Wedding Forum - A bit morbid!!...

My H2B was a bit quiet last night and when I asked whay was wrong he said if anything happened to me he wouldn't have any legal rights over my children. he adores all 3 of them including their strops and sulks/ door slamming/arguing lol and they all call him daddy which has never been prompted, thats what they all chose to do. Their father is hopeless, in fact he doesn't deserve the name father. The only way I know of is if H2B adopts them all but their father im sure wouldn't agree to that. The worst thing would be for them to live with my ex. (and I would come back and haunt him too lol)
Does anyone know that if I put it in a will for them to stay with H2B it would be legally binding?
Btw.....im not planning on going anywhere yet lol x

i know you can request youre wishes in a will but doubt its legal in regard to custody but check it out anyway xx

I know what you mean Mrs Walker. My h2b wants to adopt my 3 kids after we are married but i know that my ex hubby wont allow it even though he hasnt seen them for 3 years. I have been told though that if something should happen to me i need to make it clear who looks after my children ie the will or get in touch with social services about where you stand x

i am kind of the same by h2b has bought up my eldest daughter and in my will at the moment she would go to my mum (done before met h2b). My ex has not seen her for 5 years and is not allowed to as he has a violent nature. If your ex is on the birth certificate that will probably mean he will get custodial rights, if not like me they have no parental rights. x

Oh yeah and this is the endearing father that refused to pay for his children because I broke his nose!!!

Children born before a certain date in 2003 who's parents were not married, the father does not automatically have parental responsibility

How old are the kids? Don't the courts take into account the childrens wishes when awarding custody, or won't they count in a 'natural' vs step parent battle?

(On a different note... anyone ever worry their h2bs/husbands wouldn't be able to cope with the kids by themselves if something was to happen to you?)

They are 6, 7 and 10 and the court would look at both sides, and yes they would listen to what the children want but that won't be the deciding factor. (apparently...I haven't got that as fact yet)

We would have exactly the same problem hun, h2b adores the boys and my scum bag of an ex does pay for or see the boys (though this is my eldests wishes!) We are going to change the boys names to "known as" and after 2 yrs we can legally change their names, plus we dont actually know where the ex is which means we can do it without his agreement.
As for if anything were to happen to me, we were going to look into adoption cause of not knowing the exs where abouts but I think that may open a can of worms if the court finds him or just hope that the boys will be old enough to stand in court and say they want to say with their daddy (h2b) and not their sperm donor!!

I'm hoping the approach to my daughters sperm donor (if he doesn't pay anymore csa he will let H2B adopt my daughter) We were never married (she's 10 now) and he really seems to begrudge paying csa, only calls every couple of weeks when he can find the time to have her stay over, takes no interest in her daily life or school work....complete waste of space he is

My ex asked my dad for £20k to disappear out of our lives, sounds like a simular type of bloke to yours, my boys are almost 3,5 and 10 xxxx

complete waste of space! The only good thing he ever did for me was give me my children! xx

Im not sure, because he is on the birth certificate I THINK permission is needed to do a legal change but the child can be "known as" but I wouldn't swear to it.

My mum managed to change my name when she remarried when I was 9, without my fathers permission - as he had no involvement at all, but he was on the birth certificate.

From what I can gather if there is no involvement IE no access visits, bithday/xmas cards or maintenance then you can do it without permission but you have to prove there is no contact at all...sadly I can't as their dad is involved.

Shelby I wish it was that easy for my 3 :-( If I had the ideal world the sperm donor wouldn't see them at all but I can't block him. lol I have even cast a spell to send him into his future and leave his past behind including the children. I know some may see that as harsh and for that I am sorry but even his parents say the children would be better off without him. Plus he now takes his girlfriends son to the same school as my lot! When he turned up on Saturday he asked if he could stay at mine as he didn't have any petrol in his car (stop smoking the weed then!) he spent the entire 2 hours in the kitchen trying to talk to me! What's all that about?

Thanks anxious lol I do have sole custody, I don't actuall y think he would even think of challenging it but if anything were to happen to me he would see the kids as money makers, tax credits, child benefit etc etc. I will arrange to go and see a solicitor and get the legal facts, if not then just up and re-locate is always an option lol Then there would be no contact lol The kids wouldn't even notice their dad wouldn't come round!....that special bond just isnt there.

Hmmm, well the first thing that my solicitor mentioned to me as I was going through my divorce was what would happen to my newborn son, now obviously my fiancee wasn't around then. So I made a will to state that my wishes were for my son to be brought up by my mum and my sister to be his legal guardian. This was the only reason for this will as I have no assetts. So I would say that a will is legally binding! I did not want my ex -husband to bring my son up. And this means he wont be able to.

