Wedding Forum - Harsh or right?...

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Wedding Stationery > Invites: Harsh or right?

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- CommentAuthorLaura JaneW
I will be sending our invites out as of next month. We have 80 day guests now. At our engagement party a few people let us down. Some didnt turn up even though they said that day they'd be there,some came up with excuses an HOUR before and said they couldnt come so im now extra worried about this happening with our wedding! Especially when we have really had to be extra harsh at cutting people out of the whole day to make room for family etc that to be honest we could really do without! Im sending the invites out with an RSVP for end of Jan. (Wedding is 2nd March). However what i am doing is also putting a note in to say that if they dont RSVP by that date then their space will be passed on to someone else!
Does this seem harsh? And if not,how can I word it so it doesnt seem nasty?
I just dont want to be let down!
- CommentAuthorgeorgie
No i agree with you and especially as it will be you that will have the cost.
Could you put something like rsvp date ...... any later will not be excepted.
xx
- CommentAuthormillz090
I agree too, dont think your being harsh but why pay for someone who doesnt turn up !! xx

Finally marrying the love of my life !!
10th August 2013 - 9 years to the day we met !
- CommentAuthorBethS11
you're not being harsh at all. at the end of the day you need to know definite numbers for food, favours, venue etc. a couple of people never replied to my invites at all, and if they turn up on the day then i will not be letting them in! x
- CommentAuthorMrsWright290912
I agree - I lost my rag with ppl who didnt reply and sent a message saying if you have replied by so and so date, then you're not coming - I soon got loads of replies!

I really did marry my Mr Wright and we had a nice day for a
Wright wedding!
Mexico for our first anniversary <3

- CommentAuthorpemily
Its so awkward - I personally wouldnt do that as people have all sorts going on in thier lives which might make them miss the deadline by a few days... and they may really want to be there and show up on the day. Also some people will assume they dont need to post RSVP as they are family (this annoyed my OH : ))

It seems the main issue here is people saying yes then flaking at last minute- would it be possible to speak to people in question and emphasise that if they do that for your wedding you will be seriously out of pocket and it will be a huge headache for you? If they are friends they should understand.

We had a deadline 3 weeks before our official deadline - so we could chase up people (have only had to chase up 10 people out of 80) at that point you could call / leave a voicemail saying "if I dont hear back sadly im going to have to assume you cant make it, as we need to pay for catering etc"
- CommentAuthorbarbie86
I don't think you're being harsh, but, will you actually follow through? I will be p*ssed if people don't RSVP within the date, but I don't think I'd just re-allocate their space straight away, I would call first, tell them I need an answer within 24 hours, and THEN if I still hadn't heard I'd call again with my apologies saying their space had now been filled. If you do put this in, and do get a situation where you give people's day place to someone else, I would let them know so they know not to turn up; could get messy and awkward otherwise.

Also, FWIW I think an engagement party is very different to a wedding (unless of course you've arranged catering/free drinks/etc and need numbers, and said so on the invite); I a stickler for etiquette, but I just don't see an engagement party, esp if it's informal, the same way I do a wedding, and honestly, I wouldn't stress myself out about sending my apologies last-minute if I couldn't make it; whereas I think I would have to be seriously ill to ever consider cancelling a wedding last minute.
- CommentAuthorsusan1990
i didnt put anything like that in mine but i had quite a few that didnt reply by the date i put in so i got hold of everyone after the date asking them if they were comming or not and if i dont hear anything back from them by a week later i will assume they arnt comming and most got back to me within the week then x
- CommentAuthorAmyP7
I think it's right, it's not hard to reply x x
- CommentAuthorx~Hails~x
My venue want numbers 6 weeks before the wedding so my RSVP DATE WILL BE 8-9 WEEKS BEFORE SO I can chase up none replys and reallocate if I need to!

I personally wouldnt put anything in them other then the rsvp as life does throw curve ball's at us at the least expected moment and none reply's cant always be helped!
Plus some people may get offended by it

UKBride moderator both on here and on facebook

For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart
It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.
- CommentAuthorJodyx
I think this is a great idea, what you are doing, think I might need to steal the idea too xx

Cant Wait to Marry My Soul Mate on 6th July 2013
- CommentAuthorSamanthaG76
This isn't harsh at all. I think most people will appreciate that there's no point you paying for their place and not being able to invite others if they aren't going to be there x

12th April 2014 - The day I marry my soulmate..x
Smile, be happy :-)
- CommentAuthorShazk
I dont think you are being harsh but I do think that maybe you should give the RSVP date a little bfore and then like been suggested call around those who havent RSVP beofre totally giving palces away as there are lots of reasons people may not of RSVP including it just not being delivered to u when it has been sent!?!?

Away with the flutterbys xxx
- CommentAuthorLoz K
It's not harsh at all, you're giving people at least 2 months to reply - that's plenty of notice!
- CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
I gave lots of time for people to reply, with about 10 weeks before the date as well. Some never replied so had to chase them up.

