I have a big prblem. my h2b is in the army, he was planning on leaving which means he'd be out next year, becuase he thinks hes done everything he wants to do and he doesnt want to be away from me any more. however the army how now offered him a corse he wants to do but it means he will haveto go back to afghan next year on the front line. if he does wel will b able to afford the wedding of our dreams no problem. and have the deposit for a house.
one part of me wants to say no dont go wel scrimp and save even if it takes longer. but both of us are thinking for the sake of 6 month we could have a great little set up. we just want to be married and happy in our little home. i dont know if its worth all the worry and danger. i have asked everyone possible their opinion but everyone thinks its an impossible situation.
Helpppp!!!
CommentAuthorEmsy5000
wow that is a hard one. Personally I would be don't go but then I have nothing to do with army life so don't know. If its something he really wants to do then he should do it though.
Dyslexic
its spelt wrong
I No! I Now! I Know!!!!!
I am NOW MRS LONSDALE!!
CommentAuthorLisa Ramos
OMG what a horrible situation you are in! I'm sorry I can't be of any help what so ever, as I have never been in the situation myself.
I love my lickle Ava
CommentAuthorxox-Zoeee
thats ok, its a hard situation to comment on. x
CommentAuthorx ashlil x
my h2b had just applied to the army when i met him and before i knew this, i said i could never be with someone in the army. so he didnt do it. Il be honest, im glad cos id hate 2 be in that situation. As for your big decision, it can only be decided by you 2. sit down and talk to him and see if this is something he really wants to do or if he is doing it for you then make a decision xx
well hunni ...i went through 17 years being a navel wife and coping with my (then) hub going out to the gulf war and did sevearl tours of duty ........now im with Mr lala who is currently working in sudan . i will see him for 5 weeks in 13 months !!!!! i would say is this a course that he can do in civvy street ? if so keep him here .
yeah the corse will help him get the job he wants as a civvy. other wise he will probs have to go back to being a funeral director which was well paid but he hated it. xx
CommentAuthorXLittleMissMe!X
The way I see it is money isn't everything but he is. You can save up money over the years, get married cheaply and be happy. You can't do all that with him in a box. I admire all the men and women that do serve out on the front line but if I had the chance to keep them all safe at home I would.
CommentAuthorxox-Zoeee
thanks foryour advice jo thats the harsh reality im faced with, i could never forgiv me self if anything happened to him. xx
CommentAuthorXLittleMissMe!X
That is what I am thinking of. You have the rest of your lives together to do the things you want to do and your h2b can always retrain through the open uni etc so its not like he could never get another job to pay for your dreams.
CommentAuthorJilly17
For me it would be about how happy the course/qualification would make him when he came out. If it is a once in a lifetime opportunity that would change his career choices and make him happy in his work once he was out the Army then for me it would be worth it for him to be happy for the rest of his working life. I am not sure I would want to make the decision based on the financial benefits or being able to have a dream wedding though due to the risks involved...it ultimately is just one day!
CommentAuthorRhiannonollie
edited
I think he has to make the decission himself - you should put your opinion forward but at the end of the day it is his call. You dont want him regretting anything and feeling it was because you said go or dont go.
I have to admit I would hate to be in your position it is a really difficult choice to make, and I really feel for you.
I would not be able to cope with having my partner in the army - youre a brave lady!!
I hope you get it sorted, but as jo said money is not everything, happiness is, think about it that way might make the decission easier.
is soooo happy and lucky
CommentAuthorxox-Zoeee
The corse would be very useful to him, hes a dog handler now al the re settlement corses they have offered him are for basic security ect. becos any decent corse takes longer, like this og corse hes been offered it would pretty much gaurentee him a very good job training dogs, even give us the chance to live and work in america for awhile.. i dont want him to have a job he hates forever. but on the other hand since i have been with him hes never been on the front line on tour i would worry my self sick, life wouldnt be worth living with out him. xx
CommentAuthorXLittleMissMe!X
Could he not get on the same course with the police? Just an idea that might not put him in so much danger.