The name changing thing, I want my son to change to Roper after we are married and am thinking it will be fairly easy to do. One friend of mine had her son's name double-barrelled to include her fiancee's name without any hassle. And another friend had her daughters name changed before they were even married, again with no hassle. I don't think it's that complicated really. I think it could be different if you were hoping for your man to officially adopt your children though?

But yes a will should give your partner legal rights to bring up your children.

:-)

you could speak to a solicitor but i dont think its legally binding. if they were old enough to decide for themselves thats a different ball game altogether xx

Ok, I looked into a lot of this so here is what I found out:

You cannot change a child's name in any way - not even to be "known as" without having a letter from anyone with parental responsibility to say that they are in agreement with this. If you get the letter, you might as well go for the legal name change anyway!

Parental Responsibility is automatically granted to the father of a child if he was married to the mother at the time of the birth, or went on to marry the mother after the birth. It is also automatically granted to any father registered on the birth certificate of a child born after 1st December 2003.

Parental Responsibility Orders can be granted by the court if all parties do not consent to a Parental Responsibility Agreement - therefore if you want your h2b to have PR and your ex says no, you can still argue it through the courts, and once you are married this would likely pass through without too much of an issue.

You can make a will to request that your children be brought up by absolutely anyone - even the neighbour if you are so inclined - BUT it is not legally binding and CAN be challenged with ease by someone with PR. However, if your h2b is granted PR and you request that the children be raised by him in the event of your death then it would be far more effort on your ex's part to challenge this since the children would already be in their home environment with your h2b, and he would have the same legal rights as your ex.

Finally - in any issues concerning children, their feelings and wishes are taken into account from as early an age as 6-8 years old, depending on the level of maturity of the child and their level of understanding of the situation and what is being asked.

My suggestion - go make an appointment with a solicitor and start the ball rolling on the PR x

@pennieb thanks for making the effort for me ;0) I will def see a solicitor about that, It would put my mind at ease if nothing else, I was a little confused about the "known as" because a friend of mine did it not long ago and she didnt need permission from the father but will check it out. I have another friend of mine that has been told she can't change to "known as" without the fathers permission but that is because she is adopting her nephew and everything has to stay as it is until the adoption is approved/accepted. Will makle an appointment me thinks ;0)
xx

I got the information about "known as" from the UK deed poll website where it says that schools, doctors etc are not supposed to even change it to known as without a letter of consent

Mrs Hall2b thankyou for your reply, hopefully there are some that will benefit from your info but sadly I won't as it doesn't apply to me. My ex does not pay for them but does see them. x

this is really helpful.......
LINK REMOVED

Hi soon to be Mrs Walker,

In regards to your question aimed at me- It was September 2005 when I first went to see a solicitor in regards to a divorce, will etc.etc. So a while ago now, however whilst the information which Pennieb has found may be true- If anything were to happen to you and you had made a will, then it would be upto your ex to contest this through courts, and your wishes would not be ignored. Also I was told by my solicitor (when my ex was stinking up a fuss about giving my son injections and other such things) that if he wanted to be consulted on such matters then he would have to apply for parental responsability which is not automatically granted to him just because we were married so therefore obviously on the birth certificate. I don't know though if the fact that we never lived together as a family due to an 'incident' two days before I gave birth, which ended my marriage, has anything to do with this?

Anyway he never was that bothered and as far as I'm aware dosn't have parental responsability, and dosn't deserve it as it will be two years in July since his last failed fortnightly visit to pick up my son.

In regards to the surname change- I was discussing this with my mum and she reminded me of my cousin who had a son before her and her husband met and as far as her son is aware then he is his dad. Anyway the son was going abroad on a school trip and therefore needed to have his passport which was in his original surname (my cousins maiden name) rather than the family name which he has believed to be his. Now on the birth certificate is obviously the name of the boys biological father, however my cousin just visited a solicitor and had his name all officially changed to the family name. So that then he could go on his holiday abroad without knowing any difference, this all happened last year.

Definetly would seek out legal advice as I will be doing as soon as I am married to have my will changed to cover all eventualities, also obviously I will be asking about my son's surname as obviously at the moment he and I have one surname and my fiancee and daughter have a different surname! Would love for all our surnames to be the same but if my son cannot have his changed at least he will always know that my fiancee loves him far more than his 'other daddy' ever will.