Wedding Forum - What are their duties?...

One of my good friend is a bridesmaid, she's been here for me previously when I needed here, and vice versa. She just recently started studying again, so is always skint, and on top of that, she broke up with her boyfriend as well, and she's been left devastated. she don't want my help and support, but she knows that I am going through a tough time myself. I have been thinking though lately that I am not sure I still want her as bridesmaid, because every time I need help with wedding stuff, like to go to wedding fair, or I need to go try my dress again and someone to take photos, and because of my mental health I am feeling bad in town or shops if I am not with a friend, and she don't answer my calls, or texts, or messages, and has told me previously that financially she won't be able to spend money for the next 3 years. Should I pay for her place at my hen do and her drinks during wedding, etc. or because I feel let down not have her as bridesmaid. Today I was a bit p*** off, as I went to wedding fair a few minutes walk from her house and unable to get in touch that has been going on for other a month. Also I went to spend last 2 New Years Eve at hers, and last one I felt I was unwelcome, so I am really struggling and just need a rant. sorry for the length just need to air it out.

oh dear :o( Dont really know what to suggest other than could you maybe see if you can sit down with her, tell her how you feel and discuss whatever the issue is? Perhaps (and I feel mean saying this) she doesnt want to be a bridesmaid anymore, and lets be fair, if thats the case then I'm assuming you'd rather she wasnt too. If you manage to pin her down at some point really just tell her how you feel. There may be things going on with her that you dont know about too. Good luck hun xx

its a difficult one. I can see that doing wedding stuff with you would be difficult for her having just split up with her boyfriend but at the same time it might be just the distraction she needs...perhaps you could give it a couple months and wait and see what happens? You've got plenty of time before the wedding and the last thing you want to do is make a decision now that you'll regret later. Maybe if in a couple months things haven't improved then track her down and have serious words. You might find that she'll come round and be back to the person she was before. Play the waiting game for now, see what happens xx

Agree with jo; it's difficult without knowing the whole story. She's going through a tough time of her own, and while your wedding is important to you, you have to appreciate that it's your wedding, not hers. I'm not giving my BMs any duties: they're organising the hen do and that's it, basically I just want them as BMs because they're my best friends and I love them and they can't wait to be BMs. I won't be expecting them to come to dress fittings or anything, the only thing I'll be asking is that we go shopping one Saturday to get their dresses (they're choosing their own individual ones off the rail from wherever they want) and that's it.

I don't want to sound harsh, but I think it can be easy to get caught up in things. I'm determined to stay relaxed about my wedding, and this is one reason it will be so informal; I'm conscious of not putting others under pressure, or giving them tasks and duties because the way I see it, it's my day and therefore it's down to me, not my friends, who have their own lives and their own stresses to worry about.

She may also be finding it hard having been through a recent break-up, and surely that's understandable?..

You really need to talk to her; you also need to decide if you're still friends and want her to be a BM, but I don't think you should be making that decision based on whether she can accompany you to dress fittings etc, as personally I think that's unfair.