You may remember the thread about my oh's sisters partner and how he tried to fleece my brother, as a result he wasn't invited to my wedding. Well. Mil has rang this evening to give me my ultimatum. I either invite him, or NONE of my oh's family will attend. I'm not backing down because sil has thrown her toys out of the pram. 45 of the 60 guests are my family anyway because oh's is tiny but am I right in thinking this is just ridiculous?
I absolutely refuse to invite this man and even moreso refuse to be bullied nd blackmailed into doing so. I have been part of that family for seven years, and the moron, 10 months or so, I have done so much for them, I even talked my fil out of suicide and cared for him for 2 years when i was 17 and he had a stroke and couldn't be alone, Just so mil could go to work. I gave them my life savings when they were going to lose their home, and sacrificed me ever having a house of my own to make sure they had a roof, and they repay me by defending a thief who has robbed his own grandfather.
I want to marry my fiancé but I have this awful feeling inside me, I don't want anything more to do with his family and neither does he. Our wedding is going to look like a joke with none of the grooms family there and it's going to be my fault.
eru, shiteiru ka? shinigami wa ringo shika tabenai?
^_^
CommentAuthor~feebee~
Aww what's up with the woman. I agree, you shouldn't have him there. What a nice way to be repaid for your care. Your wedding won't be a joke, it's not your fault! x x
Finally Mrs Grove :)
CommentAuthorJilly17
I cant see how it is your fault as long as h2b agrees which it sounds like he does. You didnt try to fleece family members and if mil2b favours her daughters theiving partner over her own son then they are simply not worth it! I feel so sorry for your h2b but your wedding certainly wont be a joke without them there, it sounds like it will be a happier, more comfortable occasion. If the family really do go ahead with the threat well it is their loss but I think it is a bad attempt at emotional blackmail....ignore them and stay strong with your h2b!!!
CommentAuthorMrs T Hurley!
I would speak 2 your oh and see what he wants 2 do. There will hardly b anyone from my side of the family, but thats how I want it...stress free!
Met 18/09/03
Engaged 06/09/08
Getting married 05/09/17
CommentAuthortrikstaniksta
hi hun what a way to repay you after all that you have done for them, and like the others say it will not be a joke its their loss if they dont go and miss such a special occasion!
Thanks for your replies ladies, I'm just stuck at the moment. Oh says sil has always been given her own way because she makes such a drama and it irritates me that all mil is interested in doing is pleasing sil because she is hurting my oh in the process. I'm stubborn so the more they push for this the more I will dig my heels in. I am so overwhelmed that my oh is completely on my side and willing to walk away from them all to defend my brother, he is amazing.
I resent this guy for so many reasons, one being when I lived at pil house at 18 they were charging me £100 per week board, plus I had to pay for my own tv and Internet and food, and put a percentage to the electricity and council tax on top of that. I worked 14 hour days in a horrible kitchen and was constantly tired and ill and aching. He is 32, receives rent from tenants and pays pil not a bean, drinks all his money and cries poverty.
eru, shiteiru ka? shinigami wa ringo shika tabenai?
^_^
CommentAuthortrikstaniksta
no way what a sh it! at least you have full support from H2B, thats great, its for one day and they are willing to miss out on their sons wedding over that, ridiculous!
CommentAuthorMrs T Hurley!
your oh is sticking up 4 u cos thats his duty as your future husband. I guess thats 1 of the many reasons why you're marrying him! It sounds like you both want 2 cut ties from them so u have nothing stopping u. I know your worried about how he feels when hardly anyone from his side is there, but he won't need 2 feel like that cos he has u and your his family.
