Wedding Forum - Can't believe it's over!...

We've just split up. Over his liking for joining dating sites.
The more I think about it the more I feel I'm making a huge mistake in letting us end. He has joined around 10 dating sites since he lost his job 5-6weeks ago and I know that part of it is boredom - but our wedding is booked for 10th April 2012.
Last night he finally opened up after weeks of me nagging him trying to find out why and he told me that it's like a fantasy - meeting girls for sex, but that it's not something that he would actively do. He said that when it came to it he would never actually make excuses or lie in order to go and meet someone.
The final straw was when I had seen that he agreed to meet someone. He said that he had no intention of it, that it was just talk.
I just don't know.
My head says to just leave him but my heart is begging to give him another chance.
He asked me at 1pm today if I needed anything in the shop - I told him I need bread and milk (i don't drive) and he left. He hasn't come back. Technically we have split up so I really have no right to be curious as to where he is - but I think he has gone fishing or to find somewhere to live. He has left his mobile phone behind. Goo.gle searches were properties to rent in omagh area, rent for one bedroom flat tyrone etc.
I'm going to be so badly stuck when he goes. I will have zero independence and I'm worried that my depression will come back.
Really what I'm asking you ladies is - how do I go about cancelling everything? Will my venue, priest, photographer etc accept a family member cancelling? Or will I have to do it myself?
Have any of you been through this and either worked it out or moved on? Are you happier now?
I have this ball in my stomach and I feel sick. I think I'm going to be a wreck for a while! My poor wee girl is going to be devastated!

So sorry to hear that hun. I agree with kylee about not cancelling in the heat of the moment and yes some family members should be able to cancel it for you. x

ohhh sweetie i`m so sorry .... its the fact that he thought it was ok to join all these sites wether or not he intended to do anything , you deffinatley need a break to get your head togther ..... do you have insurance ?

Thanks - I suppose that's a smarter idea.

I feel like I can't tell any of my friends and family just in case we ever sort things out. If any of my family knew what was going on they would hate him. And as much as I can't stand him right now, I can't stand everyone hating him. He is such a good person apart from this.

And I don't like to talk to family or friends about my relationship because I'm quite an emotional person but hate people seeing me cry. I feel weak :(

I'd be so embarrassed cancelling all the plans - I wouldn't know what to say.

dont be embarassed if and when it comes to cancelling plans. Unfortunately, this is quite common and suppliers are used to it and generally supportive. It is hard but like other brides, you will get through it and hopefully find the man of your dreams as a result.... if it comes to cancelling of course. Hope you can both work through it but I defo wouldnt tolerate that behaviour and neither should you.

Aww hun - i am sorry to hear about this, but personally i dont blame you!

Suzky123 you have said everything i thought about to a tee - xx
just hold your horses on cancelling things just yet...there are ways and means round this if you are both willing to talk very openely about the situation xx

Hahaha I actually like that. However, thinking about it, theres internet etc on mobile phones. I think you need to have a serious chat about why he would think this is okie, why he would join more than one site if he wasnt going to meet up and how does he expect you to trust him that he wouldnt meet these girls? See if you are happy with his responses and keep an eye on things if you decide to forgive and try to move on. Just make sure you monitor it just in case.

I think you hit the nail on the head there... he promised EVERY week for FIVE TO SIX weeks he would stop and DIDNT and has actually joined SEVERAL sites (a pretty serious hobby). I think that unfortunately you have your answer and perhaps the puppy was a way of distracting you and getting you off his back. Sometimes its easier to talk to strangers as they will tell you as they see it, even if its not always what we want to hear, and you can get differing prespectives. Just because I wouldnt carry on doesnt mean someone else wouldnt try so continue to talk to us and consider everyones viewpoints but at the end of the day, the decision lies with you.

Play him at his own game and let him see why its unacceptable.

of course he bought you a puppy .... hes feeling guilty ........
he promised you it would stop and yet he carried on ..

there are loads of places he can internet access
i realise he lost his job but boredom can be cured by looking for another or doing volunteer work ..... it is no excuse i have been on my own for the last 18mths more or less because mr lala is working away ..... i`m bored and VERY lonely yet i havent done this

i think tbh you need to postpone the wedding at the very least

Hope you manage to sort things out hun.x

so sorry hun!! i dont think insurance wud cover u for u cancelling its for the venue etc cancelling

did he say anything after he came back?

so sorry to hear whats happened hun, hope you work things out xxx

Really sorry you're going through this hun, but the girls have said aloth he told you he would stop every week and hasn't he doesn't respect you.

Me & my OH split up in 2007 for a while, during that time he met a girl off the internet (someone we both used to talk to and met once because she was meeting up with a guy from hull and she was from our town) she seemed really nice but obviously had ulterior motives. NO I DONT BLAME HER COMPLETELY
anyway, we split up he met up with her daily for a few hours, his parents said he wasn't right, his mates said he wasn't right. We finally got back together her told me he'd met someone, but had now ended it and would completely understand if I didn't want to take him back but he thought I ought to know so I had the full picture before making my own decision.
As much as people hated him for putting me through what he did, he showed he thought of me when wanting to make a fresh go of it...
Needless to say 6months after we got back together we got engaged and he told me a bit after we had gotten engaged this girl was a bit of a fling (but they only kissed) to see if it was me he wanted to be with.

