I am starting to be completely fed up and totally unsupported, every discussion I have with h2b he's putting me down so much to the point I will start crying and thinking why I want to get married, he is so unsupportive, about anything, when I ask him to ask his family to help if for example someone would have a nice car we could borrow, or if he's got any idea to get more money like selling stuff, I have now gotten rid off most of my personal things I could sell, which includes clothing, DVD, books and he won't agree to get rid off any of his. And just now, which is why I am back up so early, he just told me that our wedding still costs a lot but basically it will be rubbish (2nd best is his words) as I have compromised on venue, food style. He wanted to get £20,000 wedding and we can't afford that unless we get a £13,000 loan (which I am not ready to do as I want to get mortgage after the wedding). I am really considering completely postponing, but have booked my dress so really don't know what to do.
Soon to be Mrs Gary Doublé
Everything is now booked
Getting really stressed and excited now
CommentAuthorXTeresainLoveX
Oh honey I really feel for you. Men can be so useless sometimes. What you need to try and do is look at a more realistic budget that you can afford and stick to it. You can still have the wedding of your dreams without spending so much. We've only got a budget of £5000 so are going to stick to it. There are plenty of nice places around that can still offer a decent venue etc within that amount. I do think you need to try and sit down with h2b and tell him how its making you feel. Does he know you are thinking of postponing? Maybe thats the shock he needs to be more supportive. You should both be excited and looking forward to your special day not worrying over how much to spend on it. Are there any other members of your family that can maybe sit down with you both to help you decide on how to work all the costs out. If you have the support of your family use it. Not sure if this has helped but hope you get it sorted out xxx
CommentAuthorMrs*Maria*Louise
aww hun i feel for you, try and talk to him to tell him how you feel which i know can be hard so if you can't do that or he just dont get it (which men can be like that) write it to him in a letter or email, it can be easier to write things down rather than talking! ive come to the terms that it doesn't matter how much you spend on the wedding its what the day means in itself, maybe h2b is grumpy due to work stress or similar kind of stress!! hope things work out for you and sorry if i wasn't much help xxxx
We Did It Finally
Now Husband and Wife
It Was A Dream Come True
26/11/11 Best Day Of My Life
CommentAuthorUnknown
you arent getting married for another 15 months and men think that it doesnt take any time at all to plan and save for a wedding! when me and ed got engaged we didnt set a date or start to save for 6 months. we then choose a date but didnt do anything else about it. then about july last year we finally decided where we are going to get married but he kept saying dont do stuff yet as it is too far away. i told him i wanted it all done by last xmas but it wasnt then when we got into this year he suddenly reaslied we were getting married this year and had no money or nothing planned except my dress and bm dresses!
my point is that men think it will get itself done and dont worry about it like us girlies do! as the time gets nearer he will help you but if he is anything like ed then not a lot but i know he tries his best!
you shouldnt put up with him putting you down either. have you tried to talk to him and explained? me and ed used to have such big arguements when we were drunk and he would always always blame me and everyone would think it was me but i knew deep down that it wasnt. now i only get tipsey and stop drinking because of it! i have now realised that he still does it when he is drunk and im sober for example on sat night...he was horrible to me as he was drunk and told me to f**k off and go to my mums. at times like this i question whether i want to be with him but as i love him i know i would never leave!
sit down and really think about it! just because you have booked your dress isnt a reason to go ahead with the wedding! speak to him and explain how you are feeling! xx
CommentAuthorFuture Mrs Doublé
Thanks girls, After my post, I went back up and he was half sleeping, I think trying to wait for me, and kept on being mean, even in a spur of moment told me he wanted to break up, so I started crying (couldn't help it really) and then we had a chat, what he meant is that all my life I have dreamt of THE BIG WEDDING and can't have it. But what he don't realise is that for me the wedding is first about the dress, Well being with the one I love is first, but the dress is the main thing for me about the ceremony, the rest is accessory, so as I've booked my dress the rest does not matter as much and I am sure we'll have a lovely wedding after all, even if we will be on a budget :)
Soon to be Mrs Gary Doublé
Everything is now booked
Getting really stressed and excited now
my h2b was the same but now hes like me he wants everything done, hes really laid back where as i want it done now, you can have a lovely wedding on a budget xx
the greatest thing is to love and to be loved in return
CommentAuthorFuture Mrs Doublé
We just sat down together (in front of UKbride budget planner) I showed him realistically how much individually each things cost, and what I managed to find (for way cheaper) and spent an hour, detailing also food choices and budget for each places we're going to visit during the week and we feel a lot better now and it's more real> we also just discussed our birthdays presents, and decided to buy one another something we'll use for wedding, I will buy his shoes, and for mine he might buy my shoes or jewels, etc. and from our family we'll ask money for our birthdays to help us with wedding cost, between both of us and our families, if we do that we could easily get £1000 as birthday/Christmas presents :)
Soon to be Mrs Gary Doublé
Everything is now booked
Getting really stressed and excited now
CommentAuthorXLittleMissMe!X
Please please don't take on a loan for that amount as you will live to regret it. Either go for a lovely small intimate wedding in a dream venue or do a civil, church, registry office, town hall wedding and find a nice place to go afterwards. Even go abroad as you can do a whole package and honeymoon for a couple of grand. There are plenty of options for you to choose from so you can have a lovely wedding without being up to your neck in debt.