don't b held 2 ransom about who should b there. Its your day and you only get to have it once. x
Met 18/09/03
Engaged 06/09/08
Getting married 05/09/17
CommentAuthormarie08
some people have it easy and sounds like your oh family do.they sound like they just take all the time with o consideration to others.i feel sorry for you hun...dont worry about your wedding day as its people that matter most and want the best for you both that you want there.it will not be a joke.you have helped in the past so dont feel bad.its a message in itself that your h2b is with you 100%.you are his future and he seems that hes fed up with how his family are being... they prob will come round to how your feeling..maybe.x
CommentAuthorMrsC2B
Hes only been on the scene 10mths and whos to say he'll still be there in another 8mths just before you marry (by any luck he'll ba back under the stone he crawl out of!!!). Hopefully in this time his family will see sense that what they are doing is bang out of order!! Chin up... there wont be many of my OH family at our wedding (5 of them actaully) the rest are my family and joint friends. Try not let them ruin your wedding.. sounds like you have a wonderful H2B :-) xxx
CommentAuthorSweetchilli
Don't be bullied into something that makes you unhappy. I fell out with my family years ago over something really silly. I will have my parents and 2 boys and my friends on my side and the rest will be my h2b's side hence the small wedding of just 32 which suits us.
CommentAuthorRayanne
Big hugs to you.
Sounds like you gave nothing but kindness to his family and are being repayed in a horrible way :( Stick to your guns, and maybe say to his mum exactly what you've put here...s she knows unequivically how much she has hurt you. If she's anything like my mum then she's probably completely oblivious to how her actions affect other people (and im not saying thats an excuse, just that it makes them harder to reason with) xx
The most amazing man I could have ever hoped to meet!
I can't wait to become Mrs Kelsall
CommentAuthorKirstyLeonard2B
I don't know how you put up with it. In your shoes I would right a letter or an e-mail stating everything you have told us. I did this with my OH mum as she accused me of using her son for money even though he worked for an agency and didn't always have work. I explained exactly how much we both earned over a 3 month period and finally got through to her that I actually over that 3 months had earned over 3 times what he had. Maybe this would work in your situation write down everything you have done for the family and exactly what your BIL has done.
CommentAuthorx Disney Princess x
Sounds to me like there not worth being there if they are going to treat you like that after all you have done for them. Tell MIL to shove her ultimatum and not to bother coming to the wedding and its their loss! I feel sorry for your OH having a family like that. I can't believe she would give up seeing her own son get married just to protect her SIL feelings! silly woman!
Get married without them... atleast you would have stuck to your word and not let them walk all over you x
CommentAuthorSilvermist
no way, dont be bullied into having to invite him to your wedding why should you have someone there on your big day that has totally fleeced you over! Big hugs xx
CommentAuthorMrsCaitiClarke
You're doing completely the right thing. Once MIL realised that OH isn't going to back down and give in to SIL and her ridiculous demands (can't imagine what on earth she wants with a man like that anyway) you might find that she capitulates and changeds her colours!!! What a nightmare for you though honey. Your OH sounds fab and of course he's sticking up for you - this whole situation is disgusting!!!!! Sending you a hug xx
I can't wait to marry the love of my life - 28/04/2012
OCD Bride - it's all in the details!
CommentAuthordolphin
your not being ridiculous hun, i cant believe she would stick up for someone else rather than her own son and after what youve done for the family to. I wouldnt want her there either if shes going to act like a silly little kid just to please someone else. your h2b sounds amazing especially it he too wants to cut ties, if she wants to miss her sons wedding let her its her loss, if you both agree you dont want her there then dont have her there, its a special day for both of you and at least you will be starting your married life happy and showing that you can both talk to each other and make decisions together. doint give in to her or she will think she can walk over you all the time. x
cant wait to marry the man of dreams 18/5/2013
The first time was a rehursal, this time its for life.
CommentAuthorBridezilla
If you are still hoping that the rest of the family will come I think writing a letter is probably the best way of moving forward. You have explained very clearly and logically in this thread what your issues are, so this seems like a good option to get your point of view across.
Trying to emotionally blackmail you is an attempt to make you feel responsible for other people's decision to not come. You are not responsible for this. I would turn this around and basically put the ball in their court. Something like "It is our decision who we invite, and don't invite. If people we have invited decide not to come for whatever reason, that is their own choice, which we are not responsible for."