You may think I'm daft but I believe him wholeheartedly, he's never given me cause to doubt him so I believe him and we have moved on from this incident. No I won't ever completely forget but .... I respect his honesty and choosing to come back to me (without no begging on either part)

You either get back together and move on but set some barriers or you let go completely, you can explain to your little girl when she's older the real reason why her "daddy" left as long as she has you in her life you'r little girl will be fine, as for him, he needs to grow up and losing his job is a pathetic excuse for dating sites, he's found a "prime" time to visit these sites when your not around..
Only you can make the choice Emma-Lou but "the strangers" will support you and not judge you on your decision, as we don't know the whole of your life we just learn what we want people to learn :) We're here to support any time day or night xx

Whilst I can understand your feelings of wanting to forgive him and give him a second chance, in my honest opinion I know I couldn't. My Hubby was unemployed for 9 months before we got engaged and he wouldn't have dreamt of going on any of these sites. Probably mostly because that's how we met and we're both fully aware of how easy it is for things to progress to a level that wouldn't be acceptable if you're already in a relationship.
Being out of work and bored is no excuse for his behaviour.
Having said all this, it HAS to be your decision though babe. I hope you can reach a decision without too much pain. And as for your little one, all I can say is that we bounce back and it's much easier to adjust to change when your younger than older.
I wish you all the best and remember that we are all here for you x

Mrs m to be it seems our stories are pretty similar, my H2b wouldnt spk to me with what was in his mind, it is tough to forgive those glitches, but we wouldn't be where we are today without them xx

Now it's not superb but when you know what his dad's like he's very much like his dad, but he does talk to me now and I respect when he says he wants space (which doesnt happen much now, since he has a much less stressful job)
I don't dwell on the past but I can't forget about it, but it happened and we got engaged after, he is so thoughtful and always puts me first.
He's a man he was 22/23 and men and feelings don't mix well. He doesn't show much affection but he never has and that's what makes him him.

I honestly could cry for you :( that's awful! But as Mrs M2B has said, he probably has hit a low point and needs some reassurance... in this case, he's getting this from strangers on a dating site! Everyone, at some time or another, needs to know that they are still attractive, and we can often do stupid things in order to achieve this!

I understand that K knows how you feel, but does he truly know how much his behaviour is hurting you?

When I found out my ex husband was cheating on me, I found comfort in talking to strangers as I felt they wouldn't judge me! No one in my family knew that he'd been cheating on me for at least two months after we split, because I didn't want anyone to know how stupid I'd been. Also, family and friends tend to take sides, and try to tell you how you're feeling... We're always here when you need to let it out :)

I can give you advice and tell you what I would do, but in the end the decision is yours. First of all I feel sorry for you having to go through this, but on the other hand its better to find out now than having to go through a divorce, ive been through a divorce(although for something different) and although me and my ex still get on, its really heartbreaking on the children. If this was me I would not stand for it and I would leave straight away especially as he has said he has stopped it and didn't.I would leave (or get him to leave) so you can have a few days to think what you want, then have a talk. (or do it the other way round). But if he is already looking for somewhere to live and didnt come back, maybe that should give you reason to wonder if he wants to be with you. He could of at least come back with your shopping for the childrens sake if not yours. Dont cancel things just yet incase you do get things sorted, but if it comes to you having to cancel things dont do it on your own. That advice may not be any good to you, But we are all here for you whenever you need us. x

hun a was in that realationship as well for 8yr's caught him on those site's and he swore he wasn't yet he was chattin me up not thinkin it was me lol caught himn out big time he was even talkin to a lass about gettin married to her and was harrassing her after a spoke to her and she told him that he can go shove it that he's spoke for and has been for 8yr's he then told her via the site and email that he is single and as soon as she believe him YOU WILL BE MINE, that freaked me at the tone of that email to her so a booted him out my life once n for all and 2yr's later a've found the best bloke ever :)

im sure he could of found something else to do with his time and still using the internet if he wanted. My h2b took voluntary redendancy and was out of work for 5 weeks, (2 off them he decided to do nothing and just relax) but then he had been at the company for 16 years and took hardly any time off. Anyway he didnt dpend his time signing up to internet chatrooms, yes he went on bookface and stuff, and we had only just set a date for the wedding so he sat and looked through loads of wedding stuff, he spent time with his kids he did the housework, shopping and loads of stuff, Then he went to the agency and found himself a job, okay its only agency but its better than being at home and feeling sorry for his-self and going on internet chat sites., x

You deserve so much better and you are only young. Not sure about cancelling the contract phone because we tried to cancel a contract and we was told we had to pay for the remaining months - which is pointless! If you break up then get the money off him first for his phone. I feel really bad for you but i hate to see men doing this sort of stuff and i do believe its still cheating even though its on the internet, it still hurts.

Your daughter is only young too so she might not understand as much as you think. If you are not sure about him then it is probably not going to work and if you give him another chance do you think he will do it again?

I know if it was me i wouldn't take them back as i too have a daughter and don't want her to think its okay for boys to these things when she is older. Whatever you choose to do is your decision though and i wish you all the best xx

I phoned up and cancelled my ex's phone, i explained the situation and was quite emotional about it, and they didnt charge me the remaining months, but maybe i just got a nice lady

u can get the phone put into his name i did this wiv my ex, they send u a form out for him to sign x