Hi everyone. Right I need honest opinions please ladies - I promise I won't take offence if you think I've gone about this the wrong way. So when we originally booked the wedding we told both my sister and adam's brother that if they had long-term partners by the time the wedding came round then they could both have a plus one so they could invite their partners. Well I've just come home from dinner at my mums where we were talking about the wedding and accommodation etc. My sister has booked a twin room originally with the intention of offering the spare bed to our mutual friend if she doesn't have a boyfriend by the time the wedding comes round. She then went on to say that she didn't want to share with our friend (who is male) but it didn't matter because 'I'm getting a plus one anyway aren't I, so someone else can sleep there?' Well I sort of looked at her in disbelief and said, 'er, no - not unless its a boyfriend' and thought that would be it. She then turned round and said 'oh so I can't invite Joanne then?' - Joanne is one of my old school friends who I haven't seen in about 7 years but who amy still sees now and again, who she clearly had been expecting to invite to MY wedding. I told her no she couldn't and I'd never once said that she could have a plus one if it wasn't a boyfriend. I told her if I wanted Joanne there I would be inviting her myself, and I'm not. And anyway, I wouldn't invite any guy she got with now anyway as I wouldn't call 4 months a long term relationship. Am I being unreasonable? Its not like she won't know anyone, our whole family will be there as will all our mutual friends and yet she STILL expects a plus one! Please be honest ladies, I don't think I'm being unreasonable but then you guys are objective and may think differently. Thanks xxxx
CommentAuthorgdu
I think you are being perfectly reasonable.... I don't think I will be giving any plus ones as if I don't know people's partners names by the time I am sending my invitations then I don't want them there. I think bringing a friend as a plus one is a little bit cheeky anyway but that is just me!
CommentAuthorJanie
i agree! At a wedding years ago someone turned up with a plus one theyd been seeing for two weeks, who INSISTED on being in all the family photo's, three weeks later they split up, nobody even remembers his name, ruined the family photo's
NOT being unreasonable at all!
Remember : To the world you may be just one person,
BUT to one person you may just be THE WORLD x x x
CommentAuthorEcoFreak
I think you're being completely reasonable! People don't seem to understand that "plus ones" cost money... Xx
CommentAuthorbecky -mrs firth
i agree she shudnt hav a plus 1! i think its actually cheeky of her to ask x
Engaged 27th November 2010
Hen Do Newcastle 2nd June 2012
Marrying the man of my dreams 11th August 2012!
Honeymoon To Jamaica 14th October 2012
Considering she will know family and friends there I dont think a plus one is needed in her current situation and certainly not to invite someone who is not a partner. If she did meet someone between now and the wedding I would take it on the individual basis rather than a blanket ban. You could actually get on with the person she in theory met and may want to invite them but a plus one for a friend I would say no to!
CommentAuthorJillybean
awww sara! you sound like ur going throught summit similar that i went through recently!
Search the forum discussions for a similar title to yours, the girls had some good responses that you may find useful!
But in the mean time...no ur not being unreasonable! your day, only person u need to keep happy is u n h2b :-) xXx
Got together 18th December 2008
Engaged 19th November 2011
Getting married 20th June 2014
Venue is Manchester Utd Football Ground!!!
CommentAuthorladyannwyn
trust me hun i know all about having to stick ur foot down! ive had a couple of problems, as the girls on here know well!!!! if she has had a bf 4 4 months then i would consider it, just because 4 months isnt a long time but its not a fling either, but to expect a plus one is a bit unfair!!!!! i hae freinds who have said, if i hav a bf by the wedding can i bring him and i said we will see, which means just that, i will see about places and how long they have been together before i will say yes or no, at the end of the day all you know is that this is your only wedding so seize the day! no one plans to get married again so do it right the first time! xxx
CommentAuthorkatie_lou
no way - defo no +1
not unless you are rolling in money and filthy stinking rich!!
tell her if she wants a +1 that badly, and theres room, then she can pay you the cost per head for it!! tht will soon make her realise just how much weddings really cost!! good luck hun xxx
CommentAuthorMrsSaraParry!
thanks everyone, I'm relieved you all think I've done the right thing! I felt mean because she seemed really upset about it, and genuinely shocked that I had 'changed my mind' - which is balls anyway. That's the thing Katie_lou, we're not stinking rich by any means and are paying for it all ourselves, mum has bought my dress but thats it. She's giving us money towards the honeymoon but not loads. It annoys me, because Amy hasn't even bought her own dress or shoes, my mum's paid for them for her and she's older than me too, she's 26 for goodness sake! I feel better now, thanks everyone :o)
CommentAuthorFuture mrs mac
I've been getting this a lot especially from friends :( Because i'm inviting husbands/fiances and longterm partners it seems single friends expect to get a plus 1!Feel a bit pushed into inviting people ive never even met!
