Wedding Forum - Calling his bluff backfired!!...

I don't know where to start really, me and my H2B haven't been getting on well for a few weeks really, everytime someone mentioned the weddingor i was arranging something to do with the wedding he'd say that he's fed up of hearing about it, we're 5 months away and he keeps putting off booking things and paying deposits, i think i know deep in my heart that he doesn't want to get married but it hurts so much, i don't get it, we've been together 10 years, have a mortgage and 4 great kids together along with my own daughter who loves him to pieces, i set him a text yesterday to say that if we cancel we will lose 25% of deposits we've (well, my mum and dad) have already paid. He text back 'whatever, up to you' i didn't expect thatreply i thought he might try and sort things and hoped that he might have said, what are you on about or something. Anyway he came home and asked if i cancelled anything, i said no that i had spoken to some of the suppliers about what we'd lose, he then says why do you want to cancel? I say that i'm just feeling that he doesn't want to marry me and that i can't go through with it unless i'm 100% sure it's what he wants. He hans't spoken to me since, only to ask if he can sleep in our bed or whether he should sleep in our sons?!?
I can't stop crying, i love him so much it's breaking my heart, what shall i do? Xx

I think you should sit him down and ask him to his face, if he does want to marry you? It's very difficult to try and work out what he was thinking when he received the text off you and he might think it's you who wants to call the wedding off. It could be that he is getting nervous and just needs to talk things through with you.

Thanks girls, i try to talk to him but it ends in arguments every time. He says that he wouldn't have asked me to marry him if it wasn't what he wanted, but the way he acts doesn't show me this, he hardly talks to me, he works 6 days a week then is a retained firefighter at nights and weekends, he plays football mon, weds and fri evenings and has drill on a thurs so the only time we really get together are tuesday evenings and sundays, i'm finding it exhausting with 5 kids all day and 3 who still wake in the night, i never get to go out as he's never here to look after the kids, the last time i went out was may last year and that was the 1st time in 8 years maybe it is me i don't know but i just feel it's all getting a bit much. Xx

Why dont you both take some time out, leave the kids with parents or something and go out for a meal, i think maybe he feels when ever you talk to him its just about weddings, my H2B has felt similar, however when we went out for a night just the two of us (something we dont do often) it seemed to really help. You have his undivided attention to talk to him about and he has yours. I do hope it works out for you, but give it a go, sometimes you just need time together having fun and then he will soon realise that it doesnt matter if you get married your still be the same two people.

My H2B didnt want to get married, he said he isnt religious and would feel a hypocrite, however i did, he then wanted to get married abroard and i didnt, he is doing it because he loves me and i know this, so for the honeymoon i let him pick, its only fair :)

Ali- i do want to marry him, more than anything, and that's what makes it so hard for me, if i didn't it would be so much easier to just cancel everything and move on. I will suggest going out and see what he says. Xx

All we have to pay for is bridesmaids, suit hire, rings (which we've already got), church and flowers,that totals about £1500, my parents are paying for the rest. . Well tonight is our night together so wish me luck. x

Thanks Sam. Xx

Me too, it's heartbreaking, i think a letter would work as when i try to tell him how i feel he either dismisses it or interrupts. It's so hard isn't it? I've spoken to his mum about it, and even she said that he's been really moody recently. Men hey? The saying is so true, you can't live with them, can't live without them! x

Yeah he did ask me, got down on one knee, we both cried, he says that he wouldn't have asked me if he didn't want to, but then he tells his friends he done it as he didn't know what else to get me for christmas..Oh i don't know!! Xx

I honestly don't know, he's the one that wants a big wedding, i'd be happy to just go off and do it just the 2 of us. Xx

Sorry Dee, didn't mean to question your feelings, was just wondering if maybe you were coming across disinterested to h2b and that is why he was behaving like he is.........Men, we'll never understand them!! x

I know with my h2b, i don't mention anything until i need his input (which is why this site is great) as if i was to go on about it all the time he would go crazy.....thankfully my mum lets me go on at her. Some men don't care what happens on the day as as they see it they're marrying the woman of their dreams and if it was in a scrapyard they'd still be happy with the choice..........xx

Thanks Amy, i suppose you're right, but if he's scared he should tell me, we could sort through things, i mean if we are happy as we were then why change things, if he wants to stay unmarried that's fine with me but i just need to know either way. Xx

Well i just text him to ask if we could talk tonight and he said that he has a fitness test straight after work and doesn't know what time he will be home.

Aww what an awful situation to be in, i hope that you can both find some time to talk things through and sort everything out, big hugs xxx

Basically the only person whos gonna know whats goin on in his head is him. We can all guess til we are blue in the face but we'll never know. Sometimes all it takes is a simple 'how are you feeling bout everything?' to get him to open up a bit.
hope you got a chance to talk :)

hope your chat went out xx

Glad you got it sorted xx

awww thats sounds really gud hun!! i dont have kids but a nephew i hav once a week and i kno how u feel wiv just the on enever mind 5 lol

aww thats really good news hun, so glad yu ad a good chat and got things sorted out xx

im glad things are sorted now..

men eh!?

Glad you got it all sorted ! sometimes all you need is a good chat to clear the air ! xx

Awww Dee I'm so glad you guys worked it out! Give him a slap from me and say " THAT'S FOR UPSETTING MY DEE!" naughty h2b >:( Hope things are still looking good for you two though :D xxx