Well, this time next week will be the day before our wedding. 13 months of planning, everything sorted, everything laid out in my daughters bedroom ready and waiting. But we are on a bit of downer at the moment as we have a dilemma with our best man. He is H2B brother (he only has one brother), he lives a little distance away but has known for 13 months that he is best man. He has a partner and two teenage daughters. With a week to go we phoned him yesterday to check arrangements. Problem no. 1 - he says his 2 daughters arent coming now. Wonderful. £30 a head already paid for. Problem no. 2. He isnt coming down until the day before the wedding. No time to sort him a suit/waistcoat etc, he says he has a suit, but it wont match the wedding party and the cravat we bought, needed him to be around to size up the suit and waistcoat. Now he is planning to arrive on the day of the Royal Wedding so doubtful we would be able to go shopping. And to be honest, didnt want to be faffing about with suits the day before, got other things to do! Asked if he could come the on the Thursday. Nope. Problem no. 3 - he wanted to put a tent up in his parents garden to stay in (!) when they have a spare room he could use. H2B points out they have paved the garden so nowhere to put up a tent and spare room is free. Now Best man says he will stay with friends the night before. So there goes H2Bs plans to spend the evening with him and a few beers, not seen him for over a year so wanted to catch up.
Just feeling really rotten for H2B today, he's really down in the dumps. I know how much it means for him to have his brother as his best man and his brother is really letting him down here. Just want to shake him, but know I shouldnt get involved. H2B has said if he doesnt come at all (which is a distinct possibility - best man might just not bother!) then he doesnt want a best man at all. Best man is a bit 'scatty', he is a rock band and is a tattoo artist and lives on the edge a bit but he should still be there for his brother on his big day.
And then there is the problem of my table plan. Already had to bin the first one (that took me hours to make!) because 2 people cancelled. Now his daughters arent coming either. So what to do? Not bother? Our daytime guest list has gone from 45 down to 30 so is there much point in doing a table plan at all? I wanted to do one as a keepsake more than anything, and father in law to be was so lovely when I had to bin the last one, he bought all the bits to make a new one for us.
So....
Forum Poll
Best Man Dilemma
What to do about Best Man issues?
Poll Results
Total Votes:
20
Do absolutely nothing and let H2B deal with it all in his own way
25%
Have a discrete word with Best man and tell him how upset H2B is although H2B may not want this
35%
Have a word with HBs parents and let them sort it out
30%
Not do anything and tell H2B not to do anything, if Best man turns up he turns up, if he doesnt, dont worry about it
10%
Forum Poll
Bothering with Table Plan
Should I bother with a table plan with only 30 guests and unsure if 2 of those are coming till the day before?? (Bear in mind one would be on the top table!!)
Poll Results
Total Votes:
20
Make one and include the 2 possibles
45%
Make one and dont include the 2 possibles
15%
Dont bother
40%
CommentAuthorStave
Call him, to ask for confirmation as you need to "do your table plan" and then let it slip how upset your H2B is???
CommentAuthorTrish Goddard
Hi love...
As far as the Best Man goes.. Stop worrying.. its so near your wedding now you really could do without the added stress... Its really not the end of the world if he dont have a best man.. (were not having one)
The table arrangements... is a little more tricky, depends on what you really want... We have only 37 ppl coming.. we are having a Top table but letting the other people sit where they want!!
Chill out and enjoy the last few days you have.. its the Getting Married that matters surely!!
CommentAuthorJane
Jaesin, he already knows we need to do the table plan, we told him yesterday. H2B would be cross with me if I let slip about him being upset. He wants his brother to think he's not bothered either way, men!!!
CommentAuthorStave
But how about giving the brother the benefit, if nobody tells him that he is being a bit of a plonker, he might not even realise...........?
SACK HIM. Then slap him. Then do your table plan without him. :P
But in all seriousness. tell him. He's messing you about and he needs to know it's unfair on you and your h2b. He's been asked to be the best man...that's an honour and if he doesn't appreciate that, why didn't he just say no? Regardless of his lifestyle, it's not the way you choose to live and you deserve to know everything before the last possible second. Surely he must realise he's coming on a day the whole country will be busy celebrating the royal wedding, so like you say it's unlikely you'll find anywhere to get him sorted outfit wise! He needs to get his priorities in check, his brother is getting married...
Got married 27th June and blessed on July 5th 2012
Finally Mrs M :3
Love, love... Here we are.