Your not being unreasonable at all :D xx
CommentAuthorShirleygirly
Add me to the list of people in agreement. Fair enough if she had a long term boyfriend but you don't want to pay for just anyone to eat dinner and watch you make the most important vows of your life to your h2b. My brother is currently off and on with his girlfriend and it's driving me mad. x
I can't wait until 29/06/2013
The day I marry the man of my dreams!
CommentAuthorloustew2012
no i totally agree. when i said to the parentals to sort out the family side for the wedding h2bs side asked about a plus 1 i said no because after the wedding party, our friends and then family i didnt want the hassle of plus 1 that may or may not be there at the time meaning we are paying extra.
as for asking your sis to pay the extra i think you are quite right and back you up. and she has got to realise its your day not hers.
well done for not backing down xxx
All the ways of my life id rather be with you.
Theres no way without you.
10.11.12
CommentAuthormrs m
No you are not unreasonable! I would deffo have said the same and to be honest think she is cheeky.
Well done you for standing your ground - it can be difficult sometimes but its your day and it has to be my way.
xx
Happily in love and can't wait to be married! xx
CommentAuthorbarbie86
Nope, you're being perfectly reasonable.
Our plus 1 policy is roughly this:
Long-term partners (ie more than 12 months), who we have met and know; husbands/wives (for the day guests)
Plus 1 if someone won't know anyone else there, or if everyone that they know will be with a partner (eg if one of our friends is single, and the others all in long-term relationships, we'd give that person a plus one)
At the moment, most of our day guests are couples, but some of our friends are single; they will only get plus one's if they've been with their partner for at least a year, and we know their partner (we're very tight on space).
Our evening guests are a mix eg I'm inviting some of my brother's friends, and will be inviting their girlfriends only if I know them; otherwise, they'll be there as a group of friends, so I don't think it's necessary. Similarly, I'm not inviting work colleague's partners, as they'll be there as a group, so will know plenty of people, and I have never met any of their partners.
Your sister will know loads of people; she doesn't need a plus one. I could understand a bit better if this was a really close friend, but if she sees her 'now and again', that's even weirder and ruder IMPO.
CommentAuthorPapillonEmma
I think your completely right. Its your wedding and the people who are important to you should be the ones invited. It might be a different story if she wont know anybody there, but as you share a family and potentially friends, she should know plenty of people.
CommentAuthorMrs Wilson x
I am having a similar thing with my friend too! She had a long term partner and they've split up so she seems to think that she can bring any old +1! I don't think so! Not with the cost per head as it is. Guests need to understand that it's our wedding day and we invite who we see as adding value to our day. Friends and family only, not random +1's! Good luck ladies! xx
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Pooh: You don't spell it, you feel it.
CommentAuthorOfficially Mrs M
we had a similar thing with our groomsman and our maid of honour, both were in long term relationships that ended so we told them that we wouldn't be offering them a plus one as we could use the space for other people and 12 months wasn't long enough to get to know someone new well enough (we only want people we know well at the wedding)
however the groomsman has now got a long term girlfriend so he will be getting the plus one as he asked but the maid of honour will not be getting one as 8 months isn't long enough for us to get to know him i mean we barely see her never mind anyone else plus she is on the top table so they would be sat on their own so just to stop confusion we haven't offered one.
I think that it is perfectly resonable for you not to offer a plus 1 unless its a bf as she has the rest of your family there so she isn't on her own. if she wants she can share the twin room with herself if she's going to be funny about it.
8th September 2012 I married my best friend
1st September 2014 our little family grew by one
Women are made to be loved, not understood. - Oscar Wilde
CommentAuthordolphin
nope your not being unreasonable, its yours and your h2bs wedding, and you told her ages ago that the only way a plus one would be accepted was if it was a boyfriend, so no way should she be able to bring anyone else. x
cant wait to marry the man of dreams 18/5/2013
The first time was a rehursal, this time its for life.
CommentAuthorRags
Not unreasonable...I have been a plus one at a wedding as a friend of the invited, everyone kept asking me if I was his gf- no! Also I felt really uncomfortable as the only person I knew was my friend. I do mingle quite well but it's not the same as knowing the wedding party properly.
I'm now a married woman
I have a gorgeous husband
Whats to do now
Theres no more wedding planning to do
CommentAuthorJanie
having said that, with ours we are saying if theyre together when the invitations are sent then there will be a plus one, unless they just met. Otherwise it is a no,
BUT I met my fiancee 3 months before her sisters wedding and wasnt allowed to go, and to be honest it was wuite upsetting, but i can see both sides, though what was the upsetting part was there WAS space, so it felt like it was done just in a snobbish way at the time.
But i totallt agree youre not being unreasonable, were saying any partners "aquired" between the receving of invitations and the wedding itself will have to be consider, but at the same time we are saying if anyone turns up with a plus one that wasnt invited they will be asked to leave, we only have space for 25 at the ceremony so we have to say this.
I wouldnt want someone there i hadnt met and that they hardly knew either
Remember : To the world you may be just one person,
BUT to one person you may just be THE WORLD x x x
