We're getting Married where we live, which is about an hours drive from H2B's family and several hours from mine. So pretty much everyone will have to travel and likely be staying over night.
Right now our evening guests are separate family groups to the day guests.
But I'm wondering, if people we've currently invited to the day- say a few grown up cousins and their partners we don't see often- we wanted to demote to evening guests even though they'd probably be travelling down with their parents. Is this acceptable or is it a really unfair inconvenience?
I mean people will have to travel and stay over night possibly just for the evening, when other people in their family will be travelling down for the ceremony. Do they just stay in their hotels until the evening? Or what if they decide not to book hotels? What do they do for the whole day while their parents are at the ceremony/breakfast? It just seems like a massive pain that may cause arguments?
Anyone else have this problem? What're you doing?
Not sure it's worth the hassle trying to do when there's a chance they won't come anyway?
~Wedding made of Lego~
*Married 30/03/13*
CommentAuthorLinzi-jo
Yes I have this problem too! My h2b's mum and dad's guest list I asked them to write was over 200 people! Mine was 40! lol There is no way that we could afford all or even half of these at the wedding breakfast (and apparently these were the bare minimum that need to be there!) So we will be inviting those we are closest to during the day and the others in the evening. However, we are marrying in a church so they can still come to the ceremony if they want to, just not to the wedding breakfast. The way I see it is that if they don't care enough to come to the evening and celebrate your wedding with you then they don't deserve a day invite anyway as it means all they are going for is the free food and drink! And those staying for the whole day can go out and have dinner somewhere etc. before coming to the evening do. We aren't all made of money and weddings are expensive enough as it is! xxx
Got together 14.02.2008
Got engaged 31.12.2010
Will become a Mrs on 30.08.2014 xxxxxx
CommentAuthorPrincess2be
We have done the same and asked aunts to the day and cousins to night time. Just explain that it is a limited numbers wedding, if they have a problem with that then theres not much else you can do. It's up to them what they do in the time between ceremony and night time, it can't b up to you to arrange soemthing for them. I find it so hard to please everyone.
CommentAuthormrsV2013
i've made a rule immediate family or people travelling over 300 miles only for day everyone else night. otherwise i'd be having over 150 day guests :/
hicory vicary dock i will be mrs rachel vicary :)
CommentAuthorShazk
Its a hard one and Im in the same boat. I live 3 hours away from where i grew up and where all my family live (apart from my dad and step mum) and i was saying the same thing to my MIL2B there are some people who i feel abliged to invite but dont see why i should but then i feel bad that if i only invite them to the evening its a long way and a lot of money (outfit, petrol, accommodation) for them to folk out I just dont know what to do, we are limited with people for the ceremony but have still got space but I want it close and intimate not with people who I know are going to pass not to nice comments and pick at everything plus ill be lucky if they speak to me!
Right now we only have about 60 guests, venue -can- hold 80 I think. If we didn't have to invite people we weren't as close to we'd probably have about 40. Which personally I would prefer but H2B and his mum are so concerned with offending people I'm not sure I'd win out with wanting them demoted. When we first put the guest list together we had 40 and then h2bs mum added loads of people on. I felt if H2B didn't think to put them on the list they shouldn't be there but she was adamant. But since the uncles daughter from another woman hasn't been invited and part of the family kicked up a fuss about it she's been saying we should invite who we want and I don't know if that means if we can get away with demoting people or not.
ARGH families lol
Mrs Brammer to be- you're spot on there, it's the same for us. We've got people down as day guests who will probably not speak to me and with that being the case I'd rather they weren't there! Had a few people at our engagement do who are down as day guests didn't even greet us!
~Wedding made of Lego~
*Married 30/03/13*
CommentAuthorLaura JaneW
I have invited most of my aunts and cousins to during the day and only two of the cousins to the night time becos they don't really bother with me but it's already causing problems! We only have 75 day guests and no space left so I have no clue what to do! I do think tho what what you are saying is right! It's your day!
CommentAuthorShazk
LegoBride thats the way i feel why should i pay for them to spend our special day with us, feed them, give them drink (possibly) for them just to pick and not even enjoy themselves.