CommentAuthorRhiannonollie
good idea jo !! probably doesnt pay as well though!
is soooo happy and lucky
CommentAuthorXLittleMissMe!X
Maybe not but better on the old heart and stress levels.
CommentAuthorRhiannonollie
yes deffinetly!! i would rather be broke and have my H2B by my side every night!
is soooo happy and lucky
CommentAuthorxox-Zoeee
he wanted to be in the poilce. but he would have to wait until they were recruiting which could be years with all the cuts going on. and then he stil might not get in.
CommentAuthorRhiannonollie
Zoeeee - I really feel for you! I really hope things work out for you both whatever choice you make.
is soooo happy and lucky
CommentAuthorXLittleMissMe!X
What has the h2b said about it all? How does he feel about it? Do you think he is trying to push himself to provide for you and the family? Do you think if he did it he would be doing it for the right reasons?
CommentAuthorxox-Zoeee
he knows its alot to think about, and he keeps saying he just wants to marry me and give me my dream wedding, thats not gona happen on the date we have planned unless he goes. the other things like the skills an qualifacations the corse will giv him is fantastic to but i think his main priority is getting our lives set up. but he says hes not deciding anything unless he knows im 100% behind him. which i would be anyway.
CommentAuthorXLittleMissMe!X
See that is what scares me how he is using the wanting to give you the world thing to drive him to do it. Its not that he wants to go out there its he wants to see you walk down the aisle and he thinks that is the ticket to getting you your dreams. Maybe if you explained that your dreams are to be with him for the rest of his life rather than having the big white wedding etc it will help him to make the right choice for you both. I'm not saying the right thing is for him not to go as only you guys can decide that but what I am saying is make sure he knows that this shouldn't hinge on just because you want to get married to each other. There are 1,0000's of couples that have to save for their weddings and find ways of doing it without having to risk their lives to do it.
CommentAuthorJilly17
I am with Jo on that one...I think the pressure of the dream wedding needs to be out of the picture as it is too big a decision to make without the wedding being another factor. It is lovely of him to want to give you both that though....
CommentAuthorxox-Zoeee
yeah thats ver good advice, i think hes worried il be upset if i dont get married on that date which i woudnt be. and he also seems to think he has to raise all the money on his own, which i dont expect at all, i think thats because his last 2 tours hes wasted the money on new cars and things and he feels like he owes me bcos he didnt save his money. hes in hosspital in germany at the min but were gona get a bottle of champage nxt week when hes back and sit and have a big long chat about it. hope we can decide on whats best.
CommentAuthorXLittleMissMe!X
A good long chat is what is needed and for you to be both honest with each other. I'm sure that you will work things out between you. Make a list of pros and cons and that might help you to show him just what is important to you in the grand scale of things.
CommentAuthorJilly17
Hope he is ok!!! It must be lovely to know you are going to see each other so soon...have a lovely time together x
CommentAuthorxox-Zoeee
a list of pros and cons sounds like a very good idea. yeah carnt wait to see him hes been away about 6 weeks =(. shud be back for 5 tho yey. x
CommentAuthorsuzky123
id keep him home just in case. Id be too paranoid. I never think money if worth the risk of not seeing him again.
cant wait to be Mrs Evans less than 3 weeks woooo
start weight 10st 1.5 lbs
weight now 8st 4.5 lbs
total loss to date: 24.5 lbs now need to maintain!
CommentAuthorlil miss sunshine
dont know what to say on this one so giving you a hug
and now the next chapter
CommentAuthorpennieb-MrsRiley
Hun, I really don't mean to scare, but you really need to think very, very carefully about whether it's worth it. My brother has done a tour of Afghan already and lost 2 good friends while on tour, it was the most nerve wracking time since he joined the army, and he'd already got 2 tours of Iraq under his belt. My BIL2B is also in the forces and has openly said if it weren't for his job being so important to getting our guys out of there he would be begging not to go back. Be aware that even if you are lucky and your h2b makes it back physically safe, emotionally and psychologically this could be a real trauma. The qualifications may be good, but you really need to weigh up whether it's truly worth it x
Now, finally, Mrs Riley
I hope you don't mind that I put down in words
How wonderful life is while you're in the world
I have the greatest husband!