Weddings are not about fancy things. Its about two people coming together as one and committing to each other. Get your priorities in the right order. You don't need fancy cars etc. Who says that they make the day any better and who really cares what other people think? I have more respect for people who can arrange a lovely day on a shoestring than people who are paying off a wedding for the rest of their married lives. When it comes to inviting people you don't need every man and his dog to show off to. Only invite the people close and important to you. If you haven't seen aunt Mable in 15 years then why pay to see her now?
Also talk to your h2b. Explain that showing off to other people isn't what marriage is all about. Tell him that what he has said has hurt you and that you need to find solutions that you can both compromise on. If he isn't prepared to give up his things and social life then he can't expect to have an all singing and dancing wedding. If you can't talk to each other now and sort this out then there is little point in even thinking about getting married. I'm sure you can sort things out though and its surprising at how much you can do with very little money.
CommentAuthorKaya
We're getting married in 3 and a half months and still h2b doesn't seem v enthusiastic... we were supposed to be going to a wedding fair yesterday but he was too tired apparently!! Does he not realise he's making it soo we'll have to do more trips to meet more suppliers? Dumb ass!
Now Mrs Cobb!!!!!! :-D
CommentAuthorMrs*Maria*Louise
i think its just men that dont get excitied like we do about weddings i keep saying we need to sit down and work the date out as we are supposed to be booking it wednesday and need to find a venue but can i get him to sit down and talk NO!! lol but its not that they aren't interested they are more relaxed about these things and wont worry about it till last minute so if it was down to men planning it would be done the day b4 lol try not to stress hun you have a while, it will work out xx
kaya thats why i went to a wedding fayre with my mum h2b not interested but was really dissapointed actually and it was my first fayre :(
We Did It Finally
Now Husband and Wife
It Was A Dream Come True
26/11/11 Best Day Of My Life
CommentAuthorFuture Mrs Doublé
I certainly will not get a loan (was his idea) and as for small intimate, we can't really do that minimum I managed for breakfast is still 75/80 people plus another 20 afterwards for evening. I am even tempted to do a late wedding (around 3/4pm at Church) then just invite everybody for a hot fork buffet (cheaper than sit down meal) but even that he doesn't agree on. so the compromise will be on food and drink package and decoration will be minimal).
Soon to be Mrs Gary Doublé
Everything is now booked
Getting really stressed and excited now
CommentAuthorXLittleMissMe!X
As long as the service is nice which a church will provide then the rest doesn't really matter. You can stop off on the way at a park to have the photos taken and then once you are in the room for the night for the party it doesn't matter what room you are in you can have a good time. People don't remember the food or the walls they remember the people and the fun they had.
CommentAuthorsuzky123
its the service and the personal touches that make a day... not the amount of money you can throw at it.... we are lucky as we have the house etc and our money can be used for the wedding but had we wanted to, we could have had a fab day for a lot lot less. Realistically, noone will remember what they ate or the flowers.... however i would push the entertainment as 80% brides regret not allocating more of the budget to enterrtainmnet and less on the dress and venue etc
cant wait to be Mrs Evans less than 3 weeks woooo
start weight 10st 1.5 lbs
weight now 8st 4.5 lbs
total loss to date: 24.5 lbs now need to maintain!
CommentAuthorFuture Mrs Doublé
thanks girls for advice, really helpful. I'm feeling so much better today thanks to you all :)
Soon to be Mrs Gary Doublé
Everything is now booked
Getting really stressed and excited now
CommentAuthorKatya
My Dean feels that he wants to marry me, he wants to show the world he loves me, however.... a wedding is just an expensive piece of paper!
Don't get me wrong part of me feels the same way. However my family are really sneaky, no one has the money to do much, we are not a family who go on dates, when we need money we borrow from other family members when they are able to lend it to us, but then when we go to give it back they won't accept it! We resort to hiding it in their glove box or popping it in their coat pocket on the way out the door so they don't realise! So when my grandparents want to take the family out for a meal usually to the local pub for a cheap meal I feel guilty knowing they are on a pension and only have one funeral paid for knowing if they both go no one in the family can pull together to give the second funeral.
Dean's family have the money their, spoil Deans brother stupid and let us struggle.
My wedding to me is going to be the only time I will be able to buy my family a meal and not feel guilty for sneakily giving them money I borrowed from them back. If it was just a peice of paper to me then we would be married already. we have been engaged now for 18months and have only just managed to afford my dress and half our rings. But I want to buy my family a meal, thats the main thing for me. So our wedding is going to cost 5000 but that includes 1003 for rings that dean wants, 695 for my dress 1995 for our meal for 40 including venue hire, room for night etc, and 300 for a band from the college as we want to give them a little extra for the college as I studied there and their music department is the greatest! (i did performing arts, my singing teacher is putting the band together for us) the rest is just extra including 456 to get certificate and the registrar fees and notices.
Having explained to dean i want to buy my family a meal he realised why i wanted a slightly bigger wedding.