CommentAuthorXLittleMissMe!X
I would just talk to your h2b about it and try and support him then let him deal with it in his own way. He might not be too happy if you start saying things behind his back. Maybe he needs to have another chat with him and tell him that he needs to know one way or another. It isn't good enough just rocking up on the day. He needs to get his suit sorted. Can he not buy the same as you are having from where he is? Are you getting them from a chain? Either that or get him to take his measurements and then order them without him being there and hope they fit alright. I would be well hacked off if someone had the nerve to do that to us.
CommentAuthorx ashlil x
i completely agree with ataraxia x
CommentAuthorbecky -mrs firth
to be fair, his brother should knwo that he woudl be upset! i would defo ring him if it wa sme and have words!! and say cos u so lately cancelled your daughters he has to give u that money too!! the cheek of it!
i would just us ethe table plan u have already done hun! x
Engaged 27th November 2010
Hen Do Newcastle 2nd June 2012
Marrying the man of my dreams 11th August 2012!
Honeymoon To Jamaica 14th October 2012
CommentAuthorStave
Well you would have thought so MrsF, but some people just dont put as much thought into these things as you would have imagined. He sounds like the type of person that just turned up at his own wedding and thought that all the faries made it happen.
Sometimes people just do need to be told, best tell him before the event. Imagine if it came out after and he said he was sorry and didnt realise......?
CommentAuthorbecky -mrs firth
yes i wud just ring him up , not have a shoutin chat wiv him ( like u shud do lol) but a civil 'informing' chat! why aint the kids cumin to their uncles weddin?? btw that sounds weird to me x
Engaged 27th November 2010
Hen Do Newcastle 2nd June 2012
Marrying the man of my dreams 11th August 2012!
Honeymoon To Jamaica 14th October 2012
CommentAuthormummybez
Jane I know where your coming from as our best man is in scotland and we're in kent although he's coming down on the thursday night but not really enough time for the best mans duties either. About your suit dilemma though are the suits from a local company or a company that has several outlets? Ours are ordered from a shop down here but what we did was still ordered all of them from the shop but got them to get measured up in Scotland, then let us know the sizes. If they get measured in proper suit shop or another franchise or same shop but elsewhere the suits measured should be the same, that way their all be in the same. On speaking to your brother in law to be, you need to think how your h2b would feel if you spoke to him about it. Probably you could sound your in laws out about it and see what they think and just point out you don't want to upset people but also cos it's important for h2b to enjoy his day as much as you, i'm sure their realise how much you care and may speak to the brother on your behalf x
CommentAuthorJane
That made me smile JaeSin, about the fairies making it happen! I wish! About the money I've already paid out for their meals - I'm hoping to negotiate with the venue as final number dont have to be in till 48 hours before, I'm hoping because I've already given them the money they will just put the extra behind the bar for me and my immediate family to use. Thats the plan anyway!
Currently making the table plan AGAIN but taken off the 2 teenagers and not actually sticking any names down permenantly with glue until the day before!!! Checked the bus timetables - they should get on a bus at 7am and I am due to drop everything off at venue at 10am so I will have time to confirm they are actually on their way before I get glueing!! Talk about last minute!
Had a chat with H2B a minute ago about it all and said it was only to be expected, his brother is like that, and if he was any other way he wouldnt be his brother! Hes been the same for 39 years and he isnt going to change now! As for the suit, he will just have to wear whatever he turns up in. If he dont match I dont care. Its him that will look daft, not me. (And his mother will soon take him into a side room and have words with him anyway! They are tough women these Yorkshire women!)
So trying to keep the peace and a positive 'wait and see' attitude, nothing I can do to change it.
CommentAuthorJane
Becky - his kids arent coming because to be honest I dont think he can afford their bus fares, its £92 a ticket. I know hes had a long time to plan and save but ........ anyway. His girls are 15 and 18 and I think they are staying home as well to look after their animals. Think H2Bs parents were looking forward to seeing them but never mind.
Mummybez, not so simple about getting him a matching suit as the suit came from somewhere different than the cravat and the waistcoat somewhere different again! Not worried - my son and H2B will be matching and thats all that matters to me!
CommentAuthormummybez
I'm sure the venue will do that for you, most would be ok putting it behind the bar as their not actually loosing any money in the long run x
CommentAuthorJane
Solved the table plan dilemma, made 2 now, one for each possibility!
CommentAuthorMrsd
My hubby had his dad as best man, but up to 3 weeks ago his parents wasnt even coming to the wedding so the suits got sorted without the best man, his dad wore his own suit and it didnt match but didnt matter tbh so try not to worry bout suits hun. xx