CommentAuthorxox-Zoeee
thank you for the advice. you have give me alot to think about. and thank you for the hug lil miss sunshine =) xx
CommentAuthorbecky -mrs firth
i will say it bluntley i have had very good mates go afgan a few times..... is ure weddin a deposit on ur ehouse worth him riskin his life?? i think i wud prefe wil i cud afford and save for the house!! afgan aint a place to go just to pay 4 a weddin of ure dreams!!! sorry zoe!
Engaged 27th November 2010
Hen Do Newcastle 2nd June 2012
Marrying the man of my dreams 11th August 2012!
Honeymoon To Jamaica 14th October 2012
CommentAuthorKatya
My cousin has been to afgan, korea and iraq twice now. Until october I had never met him in person. While he's on holiday in uk as ifhe is american, I have noticed things in him I have not seen in others. He screams in his sleep, he is reall jumpy, he was just a computer gee k out there but he had to dump something and was left on his own with no one covering him. A guy took a gun to him luckily my amusing was quicker to fire and that was his one and only kill. Caught the guy right between the eyes. After reporting this he called me in tears. I told him when he got back to states that I want him out as I don't want to risk never meeting him. Now he is here I wish I could have told him to volunteer for korea instead of iraq again.
You two have a tough decision but it appear he is already in hospital now. What will you do if he is late back off his tour because he is in hospital then too?
Find out who you are & do it on purpose!
CommentAuthorKatya
Amusing = cousin
Find out who you are & do it on purpose!
CommentAuthorCroc
i used to be in the army.... ive seen what can happen emotionally and physically....ive lost mates due to afgahn some have died and other have real pyscological issues now.... marrages have disolved( my best friend and her husband i was there when that broke down after he came back from iraq he was awful not his fault but he couldnt deal with what he saw) and people do change.... my friends dad as PTSD and still has it 13 years later and he is a mess...
everyone changes when they come back from afghan imo.... the things that go on over there are awful and at the mo every memeber of the forces and private security are danger ever day ....
if my h2b was in the army and given the choice your h2b has .... i would voice my concern but utamatly stand by his decision but i would make it clear that your dream wedding is having your h2b 100% how he is now and not with emotional problems and not in a wheelchair or worse....and how amount of money from his tour cant bring that guarentee... i would also say ud never make him feel guilty of blowing his previous tours money....yes he wants a decent job in civvy street but you have to respect his decision.....
the best thing i ever did was leave the army ... im grateful of what it has brought me and the person i am today but i have also seen the mysery it brings and that to me isnt worth any amount of money
"better a witty fool, than a foolish wit" shakespeare
CommentAuthorxox-Zoeee
he really wants to cone out hes fed up of the tours about being away he says all he seems to do it be on tour or train for tour. my brother left the army becos of the psychological side of things. h2b was on that same tour came home fine he lost alot of friends and saw some horrible things but that kind of proved to himsef he i a very head strong person and doesnt let the the job affect him, so hes convinced me on that level hel be fine. its just the psycical danger hes been sooooo lucky 4 tours and not a mark on him. im worried he wont be so lucky this time. hes tried to convince me hes good at his job hes focued he knows what hes doing but thats doesnt take away the worry. the whole thing isnt about money for a wedding he really wants the qualifacations. and he feels like if he left now after 7 years hed pretty much be walking away with nothig which doesnt seem fair to him. im 100% behind him what ever he wants to do but he wont decide any thing unless he knows am total behind him. the risk is massive and not one thats nice to think about but he is very good at his job. am not some sorta horrible bridezila making my h2b risk his life for me al be happy with any decision he makes i just want to be sorted and happy wit him.
dont know what to say on this one so giving you a hug
