice don't get me wrong but since they have offered they have started making demands on things, because they are paying! They have already put deposits down on things we not 100% about and have been in talks with people about what we should have etc. Everytime I say its not quite what we want etc we are getting put down with oh no you don't want that etc. Im now getting it in neck from groom as he doesn't agree with things mum n dad are saying so im stuck in middle. And its upsetting and stressing me out. Its turning into something I don't want. Unfortunately we do need the money to help us out.
Any tips on getting them to back off a bit so we can actually plan what we want?! Thanks
Is a very lucky girl :)
CommentAuthorsussie
i know where your coming from, i had the same. in the end i just said thats its my wedding, and whilst i am grateful for the money, if you dont allow me the day WE want, then we will not get married until we can afford it. they backed right off then.
CommentAuthorMrsColetobe
Hiya, welcome to the site and congratulations! :)
I know what you mean... we had this problem when we got our mortgage because my dad paid for some of our deposit and then started syaing we should get a flat somewhere nicer etc.
In the end, we gave the money back to him because we thought, this is our lives, we want to do it this way - my dads not going to be living there so why should he have a say?! and also, if my dad got his way in that, he would think he would have a say in everything else in our lives.
unless you can give the money back and pay for it yourselves (bloody difficult i know, especially if youve used it already), or perhaps just put your foot down a bit - after all, it is you and your OH's day - why should it affect your parents? theyre not the ones getting married are they?
x
CommentAuthorhis duck
I think my problem is im too polite/easy going.
I've stood up for myself in past and been told im over sensitive etc or being horrible.
Its starting to get me v down wedding should be exciting and fun but when mums pulling faces at things I want nhubby wants its soul destroying :'(
Is a very lucky girl :)
CommentAuthorAmyP7
You are going to have to talk to them, my mother has tried doing this a few times. She's not put any money in tho, we are paying for the wedding ourselves. I just have to talk to her and make compromises. X x
Awww i know it's hard, but the best thing to do is have a talk with her, tell her how it's making you both feel, explain that it's your day and you want to be able to have your wedding the way YOU want it, rather than how she wants it xxx
CommentAuthorhis duck
i have tried.
we found a venue that has a nice outside balcony where you can smoke as my h2b smokes, and even more when nervous so at least then he wont be out of sight and we can still be 'together' but already my mum n dad have told us as they are paying they want smokers out of way (my dad smokes so dont see problem) the only other place in venue is quite a way and would segregate us. i explained this to my mum n dad but they got realy funny with me.
its not just the stuff they are paying for either comments are being imposed on us. i said i would like to come down isle to etta james at last but my mum pulled a face and said it made me look desperate if i was to have that.
ive waited a long time to be this happy and been through alot just want our day to be magical and surely mum n dad would to but its turning out to be horrible.
sorry to whinge but im at whits end with this :(
Is a very lucky girl :)
CommentAuthorLinzi-jo
I know how you feel hun but I am sorry to say that you will never please everyone! I've had similar problems with both mine and h2b's parents (they are both contributing) but we have had to say to them that we appreciate what they are giving us but it is our day and if they don't like our decisions then they can have the money back and we will postpone the wedding. It was hard to do as obviously we dont really want to put it off, but it made them both realise how much what they were doing/ saying was affecting us, and now they have both backed off. I hate confrontations and upseting people but I went through it for a good 6 months and it got to the point where I was becoming ill because of it all, and one night had a complete breakdown! After that h2b said he wasn't putting up with it any longer and so we spoke to them about it. Unfortunately nothing will change if you dont stick up for yourself. I know it is hard, but it is whats best in the long run believe me xxx
Got together 14.02.2008
Got engaged 31.12.2010
Will become a Mrs on 30.08.2014 xxxxxx
CommentAuthorMrsMoran
Awwww i don't blame you hun, it is a tough situation to be in. xx Would write a list hun, write a list of the things you want in your wedding and give her the list and state that that is what you'll be having for your wedding, if she doesn't like it, tell her that you're grateful that she's paying but it's not her wedding to just decide things, she doesn't get to decide what will make you and your partner happy and say that nothing will be planned unless it's what you're happy with and what's on the list. You could say to her that what comments she makes are only her opinions at the end of the day and as long as it's what you want, she should be happy that those things will make you happy xxx just say firmly 'no', if she sees you back down, she'll still feel like she has the power and control, but if you firmly say 'no, that's not what we're having', she won't have the control over you to make you feel like you have to accept these things she's forcing on you xxxx
CommentAuthorhis duck
thanks for the support :) makes me feel loads better and knowing people had same too xxx
Is a very lucky girl :)
CommentAuthorMrsMoran
You're welcome hun and hope you manage to sort it out, let us know how you get on!! xxx awwwww bless you!! I know to some degree everyone has problems with their family budging their ideas in, it's harder in your situation because of her paying and stuff but definitely just stand your ground and refuse to let her take over xxx
