Wedding Forum - H2b daughter advice/role...

Subject: H2B DAUGHTER ADVICE

I am getting married next year (aged 49) and my two daughters (19 & 16) will be bridesmaids. My h2b has two sons who will be bestmen (30 & 19). My problem is that he also has a daughter who is not my most favourite person - she interfers in everything we do and I just cant stand her on top of that she has a 7 year old son who is a complete brat and totally out of control. He asked if she could be bridesmaid and if not to find a role for her - as far as i am concerned her job is to keep the brat in check. However, I need to find something that appears an important role but isnt necessarily !! To make me appear an even worse bitch (which I really am not) shes not invited on my major henparty - mainly because I was restricted by numbers and chose my family and closest friends so no room for her - although she could come to the small one night one. One other thing she will be getting married in a few years time and there will be absolutely no role there for me - I will just be an observer. So heres my dilema - what can I possibly do with her and probably her brat too?? I thought a reading and his witness but my other half wasnt too impressed. I did think about letting her follow my bridesmaids down the aisle with her son like a kindof paigeboy/mum but with a dress totally different from the bridesmaids. Or to ask her to walk down the aisle with him before me and my girls - but someone said thats almost giving her chief bridesmaid role. Please please please someone give me some kind of clue and suggestion what I can possibly do.

hmmm sorry no idea but i didnt want to read and run good luck hun

Gosh this is a hard one....

How about just acknowledging her in the speech.... Saying something like Thank you for your support?
and maybe as you say even bring your husband witness.
OR could simply have just a corsage made for her to signify that she had a special part in your day. or you could ask her to say something special at your reception. This could include a toast, or sentiment prior to dinner.

Good luck in whatever you choose xx

i wouldnt have her as a bm as ovb she asked her son to ask you! im not having h2b children as bm. they arent even coming but that is there choice. they are 11 and 13. i get on with them to an extent but they are so spoilt. this year alone they have already been skiing twice and they are going to dubai on friday!!

i wouldnt involve her but just put her on the family table and that should be enough! xx

my opionion is why should you give her a job if you cant stand her... if that was me id worry she'd purposliy mess up....

i like the previous idea of best woman on his side ... but also agree with jo and the whole why do people need roles

as many know my mum picked my bridesmaids, andi am now left with :-
my sister - who i know will help me on the day and be a "bm"
my other sister - who is just out of hospital, so i cant rely on her too much as she has her own problems
his(my OH) eldest daughter - she is in england so its a nightmare to try and get her fitted for a bm dress,not that she likes dresses, and on top of that i know come the day will be no help as she will just sit next t her brother and not move.
and his youngest daughter- who stays here with us, and 75% of the time gets on my nerves, she is a spoilt brat and only thinks of herself , so i doubt will be any help.

Do what makes you happy, explain to your oh that you feel strongly that you dont want her as your BM, and if he wants her involved, she could be his best woman or do a reading etc. Don't let others tell you what to do, like i have allowed, you will end up unhappy.

I'm quite shocked that people are calling their step children/grandchildren to be, brats, and getting on ya nerves!
This is my 2nd marriage and h2b will be step-father to my two eldest children, and i would utterly devestated if he referred to them like that!!??

Anyway, i think, if you and her do not get along, then perhaps h2b should decide her role? I like the idea of 'bestwoman' actually. Sounds very important, but isn't really!! Lol

Good luck with what u decide

Xxx

lulliebiscuit - it doesnt matter if we love our partners, we dont have to love or even like their children!!! I'm sure CFC is quite justified when she calls the child a brat - she knows the child in question! Personally I would not include her - just have her as a normal guest, I'm sure she isnt expecting anything different. And if she says anything just say you thought she would have her hands full with the child. I can see where you are coming from with this - my H2B doesnt like my eldest daughter very much but tolerates her because of me. x

I didnt think it was read as being offensive, just opinion.
I have been the daughter in the situation and the mother, so I can see it from all 58 corners :-0

And as for my other 2 kids - he loves them to bits x

(and no offence taken lol)

ps. H2B has no kids of his own, so having to get to grips with me having 3 of them was a BIG ask! I'm just glad that he adores 2 out of the 3!!! xx

same here jane, i cant stand his daughter half the time, or tolerate my sons most of the time (been called up to the school 3 times in a week - he is only primary 1). Andy cant stand my sons but brushes me off when i moan about his daughter, which just makes me worse.its a constant battle between us, i dont act nasty or say anything to her, i now just ignore her best as i can and count till she is out the house and hopefully our relationship can go back to the way it once was (which used to be very good)

No offence was taken it was just showing another view point. I think we all have our limits of what we will and won't put up with.

mine are younger ( 6 and 4 ) as i said the 6 year old is a challenge , even right this second i want to lock them in a room. My 4 year old is constantly destroying things, last week was his digital camera down the toilet.

If they break something of mine, its a case of its your things put it up.When its his things its different.
His daughter is 17, used all my make up (which was almost new - very little used in it) my perfume is half gone, she lets her dog run wild , i walk into my kids room and find dog poo at least once a week, usually more. She looks down her nose at me whenever i get something new,like my ds last year "Where did you get the money to buy that!" i was raging when i heard that - as at the time i had my own money and wasn't relying on andy's.

Thats only a little of what she has done, you would think she would know better, but anything i say andy telle me to appologise, and to stay off her back.

I didn't take offence, i was just trying to show how its really easy for the others kids to get on your nerve, not just because they are not yours but just because of today's youths attitudes.

thats my other halfs usual say - who would have them

As for my oldest john (6) we think he may have some sort of autism, and he is now in the nurture class at schoold (for those kids with problems and needing a smaller class) so their is now only 8 max in his class(between primary 1-3) for 2/3 of the day,then he goes back to his normal class

thanks so much for all your replies - i have compromised - she is starting us all off - getting her to walk down the aisle holding her sons hand - followed (after a decently short space of time) by my bridesmaids then me - she is saying she wants a long dress to match the bridesmaids which i have told her absolutely NO way - have said dress can compliment but not be the same colour - she will also have a budget for this dress but we are absolutely not paying for her make up or hair - thats down to her -

honestly im stunned xxxxx