CommentAuthormadison_uk
id stick your ground and just say sorry they feel like that but if they not coming and the rest of the family can they let you know cos it will take some of the cost of the wedding and doing you a favour, if your h2b has had enough too then why would you want them there if there just going to ruin your wedding day with a bad atmosphere good luck x
CommentAuthorEmmyR1984
you're doing the right thing in sticking to your guns, it's out of order what they're asking you to do. it's yours and h2b's day and you guys should be relaxed and having as much fun as possible, not worrying about some low life. don't be bullied into letting him come xx
Looking forward to marrying my soulmate on 20/07/2013
Not sure what to do for a honeymoon yet
CommentAuthorbecky -mrs firth
babe ure weddin wont be ruined or seem a joke if they are not there hun1 dont worry the 2 important people will be there u and h2b, instead of top table u can do lovers table or just hav u2 and ushers n bridesmaids on x
Engaged 27th November 2010
Hen Do Newcastle 2nd June 2012
Marrying the man of my dreams 11th August 2012!
Honeymoon To Jamaica 14th October 2012
CommentAuthorTsukijin
Thanks so much for your support ladies <3
Another text from her this morning " bet you've changed your mind now, shall I send you the address? It would be polite to include an apology for your spiteful behaviour"
This woman is absolutely priceless..... I wish my mum was here she would drag her down a peg or two
So I text her back, "I am marrying your son whether you come or not, and perhaps before judging my behaviour you should step back and analyse your own, looking in from the outside one would assume you are ill. Unless you accept that this toad is not going to receive an invite and apologise for how poorly you have treated your son, it is safe to say they neither he nor your grandson will be contacting you until you do. If your family will not step up to the mark and behave like one, then don't worry, because mine will."
Thanks to you ladies I am still going to enjoy my wedding, and will fill their places with all my oh's friends that we hadn't been able to invite due to the limit on numbers.
As soon as they open their eyes and realize this slimy little disease is also seeing his ex they will all come crawling back but as it's a crime to say a bad word about him, they can be the idiots until they cotton on :)
eru, shiteiru ka? shinigami wa ringo shika tabenai?
^_^
CommentAuthorbecky -mrs firth
aww flippin eek!!! crikey she defo on his side, i wud text back sayin so u think it was ok to do wat he did to my brother etc
Engaged 27th November 2010
Hen Do Newcastle 2nd June 2012
Marrying the man of my dreams 11th August 2012!
Honeymoon To Jamaica 14th October 2012
CommentAuthorBridezilla
Oh my goodness - what a horrible text message from your MIL2B. Shocking. Really, I don't know what else to say, and that does not happen very often.
CommentAuthorRoxy
Boooooooo, she's such a witch!
Go you, your text was awesome, her's was appaling!
make sure you don't back down (although I am getting the impression your a very strong lady and pigs may fly before you back down!) but I thought I'd say it to re-confirm it!
All hail to the strong ladies, don't mess with us!
CommentAuthorA.Bird2b
Good for you, stick it to her. She is being a real cow and everyone here can see that. Enjoy your day without them and when they're ready to apologize you can be the bigger person and take it gracefully.
CommentAuthorTsukijin
edited
I asked her that at the beginning of the entire situation. Toad denied it, while grinning, she believed him and accused my brother of being deluded by drugs and me of lying and trying to split toad and sil up. As if I'd want their poor baby to suffer. My brother despises drugs and has never touched any, he doesn't even drink unless it's Christmas. My brother has done nothing wrong and I am so close to him that anything against him hurts me too. I know oh's nana isn't making the decision not to attend herself, she is being bullied into it by mil, but she is frail and has a bad heart so I can't go there and play tug of war.
But even if I could turn the clock back I still wouldn't bloody invite toadman.
It's a real shame because I thought sil and me used to be friends but she told my oh last night that she has never liked me and thought i was a freak and a bit of a "rude girl" as she calls it. I listen to rammstein And play world of Warcraft.....I'm SO gangster...
eru, shiteiru ka? shinigami wa ringo shika tabenai?
