Since we have been engaged i feel our wedding has tore us apart as opposed to bringin us closer together. Accordingly its all i talk about and hes fed up...i cant help it i was excited to become his wife. also fell out abt the guest list as his cousin cheated with his ex and i wanted his cousin to be invited to let by guns be by guns but he has refused...now i feel as though he is still hurt over what his cousin done with her and that he still cares about her. not sure where to turn or what do it we are only engaged 2 months and iv had enough already!
CommentAuthorSammi_with_camera
Oh dear, i think wedding planning can be a bit overwhelming. there is so much to organise and think about. I think it might be best to let your H2B to decide if he wants to invite his cousin. Maybe try and cut back on the wedding talk a little bit and when you bring it talk about something he may find more interesting to get involved in, perhaps the music side of things. You can ask him to pick the first dance song to get him involved a bit more.
I wouldn't worry about about him having feelings for ex i think i would feel hurt if a cousin of mine cheated with an ex and not sure i would want them at my wedding, without having any feelings for the ex. Hope that makes sense.
CommentAuthorBLONDIE
yeah thank you so much :)
CommentAuthorSnowflake
:( poor you, i think we get all excited amd want to talk about it but some men are not interested in all the planning. A friend of mine is also getting married so we all went to a wedding fair. After 5 mins her partner had a total strop, threw all his toys out the pram and demanded they go home cuz he's had enough of weddings and doesnt want to hear about it again! I felt really sorry for my friend :( My OH wasnt so interested at first but now its getting closer he is, even helped me make the save the dates :D xxx
CommentAuthorBanks
My OH isnt really interested in the wedding at the moment so I only talk to him about it when I see an offer on and want to buy something. As time goes by he might bring something up which he has thought about or would like and then we talk fully about the wedding when he is ready to. Some men dont really have the enthusiam we do from the start as they see it as being ages away. Dont worry about it, as time goes by he will eventually start to be more involved. As for the cousin issue, I think you need to leave it up to him whether his cousin comes or not, as by pushing the subject is just going to cause more tension and maybe lead he to pull away. Im sure his cousin would understand why he is not invited to the wedding considering past circumstances. : ) x
I don't think many men are interested in wedding plans or getting involved. My h2b has nothing to do with ours except to criticise all my plans and make ridiculous suggestions. I have now asked him to look at wedding gift lists and see what sort of things he wants on ours, that should keep him busy for a while. If I were you I'd do the wedding talk with a friend who is happy for you and not one bit jealous, I say that because I've noticed some of my friends are a bit sniffy about my wedding plans and I can only assume its jealousy.
As for the cousin issue, I wouldn't take it personally that he doesn't want the cousin at the wedding the fact of the matter this was a member of his family that should have shown some loyalty to him but didn't. It doesn't necessarily mean that your h2b has any feelings for the ex it probably just means that he still feels betrayed and even that he doesn't trust the cousin anywhere near you because he associates that person with losing a partner.
I can't wait until 29/06/2013
The day I marry the man of my dreams!
CommentAuthorJill
Shirley I think you're spot on. I wouldnt invite someone to my wedding if they'd had an affair with an ex of mine, not because I had feelings for the ex but because I want people around me I love and trust, and I'd be sure wouldnt be trying to make eyes at my new hubby lol
My h2b really wasnt interested at first, I took it personally at the time thinking he'd changed his mind and allsorts BUT it wasnt the case, for him it was like talking about Christmas in March, no point as it's so far away. I got some good advice (from ukb too) and that was to cut back on talking to h2b about weddingy things and save it all for ukbride... it worked a treat. Occasionally I do go into hyper-wedding mode, only the other day h2b asked me what I was going to talk about after the wedding as it's all I'd spoken about for days lol I laughed it off saying I'd be onto my next 'project' (you could see the fear in his face lol) but generally he's all good with wedding chat now x
29th September 2012
Cant wait to be Mrs D!
CommentAuthorJennaLouise
My h2b had this moan at me when we first got engaged. I just stopped talking weddings at him as much, until he brought it up with me (which he did, so I didn't have to be quiet about it for long). And now he's fine. TBF, I have done most of my planning, so maybe I don't talk about it as much as before?! You can't help being excited hon. I'm sure he'll come round xxx
CommentAuthorSnowflake
@shirley girley : you r so right about female friends being funny towards you when talking wedding, ive had the same! why cant people just be happy for one another??!
CommentAuthorKellyD
I agree with the other girls Hun, let him make his mid up about the cousin and talking less about the wedding is best haha men don't realise how quick it will come around :)
Snowflake, I think Some female friends are pathetic lol I've had three of mine stop talking to me since oct because I didn't pick them as bm's haha!
Marrying the perfect guy!
