Wedding Forum - Am I being a meanie?...

Sorry this might go on a bit.

Ok, my Cousin Jenny is my best friend and so there would be no other choice for my Chief BM as she means the world to me. She's been with her boyfriend Jamie for nearly a year and when they first got together I was over the moon, he was good looking, funny, treated her like a princess and got on with everyone in our family. A couple of months into their relationship cracks started to show and they seemed to argue loads and the root of all their problems seemed to be his jealousy of her giving attention to anyone other than him. At first I let it slide because we all have arguments and there is no such thing as the perfect couple. Then her and him joined the rest of my family on holiday and when I asked my mum if they had a nice time after it she basically told me that there was some drama with him getting jealous every night, even when she gave my sister (her cousin) attention. At one point they had the whole villa up with their screaming match and he tried to get his passport to go home.

At this point we all told her that he needed counselling to deal with his issues and if he didn't sort it she needs to think about walking away. He was booked into a Dr and didn't turn up. A few months on and a few break ups/make ups later we get to her brothers wedding. They were tense during the day, he made a snide comment to me about keeping up appearances for the family and then at one point he stormed out and made a snappy comment to my nanny who is 80.

We are a very tolerant family and he did have a troubled up bringing so we put that behind us and gave him another chance by going to his 30th birthday party. She was running around all night stressed while he was spending all HER money on getting him and his mates drunk. He later made a comment about what I was wearing and how I shouldn't have my cleavage out when my h2b is away and how he wouldn't let her dress like that. I love my cousin very much and it took a lot to walk away from that but I did for her.

Last weekend I went to stay with them, I was going to watch her in a play (which he somehow got a part in) and it was going to be a lovely weekend. Up until the point where we'd all had a few at the wrap party and he flew into a jealous rage because she was holding hands with one of the other cast members (a young girl) because she was nervous before the curtain call. He ruined everyone's night, humiliated Jenny and then didn't go home that night and as far as I know the next night. She broke up with him but as I was leaving to go home she was on about him getting counselling and that this is his definite last chance (I won't hold my breath)

Now I'm getting to the point, after his performance this weekend I've told her that I don't want him at my wedding because I can't risk something like that happening and ruining our day. I've said I will not let him get between us and I will tolerate him in general social situations but I can't bear the thought of him upsetting anyone, especially not her. I'm not the type to stand back and watch and I don't think it would look at all classy for a bride to be knocking a bloke out on her wedding day. To be fair to Jenny she did say she completely understood and can't really blame me but I love her so much and I know he won't give a poo about not coming (because he's a little bit scared of my h2b now) so it's her I'm hurting.

Is it really mean to her or do you think she might have better more relaxing time without him there?

Thanks in advace ladies and sorry you've had to read so much to get to the point. xx

I think you have definitely done the right thing! I bet she just doesn't know how to get out or not want to be alone. If I was in that kind of relationship i would be happier if he wasnt invited as it must embarass her alot when he goes off on one!

Thanks girls, I think you are right LynP, she was single for a long time before she met him and I think she's scared of getting back on the dating scene again. I think she was a bit relieved when I said it because she says she does worry in social situations. She's hung up on the fact that when he is nice he is very nice. My biggest fear is that she gets pregnant and he is jealous of the attention she shows the baby as I know that can sometime trigger more serious problems.

Thanks for your input, it's so nice to have agreement from neutral parties.

Well she has understood what you have said and hopefully by the time your wedding comes round he will be out of the picture anyway. It does sound like he has alot of power over her because of her giving him so many chances so I would just be careful if he does indeed go to counselling as if they stay together he may make it difficult for her to come to your wedding by herself. Just be there to support her as you have been and fingers crossed he does everyone a favour and naffs off!!!!

What a sad story - for all of you incl him.

I think you are handling this very well and with a lot of consideration and you all do sound very tolerant indeed.
Good luck in getting rid of him - for your cousins sake and ofc your wedding and family happiness!