My mil is not invited to the wedding for a multitude of reasons which can be summarised with the toxic waste symbol. Unfortunately she is planning on gate crashing the wedding and making a scene. Fortunately, she is stupid enough to tell us that she is planning on gate crashing and making a scene. Neither of us want her there and we don't want her hysterics ruining a day which is the beginning of the rest of our lives (without her)
Does anyone have any ideas how we can keep her away from the registry office? I'm fairly sure that the reception venue will have security and we are in a private area so that shouldn't be an issue but the registry office concerns me because as far as I am aware she can loiter there like a bad smell and not break any laws. This means that she can legally make our day all about her. The phrase "over my dead body" springs to mind, but actually stopping her is something that we need help with.
Any ideas?
CommentAuthorShazk
Oh what a nightmare to have to worry about hope she is all talk and no action (but not by sound of it)
I would check with ur venue regard to security as not all venues have it and jut because its a private venue it doesnt always stop people milling around etc (use to work in hotel that did venues and we didnt have security and sometimes people stopping did mingle in (not to mean to worry you more) but do check.
With regards to registry office i think you are right you cant stop it, you can make them aware that of the situation and advise them some council places etc do have security and so maybe they will make sure there is some???
Hope it doesnt happen xxx
Away with the flutterbys xxx
CommentAuthorVanessaS42
Try contacting your venue and asking them what would they do should this happen, as you already said there isnt much that you can do about her hanging around on the street, if you let them know and maybe perhaps give them a picture of her they might be able to keep her out on the street as oppose to her trying to be oh so original and come screaming in whilst you are asked for any reasons you should not be married. I know I was running a wedding where they thought the ex was going to turn up and expressed their concerns to me before the big day, I got a photo an had staff on the doors to ensure that if and when he turned up we could get rid without anyone noticing, he did turn up and went when threatened with the police as he was trespassing onto the hotels grounds. Just let them know and see what approach they suggest you should take.
I'm so sorry to hear that you have to put up with something like this. Some people are as cruel as they are pathetic! Xxxx
CommentAuthor
oh what a pain in the bum! if I was you I'd get something sorted yourself as staff at these places can only do so much. can you afford to hire a bouncer? or do you know a big bloke that looks threatening that could be your security for the day? I'll come do it for you lol! Its really sad that shes planning on doing it but you never know she might just back off when it actually comes to it? xxx
met the man of my dreams 22/09/2006,
Had our amazing twin boys 16/05/2008
Finally becoming Mrs Davies on 31/08/2012 will make me the
happiest lady alive :-)
CommentAuthorCarlaMac (Lee2B)
Yes I agree talk to your venue and see if they can ensure that only invited guests can come in maybe write a guest list out and the venue ask as the guests enter. Also maybe you should try explaining to her that it is the most important day of your life and give her your reasons. sounds like a nightmare. If the venue cant help and the communicating leads to no breakthrough then maybe you should think about hiring a bouncer. hope your able to sort it out. x
I have no idea how these things work, but could you get a restraining order? I know that our local registry office have security officers, so I think that you should have a word with your registrar and see if they are able to stop her coming in anyway though. Good luck x
Vegas baby!
Moderator
CommentAuthorObsidian_Winter
I've just emailed the reception venue and I'm going to call the registry office soon anyway so I'll bring it up over the phone. This woman is a nightmare. She knows neither of us want her there but she has decided that we are "just being stubborn" and "need to stop being childish" so she is going to be more stubborn and show up anyway.
H2B is considering a restraining order for harassment, but it's going to be difficult because she not physically abusive. Ok, so she has three separate and conflicting rape stories and will lie about anything, fake tears and throw a tantrum to get her own way but it's all he-said-she-said. Think "I'll hold my breath until I pass out" and you're not too far off what she is like.
The thing is, when she told h2b her plan to gatecrash, she also told him she is sick as justification; as if that makes up for years of psychological abuse and standing by while her drunk husband battered h2b as a child. H2b took that to mean that she is dying - and that made him happy. That is how much of a b**** she is. That's how much we want her to just f-off.
Do I think that makes us bad people? No, absolutely not.
I'm considering emailing her and telling her to stay the hell away. I'm not sure if that will make things worse, but letting rip will certainly make me feel better.
CommentAuthorMrsSteenie
Aw that's awful.... I can't believe she would try to ruin your day!!! Unfortunately the reg office is not legally allowed to prevent someone from attending a wedding as people have to have the chance to voice any legal obstacles to the marriage (the whole "speak now or forever hold your peace" bit!) but I'm not sure if that would cover this situation.... if she is harassing you and/or H2B via phone/text/email/online or any other electronic communication method you do have the option of contacting the police as it is illegal to send threatening or harassing telecommunications. They could go to see her and give her a warning, which may make her see that you are serious about wanting her to stay away.... Wish I could be more help :(
We dit it!!!!!! 06/10/12
CommentAuthormym72
I really sympathise with you Obsidian_Winter. My 'mil' (loose description because I tend to refer to her as husband's egg donor lol) is just as bad. We don't speak to her anymore because she is a nasty, vindictive, alcoholic b!tch!!!
