Wedding Forum - Think groom has cold feet already!...

hello ladies (and the odd guy)
feeling bit low today as htb was weird last night .lately hes seemed to be slightly more interested in wedding bits and pieces which i love. but last night he started asking weird questions about going out and what if someone saw him talking to a girl he had a thing with before me and was he aloud to go out with girls from his past now so i said to him i dont mind if he bumps into past flings and says hi how are you but id be angry if he met up with them or gave them his num etc.
he then started going on about how he doesnt like rules and i suffocate him. he said weddings are point less all he wants is the piece of paper but even then he sees no difference and will still refer to me as his girlfriend as wife is stupid.
i just dont get how one minute all is perfect and better then ever and the next hes going on about wanting to go out and see old girlfriends and one night stands that hes not even friends with anymore.
i dont know if its cold feet and that its to much like being grown up or if he actually means this.
im trying my hardest to get back to my old self after 6 years of total hell with my ex i recently had a massive crash and burn but htb picked me up got me refered to a counciler to help stop my nightmares and get my confidence back. im starting college in 2 weeks, going out on my own, doing small things every day i would never have done before all for him and my kids because i nearly pushed them all away and im fixing myself as best i can do to be normal again. hes praised me every day and tells me he loves having the old me back but then last night he said its early days and i have a long way to go before im ok and i can fall back down at any time and if that happens hes leaving, he also asked if thought we just put our wedding back a year just so he knows hes not marrying a crazy lady. hello how is that helpfull?? i cant help or change the things that happened and i cant help that some days things bring it back,i cant stop my nightmares now im terrified of looking even a tiny bit misrable in case he thinks im slipping again.
any ideas whats going on is this normal male behaviour when they realise they are going to be married? how do they change their minds so quickly?
sorry for the rant htb is the only one whos knows im getting help so cant really let it out anywhere else xx

Oh hun, don't know what to say. I don't understand his attitude at all, it sounds like he's trying to back-track a bit for some reason!
I'm assuming he asked you to marry him to start with? How long have you been together?
I don't like this sudden fasination with wanting to see old girlfriends and rules, have you changed the way you treat or talk to him? xx

dont want to be the cynical one here but you dont think he might already have met up with a girl socially and is worried he might have been seen do you? Otherwise why would he ask how you'd feel if he'd been seen with one of them? Maybe he's just testing the water...sorry, I know thats not what you want to hear but I'm naturally cynical and the thought just struck me when I read your post :o(

I agree with Sara it all sounds a bit strange that something may have happened before and he is trying to let u know in some weird way. I really think you both need to sit down and let it all out, u cant go on like this though hunni xx

i really don't get how he was one minute prasising you and helping you through your troubles to then saying he is leaving if it happens again? I think you need to have a proper chat and ask him whats suddenly changed his tune, has someone said something to him? maybe his brother? I think you saying that you would class him going to strippers as cheating it has maybe worried him at what your boundries are i.e bumping in to exs. Maybe is he just getting a little bit of cold feet? which is natural but he is going about it the wrong way! Hope you get to the bottom of it hun x

Have you turned tables on him and said "If I'm out and I bump into someone who offers to buy me a drink, would you mind?"

Personally I would be worried. My h2b has mostly girls as friends, but he's completely open book about it. He doesn't go out without me and if he's talking to any of his friends, I'm either with him or not far away. We both have access to each other's fb and email accounts and phones. No secrets - but that's the only way he can have all these girls as friends. Not my rules - his. He doesn't ever want me to think he's cheating. We have to have trust between us as he's a trucker and is away such a lot.
Equally, I have lots of male friends - but the rules apply to me too. There was one old friend who had hopes of us getting together when I split from my husband and I've had to kindly explain to him that I don't want him to come between me and my h2b, and I've deleted him from facebook and my contacts list etc.

If I was in your position I would have alarm bells ringing - but perhaps what it needs is simply for the pair of you to go out once a fortnight and have lots of fun. Have special nights in - put the music on, have a few drinks and dance. When we can't go out because of the children we have "Shot-Games nights" where a couple of friends come over and we play board games with shots forfeits. The children have a sleep over upstairs, watching dvd's, playing games and having nibbles whilst we have fun downstairs.
We sometimes have different friends over, get the Wii out and have a fun night with the friends and all the children. It livens life up and this could be what the doctor ordered.

I think jo's right - ask him how he'd feel if it was the other way round.

I think you're probably right about his big brother too - kathy bates in Misery has nothing on you etc etc but that's for your h2b to sort out, he's letting his brother do his thinking for him and is no doubt just rhyming off what his brother said to him.

Let him remember for himself that you're not a bunny boiler, marriage does mean more to him than 'just a piece of paper' and share all your wedding ideas with us :) x

Aww hun I dont think you're a bunny boiler, and your h2b will know this too, it'll be his brother yapping in his ear and hitting a nerve somewhere which has got him feeling antsy. Good on you for not minding the female best friend kicking out her hubby to cook a meal for they two - I cant say I'd be as cool about that lol if anything it's him that sounds a bit insecure - telling you you're not wearing something because its too much cleavage... dress how you want to dress x