im not sure if i have posted in the right bit, but sorry if i havent, i hae just been doing some sums, and looking at my ever increasing Guest list! we started off with a budget of £5k, it is now closer to £15K!!! well anyway as i sed been doing some sums and if if i do not inite people i dont know, but have been told i have to coz they are "family" then i will b saving £1860!!!!! that is just on the wedding b/fast alone!!! now me n H2B have been together for nearly 6 years, and all of these "unknowns" are from his side of the family and i have not ever ever met a single one of them!! would i b wrong to just not invite them? H2B will not have a problem with this as he doesnt know them either, but MIL and GMIL WILL have problems with this - i really really cannot b bothered with arguments, but nearly £2k is a lot to save! any ideas/suggestions on how i can tactfully tell them i dont want to invite ppl i dont know?? i dont want to just come out with "its our weddin, we will do it our way" because that will cause hurt feelings and i dont want that either! thanx in advance :) xXx
CommentAuthorx ashlil x
can't you just say due to budget restrictions your only inviting close family and friends x
CommentAuthorLiiga
Everyone has got 'family' members like that.... u only see them on weddings and funerals... Wont be inviting any of them. Dont think its wrong... its your day! Why would you want to spend it with people you dont even know, and probbably wont see ever again. Not sure how tactfully MIL will see it... Just tell her your budget is not unlimited.
CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
Im deff with you on this one ....we have done it with "we can only have 50 people at the day do so we are inviting those people that have been a constant in our lives for the last nine years....extended family friends etsc will invited to the eveing reception"
i have tried explainin the budget issue, and she just says oh dont worry about that now, if u havent got enough by the time it comes to paying for it we will lend it to u n u can pay us after :/ i do feel bad :( i was gonna leave it to H2B to tell her when he comes home - but he isnt so tactful lol i do feel bad :( i dont wana upset MIL as she has been amazing helpin me with loads (not financially, just with helpin me plan coz im cluless and H2B not here) but jus starting to feel a little overwhelmed :S i didnt really want a big wedding, an afternoon wedding with a big party would have done me, but now im having a 5 course meal in some old house :S lol xXx
I agree with the other girls you should invite the ones that you are close to and you see on a regular basis,it should go for both sides too,explain to people that are saying you have to invite these outsiders,do they know your name?or h2bs on your side?things like that make you realise you only want people that are part of your lives before and together as a couple,I think its much more lovely to have the ones that you both know,not a pile of strangers that are there for the meal. xxx
CommentAuthorloola_hoop
-thanx girls :) makin me feel so much better! :) im just goin to sit down with MIL and tell her that i have been doin sums, and its costing way too much, and thankyou for her offer to lend us money but we dont want to be in debt to anyone over it, and that i have spoken to H2B and we have decided that we are only inviting people that we have seen/spent time with in the past year, and that means cutting people from my side too. just because there are people we dont really know and we dont want to feel awkward at our own wedding, but we will b invinting every1 to the evening...good compromise?? do you think this will work?? :/ xxx
CommentAuthorXLittleMissMe!X
Erm no no no and no. Why should you have to pay to feed people you don't know or ever see just because you are getting married and they are some distant blood line. If they don't play a part in your life normally why should you have to pay to see them because its your special day? If they really want to come that badly then they can pay for their own meals! I refuse point blank to feed people I don't know or like. Even if your mum lends you the money the principle is still the same. You will still be paying it back. If she wants them to come she can pay for them! Maybe that will change her mind about them coming?
CommentAuthorXLittleMissMe!X
If you are happy for them to come to the evening and it isn't costing you silly money then it is a good compromise but you and the h2b have to be happy with and feel comfy.
CommentAuthorBecky
My Mum has a large family (7 brothers and sisters, all of whom have at least 2 children each plus their husband/wife and then their children!) I am only inviting one of my cousins and her family who I see all the time. Mum has said she would like them all there (and tbh I would prob like aunties/uncles there) and I have said no cos it would be about another 40 guests we'd have to pay for. I am going to invite them all to the evening but not the daytime. Mum has said nearer the time if I do still want aunties/uncles to come but the budget doesnt stretch then she will have a word with my Dad lol xx
CommentAuthortinkerbell
i know the feeling i have the same prob with most of the family couse i can only have 25 guest to our wedding and most feel they have a right to be there , But when u can only choose so many you want them to be close family and friends not just becouse they are family and never talk to u from one year to the next , so dont feel guilty .xx
CommentAuthorMrs Brakes
Will she have a list of who you're inviting 'cos if she doesn't then she won't know until the day that you didn't invite these people. You might have a conversation to deal with afterwards but at least you won't be paying for it either at the time or for the next x years.
Got married 11/11/11.
CommentAuthorRachie :D
If they want them to come they pay for it :D
9th June 2012 when two worlds collide
The Crazy Cat Lady and the Transformer Man!
CommentAuthorlouise
I had trouble with this one. I have a step dad and his family arnt intrested in me one bit. I said i would invite my step grandad cause i see him but the rest can go jump. Dont see why i should have to pay for someone to come and enjoy my day with me when i never ever see them!!!
Getting Married 27th November 2011
Il be Mrs Dobson!!! :D
CommentAuthorGemLouise
Louise - I have a similar situation...I am pretty sure that some members in my family won't make the effort to come to the wedding as they have made little effort in my life so far so I sent a 'provisional invite' for 'numbers' and have already had a response saying no. Not a suprise at all and I am happy that I don't have to spend money on them. Fortuantely the parent whose family this is sees my point.