^_^
CommentAuthorjo Santa
Oh my goodness. Turn up the volume and set an Ork on her, lol. Sounds like you're better off living life without that family's input!!
Jo Santa
CommentAuthorRockabilly chick
Wow, that is totally unbelievable. You are better off without them in your life if they are going to treat you like that. What an awful woman to take the side of a thieving nasty piece of work over someone who cared for her husband! I am fuming for you. I'll come and kick her and his thieving a55 if you want? They are all in the wrong. Is your h2b supporting you on this? It must be hard for him but I am impressed you have stuck to your word. I wouldnt want the scumbag there either, after all this is your wedding day! There shouldnt be a single guest there that you do not want there - especially someone who did what he did! Are your Other halfs family totally blind to it? What about the report on the car from the other garage? Couldnt you take that to them and show them to reiterate what a **!?**# he is?
Let us know how you get on, sending happy thoughts
xxxxxxxxxxx
CommentAuthormrs m
Well done you! thought your text was brilliant, dont back down because they think they have one over on you. As long as its gonna cause problems with you and h2b then tell em to either come alone to support your h2b or dont. Either way you will have a fabulous day and it will be their loss that they were not there to share it.
Good luck xx
Happily in love and can't wait to be married! xx
CommentAuthorTsukijin
Rockabilly she has seen all the evidence, she thinks we are friends with the people at the garage ( more of our druggy friends you see) and I am doing this to get rid of toad. As if I would waste all my time and energy when I can just sit here and wait for his cheating to come to light lol. The bottom line is sil is a spoilt brat and is spitting the dummy because we don't want her idiot partner there and can't understand why I don't want a thief in my midst. I don't know what vitriol mil has spread around the family but she's acting the victim saying that I have forced her children apart and she is torn in the middle. As if she cares for her son.
This is the same woman who said my plans were tacky when I said she couldn't be motb. The same woman who gloated in the fact that she wouldn't have to share my son with another grandmother.
And my partner is AMAZING. He is defending me and my brother at the expense of being exiled from his own family and to me that makes him the most wonderful person in the world so I intend to shower him with love and gifts. I've been speaking to my brother who said that my oh needn't worry about his family cutting him out because he will always be a brother to him. That brought tears t my eyes :')
eru, shiteiru ka? shinigami wa ringo shika tabenai?
^_^
CommentAuthorTsukijin
Oh don't get me wrong my brothers and cousins would be more than happy to remove toady from the situation for a while but then that's every bit of ammunition my mil needs to say that we are thugs and I don't think any of my family should rise to the bait and get in trouble for such a scummy little rat
eru, shiteiru ka? shinigami wa ringo shika tabenai?
^_^
CommentAuthorlinzmum
oh no! what a slap in the face when it's them that are clearly in the wrong. It sounds like you have the support of your h2b so thats the main thing, it can't be easy for him either i guess. Has he spoken to his family about it at all? Maybe you could do so together, show a united front. mind you your text too her said it all, you go girl! I would have done the same. There's also nothing wrong with WOW although I found Dark Age of Camelot better ;P
A least you can see a silver lining being able to invite friend you previously couldn't....it's their loss totally, and something they will never get to do again cos lets face it you only marry once.
Soon to be joined together as the Wheeler family, can't wait
Doing thing our way xxxx
CommentAuthorx Disney Princess x
I'm glad you stood up to her she needs putting in her place x
CommentAuthorTsukijin
Omg mrsboyd bring your wedding forward, that'll learn her. Why should she marry before you! Where do these defective mils come from? When my son is older I am going to tell him to shoot me if I become anything like my mil.
eru, shiteiru ka? shinigami wa ringo shika tabenai?
^_^
CommentAuthorkimmy
She sounds a right nasty cow, stick to your guns.x
CommentAuthorRockabilly chick
Thats brilliant about your h2b, its lovely to see a man be so supportive (mines a mummys boy, luckily his mother is harmless).