How I'd love to be able to put though, if you say you will attend and do not attend the wedding, you need to forfeit the money paid for you to attend, as it annoys me when people say yes and then don't bother turning up.

Our wedding day - 6 October 2012
- CommentAuthorkimi1987
i dont think its harsh, ill be pretty much doing the same as i hardly see my family so have a feeling they wont be coming. im putting that if they dont rsvp by said date they will not be put on guest list so therefore will be denied entry to the wedding. our venue only allows people whos names are on our guestlist in. and the guestlist will be getting typed the day after rsvp date

caught the catch of my lifetime
25.05.2013. best day of my life
- CommentAuthorgeorgie
I rsvp'd to a wedding invite saying i couldn't make the day as i would be 39 weeks pregnant but would like to go to the evening do for a couple of hours - b2b seemed happy with this.
I didn't make the evening party as my contractions started early that morning. I didnt think to txt/ring her - i was a bit busy! So 2 days later i got an arsey message saying just because you had a baby why couldnt you ring!
I get why she was annoyed but i was due to pop and had declined the day as i didnt want to cost her money if i didnt make it.
x
- CommentAuthorkimi1987
georgie that is a bit harsh that she said that to you, as you had a very good reason for not going.

caught the catch of my lifetime
25.05.2013. best day of my life
- CommentAuthorgeorgie
thats what i thought, i think it was because a few people let her down so i can undersatnd her being annoyed but she was the last person on my mind lol x
- CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
It's not like you did not have a valid reason!

Our wedding day - 6 October 2012
- CommentAuthorShazk
Georgie I would of been FUMING had i been you, you did the right thing and declined the day, yes you could of rung but surely contacting the hospital, ur family blah blah blah was priority lol x

Away with the flutterbys xxx
- CommentAuthorSam
georgie - that's just wrong & very selfish of her.
- CommentAuthorLegoWife
I do think it's a bit harsh but then I fully expect to have to chase people up, but not everyone wants to have to do that.

~Wedding made of Lego~
*Married 30/03/13*
- CommentAuthorPrincess2be
I dont really think its harsh,just say you need to know by definate for then because of the caterers or something.
x
- CommentAuthorSam
Lego I agree with you. The RSVP already means that if they don't respond to the invite that they won't be included. I however fully expect to chase up as well.
- CommentAuthorShirleygirly
My wedding is 29th June and I've set the RSVP for 1st May so that I can invite those on the evening and reserve list if I have spaces. On 1st May I will be contacting those that haven't replied by phone/text/facebook and giving them a gentle nudge something along the lines of please let us know what you are doing as there are other people we'd like to invite but have been limited to spaces. I don't think there is anything wrong with this practice, I wish we could invite all the people we want but sadly we're not made of money. There are about 10 people that I have to invite because they are family blah blah blah and can only hope they can't attend so that we can get more friends in.

I don't think you are being unreasonable but perhaps chase the RSVP's on the due date before assuming people don't want to come. In the past I have thought I'd RSVP'd to my cousins wedding but they didn't get it and luckily he phoned me to check or I would have been an annoying extra on the day.

I can't wait until 29/06/2013
The day I marry the man of my dreams!
- CommentAuthorDonda
I don't think it's harsh at all, its sensible, your covering yourself so if they don't reply you can replace them, every penny counts xx

Met on 7th April 2008
Got engaged on 14th November 2011
Getting married on 12th December 2012
Looking forward to the rest of my life with the man I love
- CommentAuthorRaggedyAnne
We carefully selected people who we wanted there, we had a miro-small wedding, so who we chose was not an easy descision, I had to leave people out who I would have liked to be there, and so did H2B.......we didnt HAVE to, but that was what we wanted to do, a small wedding and spend more on the honeymoon.....so it was a careful selection........and my ONE friend and her hubby called on the morning to say they cant make it. I was furious, and also gutted that I ALMOST chose another friend in the beginning, but decided on this one......and she didnt come, and it cost us £120 for them NOT to come. And the friend I didnt pick was upset not to bhe invited, and the thing is I KNOW she would have come......the friend I invited has let me down on various occasions.....

So yeah, give them a date and stick to it. Dont throw money away......

I can resist anything but temptation
- CommentAuthorMrsEminson2B
i understand where you are coming from weddings cost a lot of money and you do not want to be paying for someone that isnt going to turn up when there are other people that could be spending your day with you xx

Met Matt at 10 years old
Marrying him at 27 years old
I can't wait to be Mrs Eminson on the 8th June 2013
- CommentAuthorLaura JaneW
Thank you for your replys! I think giving the RSVP date and then chasing up if people haven't replied and I they don't reply after that then it will be a message to say their space has now been filled. I think it's common sense with family. Mum and dads,grans etc will be coming for sure and if there is family outwith them, they will be treated as any other guest!

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