She had the cheek a few months before the wedding to actually tell me she wished I'd die in a car crash so that her son could meet someone better and 'not online' - and considering we didn't even meet online just proves how little she knows about her son. She also accused me of being a bad mother because my son has Aspergers Syndrome!! Mmm think she got me mixed up with her lol.
After all this she still insisted that she would attend our wedding. We were like you and racked our brains to come up with an answer. We were going to let her hear it from her youngest son (my bil) that we'd 'changed the date' - and give her the week earlier/later so that when she did turn up it wouldn't be at our wedding lol.
In the end, and for different reasons, we finished up going to Gretna Green with close family to get married. She knew this but bil told her that all the hotels were fully booked given that it was a village and August (peak season). She got the message and I'm glad to say we haven't had any contact with her now for about a year.
CommentAuthorObsidian_Winter
As a form of therapy, I drafted an email. Andrew won't let me send it because he says that it will just play into her hands by portraying me as the bad guy, but I need to know that it is out there so I'm going to post it here. Basically, this is several years of repressed rage and contempt so feel free not to read it.
Lynne,
I have previously refrained from saying most of this to you at Andrews request, but after today he has given his approval for me to tell you what we both think and feel as it seems that you are either too stupid to understand or too selfish to listen when he tells you himself. We have both made it clear on multiple occasions that we don't want any part in your world but you keep harassing us anyway.
Is there a part of "stay the hell away" that confuses you? I am not your friend and Andrew has disowned you. You are not welcome in our lives. Ever. If you think that we will tolerate your toxic presence at our wedding then you are even more deluded that I originally gave you credit for. We don't care how much you kick and scream and threaten to hold your breath until you turn blue: if you try to contaminate the first day of the rest of our lives (lives which don't include you in any way, not even in your dreams) then we will have you arrested for trespassing. If you continue to call, text, email or even consider turning up at our home, then we will get a restraining order.
I am tired of having to clear up the mess you create whenever you decide to disregard Andrews wishes. Are you so selfish that you don't care how miserable you make him, or do you just think he is incapable of making his own decisions and, therefore, that you don't have to respect it? Every time you decide that we're "just being stubborn" or brush of both of our feelings as "childish" you just confirm the worst about your vindictive refusal to consider others and their right not to have to deal with the destructive soap-opera drama that you insist on living.
I know that your argument is "but he's my son". Big fucking deal. As if that justifies your behaviour. You have screwed up. He gave you 20 years of chances and when you had the chance to do the right thing, when that repulsive drunk you dote on demanded that you choose between them, you chose the man that battered your son while you stood by.
It is too late.
You will never be a part of our lives. Neither of us would tolerate the level of deceit and selfishness that you routinely display from anyone else, so we will not tolerate it from you. Arguing "but family" only condemns you more. Family don't treat each other the way that you do. Orchestrating things to get the rest of Andrews family to try and guilt him into talking to you is pathetic and only demonstrates the level that you will stoop to in order to get your own way. If you want to show how much you supposedly love Andrew then respect his wishes and fuck off. Every time you refuse to listen to him it just shows how much you don't love or respect him.
Delete our phone numbers, remove any record of our email and postal address (an address which you shouldn't have anyway because we have not given you permission to have it) we never want to hear from you again, directly or indirectly. Stop getting relatives to do your dirty work by persuading them to pass on messages.
Take your lies, manipulations and hysterics and go to the hell that your own faith condemns you to because of the level shitty that you rank at as a human being.
CommentAuthorSam
Let it out sister. Write as many letters as you need to, she isn't worth anymore of your time.
CommentAuthorShelleyM46
she sound a b**** like my so called mother n sending this would just provoke her .im dreading it when mine finds out bout r date i just know she will go out of her way 2 ruin r day.hope u can sort it out x
cant wait to marry the love of my life
my soul mate and my best friend
CommentAuthornatalie2614
Seriously the police cant do anything about this, restraining order or anything? Id be going to seek advice from them, she could throw a real spanner in the works at the service if she shows up. Big hugs though, and that email should definitly be sent! xx
Married my best friend 05.04.2013
CommentAuthorLegoWife
Maybe tell her the wedding is a month after it actually is?
~Wedding made of Lego~
*Married 30/03/13*
CommentAuthor
my hubby says he'll be your bouncer for the day for £100 if you want security :-) just keep smiling hun and dont let her ruin ur day xxx
met the man of my dreams 22/09/2006,
Had our amazing twin boys 16/05/2008
Finally becoming Mrs Davies on 31/08/2012 will make me the
happiest lady alive :-)
CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
i would call the police ... mentioning that you fear for your safety .... thy may be able to "visit" her
I agree with lala, you won't know how much help they can offer until you call. Additionally, if she escalates your call will serve as evidence that this has been going on for awhile.
CommentAuthorObsidian_Winter
edited
I spoke with the registry office today. Said that they don't offer security themselves but if a couple of trusted friends wait by the front door until the last minute to stop her then that is fine and they have noted our concerns. I'm going stop by the police station on my day off to see what they say. Unfortunately, her mum (Andrews gran) is fully in support of her gate crashing and currently threatening not to attend if we prevent his mum from showing up. Andrew is furious with them both. Unfortunately his gran is giving his mum all the info on the wedding, so giving her the wrong date/time is out.
Thanks for your support, everyone. We'll keep you updated.