Need to Loose 3 Stone! So Far = 2 stone 5lb
CommentAuthorSnowflake
@kelly - thats ridiculous!! If they were true friends they would be happy at the choices you made! My friend said our wedding was a waste of money and their mortgage was a commitment and our wedding wasnt! It was like she was trying to convince herself of that fact. Funny how a couple of months before she'd said how she love it if her bf proposed! Turns out he has no plans too so they got pregnant instead. Its jealousy. Besides, this time next year i'll be married, have my own home and also might be hearing the pitter patter of tiny feet :D :D How many bridesmaids did u choose? And how did you make the descision? x
CommentAuthor
My OH gets irritated when I talk about the wedding because I'm suggesting ideas; she wants everything the way SHE imagined it.
Fortunately, my best man is getting married to his girlfriend a month before me and he is delighted to talk all things wedding with me :-) There's no risk of us copying one another either because they're getting married in London with 200 sit down guests whilst we will either be doing London with 40 guests or North Wales with 120. Not on the same scales at all!
CommentAuthorsuzky123
my OH wasnt interested at first. They dont realise how long it takes. However, i started dividing it up and focussing on small parts and he became more eager as it was more manageable and I asked him if he would like to be in charge of certain things and he is now on board 100%
cant wait to be Mrs Evans less than 3 weeks woooo
start weight 10st 1.5 lbs
weight now 8st 4.5 lbs
total loss to date: 24.5 lbs now need to maintain!
CommentAuthoremmaaa
Is there a reason you specifically want his cousin at the wedding anyway? I definitely would leave that decision up to him, it's far far more likely to be hurt about the betrayal of family than unresolved feeling about his ex! And where are you at in planning? Are you focusing on something in particular, is everything just happening at once, or are you at the just feeling stuff out stage? I think if it's feasible you need to reign in the wedding talk with him for a while, this forum is awesome for helping with that! And just get back to being a couple again, and enjoying being engaged, rather than rushing through it towards the wedding!
My h2b doesn't appear particularly interested in planning either, but I know that's because all he wants is us getting married and a party with our friends and family, little things like colour schemes and music choices and photographs and outfits don't matter to him, as long as at the end of it we're married! He's only recently started to appreciate how much time and effort it's going to take. And to be honest, I felt completely burnt out after 2 months of non-stop trying to sort our venue out, and because I was talking about it non-stop, h2b was getting burnt out too, all he wanted was a conversation with me that didn't involve weddings, I put both of our lives on hold indefinitely for wedding planning, and that wasn't really fair on either of us, or realistic, given how much time we had to go!
CommentAuthorClareS
I don't think men are usually too interested when 'operation wedding' begins. They usually take a back seat and get involved a few months before lol. That is where this site comes in really handy, you can talk weddings 24/7 lol. I think he just may see it as being 'it's ages away' and don't really get why some decisions have to be made this early, besides most men think it's a girls day anyway and are a bit freightened of planning something and it ending up being wrong and spoiling the day. That said my h2b was fab at looking around at venues and making appointments with them. I let him sort the cars which tuned out to be a fantastic choice. I've tried not to talk too much to him about the wedding to be honest, but we'll be sitting down soon to sort the menu. As regards the guest list, just do a provisional list in your notes somewhere so you've got a rough idea of numbers. To be honest I wouldn't mention the cousin/ex thing and leave it until the time comes to send the actual invites out, but then leave the decision up to him. xx
CommentAuthorHappilymarried Mrs G
I think it is understandable to be excited, but you need to remember why you are doing it in the first place, and if for the next 16 months your life is all about your wedding then what will be left after the day? That could be a concern he is having? I know that was an issue that was raised between h2b and I, and we have made a concious effort over the past 17 months for our life to not be all about wedidng talk. We set up a shared spread sheet to raise ideas and tick things off etc... as and when we did it, then if something needed to be discussed or suggested we would often email it to each other and then discuss later face to face if need be. We have been able to plan everything pretty hassle free this way actually as neither of us have ever had to do anything "Weddingy" when we werent in the mood to do it as we could choose when to check our wedding emails and spread sheets at a time that suited. Our time together has been as much about going to the cinema, out with the kids, friends and even just playing silly games on the wii as ever, thats why we are getting married, because we enjoy doing things together. Wedding stuff has been arranged and sorted over time gradually so that it has never been a stressful reason for issues etc...
As far as not wanting his cousin to come, i dont think that it shows he still has feelings for his ex, but more likely he still has a lack of trust and respect for his cousin and why would he want to pay out of your wedding budget for someone he doesnt really like? I dont think that is your call to make really, you know from your friends and family who you want to invite and let him make decisions from his family. Maybe what you need to do is agree a number of guests you can both have each and they you can fill that number however you see fit? Thats what has worked for us, i have a big family and wanted a lot of them to come, h2b however has hardly invited any of his family keeping it very close family.... as he wanted his bike club to be there. Thats his decision and its fine with me.
Lastly, relax, dont have fall outs etc and get so stressed out over it. This should be a happy time!