Families indeed I understand inviting some people that you really dont want but have to (my dads dad for example really cant stand him but know my dad wil be so upset if dont but do i then invite my dads half sister as well who i cant stand even more!!!)
Away with the flutterbys xxx
CommentAuthornatalie2614
I have friends in London and Portsmouth (I live in Liverpool) and Ive said that they get a daytime invite if theyre coming to the wedding (even though we dont have a sit down meal booked - its fish n chips!) our numbers are dictated by the ceremony room and how many it can hold (50 seated). I have aunties and uncles who will get an evening invite purely because I dont see them often enough to invite them to the day.
Families are the ones who make the invite process a nightmare!
Married my best friend 05.04.2013
CommentAuthorShazk
couldnt agree more natalie2614 it is indeed hense why i dont want the stress of a table plan lol
Away with the flutterbys xxx
CommentAuthornatalie2614
Table plan gave me nightmares before I had even done my guest list because our families are so split up and full of divorces!
Married my best friend 05.04.2013
CommentAuthorLauraJo87
It is a mare. There are a few people, mostly h2bs parents friends who we would be more than happy to have at the evening do, but just can't accommodate for the day do who live quite far away. We are debating not inviting them at all....as it feels a bit harsh if they feel obliged to come and have to fork out for overnight accommodation, travel etc and are o ly invited to the evening do.
However, if some members of the family are coming to the day do. Its probably just as easy for other members to come to the evening do as they could travel up together? Xx
My Beating Heart Belongs To You
30 August 2013
The First Day Of My Happily Ever After
CommentAuthorPrincess2be
I know what you mean girls, table plans is thee hardest part!
CommentAuthornatalie2614
It is a bit harsh if they're only invited to the night and they have to travel a distance. Have you tried to explain it to them? The dilemma you're in? Xx
Married my best friend 05.04.2013
CommentAuthorLulu1388
If you mean that much to them they will happily find something to do during the day and wait for the evening, if they kick up a fuss then tell them where to go cause obviously theyre more interested in food and drink than your special day! I know its a bit harsh to invite someone a few hours away just to the evening bit however i have been in that situation many times and we've appreciated the fact we've been invited at all! I know more than ever now how hard it is to accomodate everyone you want! Our day is 55 max and at the moment just my side is 58! so there's going to be crunching numbers for the day! Night however our max is something like 2-250 and we got 150 at most so thats ok! We are inviting aunts and that to day and cousins/kids to night... There are people you want there for all of it and those you want to invite to the night...anybody going to any wedding should understand everywhere has number limitations and also personal preferences to who you want there on the day! Focus on who you and your h2b want there on the day to share in your special moment and forget what anybody else's opinion is... your paying for them so they should be eternally grateful and honoured you have invited them to any of it! xx
Every Once In a While In The Middle of an Ordinary Life
. . . Love Gives Us a Fairytale. . .
CommentAuthorLegoWife
It's tough cause I don't want people having something against us forever onwards because we didn't invite them. But then I suppose what does it matter if they never speak to us anyway!
~Wedding made of Lego~
*Married 30/03/13*
CommentAuthorJanineB51
If you are not that close to these people they may not turnup anyway. Speaking from experience you can bendover backwards for people and they just dont appreciate it. We had letdowns the day before and even on the day so I would leave it up to them and dont worry to much. If they want to come they'll come but they might even say their coming and change their mind last minute. I saw a wedding at your venue yesterday and thought of you it wont be long till its your turn xx(xboxwidow)
CommentAuthorLegoWife
Thanks Janine :D It's certainly getting there!
I would prefer not to invite them but I also don't mind if we have to because, like you say they might not show up anyway.
~Wedding made of Lego~
*Married 30/03/13*
CommentAuthorbexyk
if you have already invitied them you cant demote them now thats unfair and deserves fall outs but if you havent sent invites out yet then by all means do!! because my partner has got such a big family we are only inviting his aunts and uncles to the day and all his cousins are coming to the evening!!
Got together 2007
Engaged 2009
Marrying 2012
Excited muchly!!
CommentAuthorShazk
Weddings they can cause so many issues with familes cant they. Try ti please everyone but at the end of the day it is u & H2B day and I'm just going to do what we want and at the end of the day like others ahve said if they dont come then they cant care about us that much!
