I am not born British so I am trying to get my head around uniting British and my own custom. And I am having a hard time involving my mother in the ceremony.
We're going to have a civil ceremony - my dad is walking me down the aisle, all my sisters, two of his sisters and my brothers fiancee are my bridesmaids, my brother is an usher, my h2b's 3rd sister is his best (wo)man and my mil will do a reading. My h2b's dad will probably not attend the wedding at all. So literally all the immediate family will play a role in the wedding - all but my mum. How can I involve her?
Any tips? Are there any special (non-religious) customs I don't know about?
Thank you
It’s so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life....
CommentAuthorLittle Kettle
Have you asked her how she would like to be involved and see if she has any ideas? Hx
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CommentAuthorGembo
Could she read a poem?? My mums not doing anything at the cermony but I will make her involved in everything else especially in the run up to the wedding. Mums going to help me pick out some flowers, be there to try on dresses and help pick out bits and bobs which h2b isnt intrested in. That way shes invloved in alot and then sits back and relaxes on the day xx
xx Gembo xx
CommentAuthorRoxy
You could ask her if she would like to make a speech? My mum will be making a speech at my wedding :)
CommentAuthorMrsSophieFoster
my moms walking me down the aisle because my dads not coming (long story) but if she wasnt id feel the same about having her involved she's just as important if not more than anyone else. the poem sounds good xx
Met 12th Jan 2005
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I dont think she needs to be involved in the ceremony. Your mum is there to help you plan everything else - take her to try on dresses, ask her opinions on flowers, food, take her to the venue, get her advice on the guest list. On the day your mum should just be able to relax, take it all in and even have a little cry :) - this is why it's the mums who get 'thank you' bouquets after the speeches - they have helped with lead up to the wedding in making sure everything goes smoothly.
If you really want her to get involved in the ceremony though, ask her to do a reading or a poem - always a nice touch x
CommentAuthorLittleMissBossy
Thank you everyone!
Thing is I live in England and my mum in Austria. My family will travel here for the wedding but she can't really take part in the build up. Same with half of my bridesmaids and my moh - due to the distance they can't really fulfill their duty. And because she's missing out on the planning I thought it would be nice to give her a role during the ceremony.
(and I've already got my dress :))
It’s so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life....
CommentAuthorLittleMissBossy
I think a second reading might be the only solution.
It’s so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life....
CommentAuthorbridalmiss
Yes a second reading, or I've seen some wedding where both parents walk the bride down the aisle, one on each side :-)
CommentAuthorJane
she could sign the register as one of your witnesses :)
yay soon 2 be Lady Jane Bradbury
CommentAuthorWeeMintyMonkie
My mum is simply just involved as she is the MOB. Her dress is in the colour scheme and thats about it, Im getting my friend from work to read a poem, shes like my mummy at work and as i dont really get on with my mum id rather my friend do the reading than my own mum. xxx
CommentAuthorsuzky123
my mum doesnt want a job. She just wants to simply enjoy being mother of the bride.
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CommentAuthorJilly17
How about a Unity candle ceremony? where the 2 mums light taper candles to represent the 2 famillies coming together, then u and groom light a taper from these individual candles and light a third candle together to represent you two coming together? If mil is doing a reading though I would definately give your mum a second reading to do though!
CommentAuthorhlaraine1
I have asked my mom to be one of our witnesses, she lives a fair distance from me and neither of us drive so we dont spend much time together to be able to go dress shopping etc
CommentAuthorLittleMissBossy
Thank you all. My Moh is my witness. I don't mind what she's wearing as long as she feels good in it, we're going to have a relaxed wedding.
I do like the idea of the unity candle - it's a catholic custom though and not accepted by the registrar.
Do any of you know of other secular customs?
It’s so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life....
CommentAuthorkrisw86
i think that doing a speech may work nicely. as well as greeting the guests when they arrive and thanking them for attending. simple little things will make her feel part of the day hun. maybe when she gets here, u 2 have a meal before the wedding and have some quality time 2gether xxx
CommentAuthorJilly17
The Unity Candle has no connection with the Catholic faith and it can be performed by the registrar. I have only heard of one incidence where it would not be accepted by a particular Registrar but other than that have seen it loads of times outside a church
CommentAuthorLittleMissBossy
It is custom in catholic weddings so I understand the religous connotation. But in general there aren't any candles allowed near the registrar - not even for decoration. Have already checked that.
I think I'm going to invite her for a couple of days, just her without my dad, to share some planning and DIY and will possibly consider a second reading. But I do like the unity candle, maybe we do this after dinner or in the evening.
Thank you everyone.
It’s so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life....
CommentAuthormummy2Olivia_Lisa
we didnt really involve ours mums but our dads were on the marriage certs so rather than the usual of gettin bestman n chief bm to sign the reg after we got both mums to do it so now we have our mums n dads on the papers. x x