Well to be honest, if the family are going to be like that then maybe you are better off without them in your life. Its really unfair the way theyve treated you, acting like your in the wrong!? Thats just crazy.
Dont worry about it ruining your day because you'll have supportive, kind, nice people all around you and you're marrying a wonderful man so it will be even better without them lot there :-)
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
CommentAuthorKaili&James
Lovely that your H2B is sticking by you. He has possibly had this hassle for as long as he can rememb er though so its no suprise really. Stick by your word if your H2B is in agreement (its both of you that need to decide your guestlist) and if he is happy to not have them all there then so be it. It wont look silly to not have his family members there afterall its your day and you choose the people that are close enough for you to celebrate it with. We wont be inviting anyone who is not happy for us or doesn't get on with us. After the text she sent, you could always reply asking for the addresses (letting her think she has won) and send them all a letter saying that they are not invited to the wedding and explaining that you and h2b have jointly decided that they are not to attend as you dont feel you want to share your special day with them.
Hope you get it started soon xx
CommentAuthorTsukijin
Haha kaili that's genius she will think they're getting an invite and then they just get a letter :D
eru, shiteiru ka? shinigami wa ringo shika tabenai?
^_^
CommentAuthorsuzky123
she sounds absolutely ridiculous. You are all better off them not coming if that is the pathetic attitude they are taking. Good luck x
cant wait to be Mrs Evans less than 3 weeks woooo
start weight 10st 1.5 lbs
weight now 8st 4.5 lbs
total loss to date: 24.5 lbs now need to maintain!
CommentAuthorlinzmum
lol Kaili what a good idea. I would use posh envelops so it looks like an invite from the outside ;P karma !!!!
Soon to be joined together as the Wheeler family, can't wait
Doing thing our way xxxx
CommentAuthorLisa Ramos
Reading this thread has actually made me so angry! What a vile lot! So glad your partner is backing you 100%. I would be so tempted to write a letter to your mil2b and point out to her everything you have done.
I love my lickle Ava
CommentAuthormarie08
love the idea kaili.but if it was me i wouldnt give them anymore satisfaction.you have plenty of other good things to be doing.loved your text back by the way to mil.respectful and to the point unlike her text to you.i know you will have a great wedding day hun.xx
CommentAuthorEcoFreak
Haha amazing text back! Very well done, I wouldn't have been so polite... So glad your h2b isn't anything like them and sticking by you & your brother against "the scum" Your day will be so much better without their poison and with your friends instead :) Xx
CommentAuthorTsukijin
edited
I'd love to update and say it was sorted but now his mum has turned to begging and pestering pathetically. Although I've discovered that aside from his nana none of the rest of oh's family even know about this lol.
She's being patronizing and rang saying to my oh "there's someone you forgot to invite" Multiple texts today include "please invite x" "for your sisters sake invite x" "for your nephews sake invite x" " don't you think it's a bit mean that you haven't invited x?" "it's your wedding too so you can invite x even if tsuki doesn't want to"
eru, shiteiru ka? shinigami wa ringo shika tabenai?
^_^
CommentAuthormarie08
omg change your number.has she no respect....im guessing not.x
CommentAuthorEcoFreak
That's just sad.. How pathetic. Xx
CommentAuthorhello-kitty
well it's not their wedding....so it shouldnt be for anyone elses sake but you and your h2b. xx
best day of my life to come 10th November 2013
Weight atm 11st
weight i was when we first met 8st
only 3 stone to lose -_-
CommentAuthorTsukijin
edited
I don't get the "sake" bit. If I don't invite him will they divide by zero and spontaneously combust?
eru, shiteiru ka? shinigami wa ringo shika tabenai?
^_^
CommentAuthorkatie_lou
the MIL sounds like a complete tw*t! i bet you wish your wedding was sooner so that you could go ahead and marry without her pestering. ooops. forgot to tell you we changed the date, sorry.
how about reminding MIL that the toad isnt even family? not blood, not married into the family. just rather unfortunatley linked to the family due to him fathering a child!