A proud wife
July 30th 2011 - the best day of our lives!
Hakuna Matata
CommentAuthorloola_hoop
MzEden, she doesnt have a list as such, but she has been helping me with everything as my family all live 100 miles away and OH has been away for the past 6 months, then when we were drawing up the guest list i worte down every1 tha i knew we wanted there n then just innocently asked "i havent forgotten anyone have i?" then i suddenly had god knows how many more people!! oh this is so n sos cousin, they need to b there, and their husband oh n this person coz he is related somehow and sent H2B a xmas card about 10 years ago... ok so they werent her words but u get the picture! lol
CommentAuthorRachie :D
I'd say no - have you tried the approach of aunts and uncles only as the families are that big and the cousins can come to the evening function? We're doing this
9th June 2012 when two worlds collide
The Crazy Cat Lady and the Transformer Man!
CommentAuthorsuzky123
I think we all have relatives like this. In the end we compromised and invited a select few on their side and limited it at that. They are not happy but at the end of the day even if budget isnt an issue, you then have lots of people YOU dont know at YOUR OWN wedding. Have a chat about it and see if there are a small number you can accomodate but then leave it at that and make it clear. Then everyone wins a tiny bit but at the end of the day it is up to you. If you want NONE of them there then invite none. At the end of the day where do you stop? As you said, the budget has already gone three times over and if you add more people you have to pay for more food twice over and a drinks package and make pleasantries that can be awkward when you dont know what to say.
cant wait to be Mrs Evans less than 3 weeks woooo
start weight 10st 1.5 lbs
weight now 8st 4.5 lbs
total loss to date: 24.5 lbs now need to maintain!
CommentAuthorLittle Kettle
We've got a similar issue, but not with family members - with work colleagues! I run a small charity and feel that I would like to invite one or two people I work with but if I invite them, I'll have to invite everyone else, which will amount to about an extra 15 members of staff. on top of that, I've got my board - one is my line manager and the other is our chair, who I work very closely with and if I invite them then I'll feel I have to invite their partners too! It's a political mine field! x
Vegas baby!
Moderator
CommentAuthorXLittleMissMe!X
I was told with work people that unless you know their partners it is ok just to invite the people you work with as they will know the other people you work with and treat it like a works night out.
CommentAuthorLittle Kettle
OK, so I know my chair's partner (he runs the building our office is based in) and their Son! I don't know my boss' partner though. So what do I do there - I don't feel that I can invite our chair and her family but not my bosses family - he might feel really awkward if our chair is with her family and he's on his own...
Vegas baby!
Moderator
CommentAuthorXLittleMissMe!X
Are you friends with their whole family or just 'know' them? If it is just one extra then I don't think that it would be that bad but if you don't want to invite the whole lot just invite the chair and the boss and say that you don't have the capacity to invite everyone but you would like them to be a part of your day.
CommentAuthorsbride
tell MIL2B and GMIL2B that if they want them there, they can pay for them coz you really cant afford to pay for them. Why should you fork our all the money on someone you dont know?
I am now Mrs Stacey Stiles and loving it!
CommentAuthorFruity_pops
tell them u cant afford to invite them ... my mum wanted me to invited family member i dont ever see or talk to and i told her she either pays or they not coming she didnt like it but shes accepted that its own wedding and we invite who we want
good luck hun
xXx Cant wait till am Mrs Lever xXx
26th August 2011 at 3pm
cant believe it .. less then 30 days to go !!!
CommentAuthorSuzie Bear
With my work collegues i've said 4 can come only to the day part. (They can fight that out between themselves!!!) The rest are welcome to the evening part x
is Mrs Suzie Bear!!!!
Gotta be pink!!! :0)
I think I blinked and missed our wedding!! lol
CommentAuthorBeskiboo
Having the same issue myself, my stepdad has 10 brothers and sisters all with partners and children ect which is bumping up our numbers considerably, to the point that there would be more of them than my own family members. You just have to make a stand two grand IS a lot of money don't let anybody tell you otherwise.
CommentAuthorMumble83
My Dad was one of 5 and was not close to his family when I was growing up, a lot of them I have not seen since I was a baby and I am 27 now. I don't even know how many cousins I have so am keeping the guest list to the people H2B and I have both spoken to. (some of my family live up the line so the only contact we have had has been on the phone or online).
My mum is one of 6 and it seems like the rest of them are close and we are the black sheep, I try to maintain a relationship with them but only speak to a couple of my cousins, one of my cousins has even ignored my fb friend request more than once when there has never actually been a falling out!! I feel guilty for not inviting them though and feel like they will be slagging me off behind my back if I don't. Reading this though, I am going to listen to all the advice everyone has given Loola and just get ruthless with the guest list. Those I am unsure of, I will text or send a message on FB and if I don't get a reply, they are off!!
Don't feel pressured to invite people you don't know as you will have enough to deal with on your big day without worrying and feeling nervous about meeting people (especially those that are supposed to be new relations) for the first time. xx
Sorry for the long post. xx
CommentAuthormitch2509
im inviting cousins the night time. and thats it. there are a couple of people i dont really like that im inviting but anything to keep the peace !