Wedding Forum - Marrying God or Marrying H2B?...

Hi girls,

I want to hear some opinions from you. This is a long one sorry. Quite early after we got engaged we heard a string quartet and it was beautiful. We decided we'd love to have them play at our Church ceremony if we could afford it. It sounds a little random but I really wanted to walk down the Aisle to 'Mr Brightside' by the killers. We both love the song, and its the song all our friends love too, it reminds us all of fab times, and their string version was so beautiful I wanted to cry ( actually I did when I thought about it, and the smiles on everyones faces when they realise the song). I thought it would be great for the quartet to play classical music whilst waiting, Mr Brightside when i come down the aisle and then a couple of hymns and some modern music when we sign the register.

Now, we are getting married in our local cathedral. I wasn't too comfortable with that to begin but it is h2b's local church as he goes to Mass on Sundays, and now I occasionally go with him too. We have also asked his friend who is a Priest to marry us, as they have been friends for a while and have been on Pilgrimages together. I'm really happy with this, it makes it a little nicer knowing it is someone who actually knows us that is marrying us.

Here's the problem: we emailed the Priest to ask if he was OK with us booking the quartet. He was fine but didn't think the song for me to walk down the aisle was appropriate. He said something along the lines of it not being in keeping with the religious aspects of a marriage.

I almost understand this, but I'm really concerned that when we start the marriage preparation, that there's going to be an awful lot of persuasion and emphasis on religion. This worries me because I'm not VERY religious. I believe in a higher being, and that Him and us all have a purpose. I pray now and then and I believe in being a good person. I like many aspects of religion, but I don't like feeling pressured about religion. I love that h2b has morals and values and values his religion, but doesn't push it on me. I think he really likes it more when I choose to go to Mass of my own accord, not when he asks me to go.

I know this sounds a bit wrong when we are getting married in a Church, but it wasn't my 1st option, but I knew it was important for h2b. I figured, because where we got married was important to him that he could choose, rather than me choosing just for the 'perfect setting'.

For me, our wedding is about us declaring our love for one another. I want to make it public and permanent and I want it to be a celebration of our love for one another, and the start of the rest of our lives together. I like doing this under the eye of God but I dont want to marry TO God, if that makes sense.

I'm really worried now, and I'm worried if I say anything the Priest might decide he wont marry us because my Faith isn't strong enough, which I know will upset Liam, and I don't want to say anything to Liam. As well as that, there's the pettiness in me that says that now we can't have that song by the quartet, I don't want to pay the £400 for them, and that because I don't like singing (or church organs) I don't want any hymns now either.

I know I'm going to have to discuss it with h2b but I'm just worried

all priests understand that people have varies levels of faith ... have a look at other pieces of music they could play .. you may find something else you like ... and you could always have that song as you entrance to you reception music

I don't see the problem with the song if it's being done by a string quartet and there's no singing? Odd.

Tough situation, I know you wouldn't want to upset H2B and that you agreed with the church wedding because it was something important to him and not so much to you. But I think it should be the other way around, if it makes you uncomfortable you shouldn't have to have a church wedding, cause the bit your interested in (actually marrying h2b) will get lost in all the religious aspects and I don't think that's fair on you really.

I agree with Linzi-jo, I think you'd be better off having a civil ceremony so you can have the ceremony focused solely on you two and your marriage, and then have a blessing at the church for H2B.

Hmm, that's a tough one. Belief is a very personal thing.
There is a thread on the marriage preparation courses, I'll see if I can bump it for you, it might set your mind at rest.
From what I've heard from friends, it is more practical than majorly religious.

Personally, I don't think the priest would say you didn't have enough 'faith' to marry in church. You believe in God, I'm sure it says somewhere that that's the most important thing...and if not, it blooming' well should!

The question I think is, do you feel hypocritical marrying in a catholic church? And that's something only you can answer hun. If yes, then you really do need to have a serious chat with your husband about getting married in church.

Xx

I'm also not really seeing the problem with having an orchestral version of a song played, regardless of the lyrics in the original version. I mean, you could compose a song yourself with really "inappropriate" lyrics, and the priest wouldn't be any the wiser! Not having any idea about these things, I don't know how carefully you have to tread, but I'd definitely probe a little further into his reasoning, if it's an important song to you and your relationship and you love the tune, for me that'd be the most important thing, the idea that wanting to walk down the aisle to an instrumental version of a song with "Inappropriate lyrics" would make the priest think your faith wasn't strong enough is madness to me. (but I'm not religious at all, so again don't really understand how that works!) But his church, his rules I suppose. If he wont budge can you fit it in anywhere else in the day?

Can complelt sympathise with this. H2b and I are the other way around. I dont go to church every sunday as one my church is in Somerset and i live in Birmingham and i work most weekends but my faith is still very important to me but h2b thinks there something up there guiding us but not sure what it is if you get me. So when we set the date the only 2 things i said i wanted and didnt mind what else was decided. the date and the church. He's does come to church with me now and again on important days such as my granddads anniversary and birthday, as when we go to Somerset i dont drive so he will come with us to drive but secretly i think he wants to come sometimes. In fact last time he actually came up with me for Holy Communion. And yet he's not even christened. The vicar at the church we're marrying at knows this and she said that its fine as long as one of us is christened. She said she goes on love not on christianity.
Talk to your priest andh2b and sewe what they say. Its how u both feel x

Provided one of you has strong faith it wouldn't be a problem. If you can't have the song at the church could you not have it at your reception?