Wedding Forum - MIL2b....and it is only the engagement...

Sorry but here we go....I was going to buy an iced cake for the engagement party but MIL2b said she would make it and her friend would ice it....great! I wanted a topper, plum ribbon and my grandmothers brooch on it so I wanted it completely plain...fine she says. Ist call.....would you like an iced plaque on it? ...no thanks I reply, and explain the design again. She thinks it sounds lovely. Saturday she calls h2b...what colour roses do you want on cake? Eh? So I call her and 3 times I say we dont want roses thanks or the white ribbon she suggests. I explain I want it plain so I can finish it off myself with the help of my friend and I can tell she is not happy. Tonight she calls and tells me to get my friend to ice it for me. Somewhere along line she has decided to ice it and since she has made it and bought everything then she should finish it...but I dont want roses I say but she says h2b does....no he doesnt! I explain if we wanted roses is no need to buy them as my friend would help me make them and she then insults me about where I am from and that they have money even if I dont!!!!! I calmly and too politely say there was no need for that..she says she is not upset so that is fine...I say well I am upset and she more or less hangs up. I dont care about bloody cake...but why risk your relationship with DIL2b over this? Am so upset and angry and the party is in 10 days and I wish she wasnt coming!!!

He is not at all happy and cannot understand why she was so nasty and made it so personal. He wants to go and see her later in the week (he works away) and 'have a word' but realistically she alienated his ex wife at the expense of an independent relationship with her grand daughters so I have no chance. I can just hear her crowing to her nieces and sister (I have heard her do it!) and they are all coming to the party 2. H2b has always said he wants us to go away, just the 2 of us to get married and after this week (also had less offensive problems with my parents!) I am thinking about it. Makes me so sad that people end up doing exact opposite of what they want due to pathetic politics and interferring...so sad!

wow if shes like this over the engagement party, just imagine what she would be like over the wedding......your H2B does need a word with her and maybe his dad too, if H2B can't get through to her maybe his dad will

Sorry to hear this :-( At least your h2b is on your side on this, I've heard similar stories of MiL2B grief where h2b won't stick up to his mother. Stick together and let things wash over you. Sometimes people do things for a reaction, it's hard to be the bigger person but by not giving them what they want, you "win". And as boo says, maybe your H2B or his dad can get through to her. xxx

thats what I am worried about boo! ....can you imagine the wedding and the personal attacks on me if she does not get her own way then???

becky...we are having problems finding a suitable venue so have booked nothing! We wanted to get married sooner rather than later as I am so ill and we are worried if we wait too long I wont be able to do it at all outside of my bed anyway! My body is a mess and I dont produce the right hormones or adrenaline to cope with stuff like this and she knows that which is why my h2b is even more shocked. I am so ill today with this I feel like cancelling the party....maybe we should just elope!

i have an evil mother in law to be as well - i really hate her scathing ways. you're never alone here - plenty of people to vent to.

try one last time after your h2b has spoken to her, and say - either make the cake they way YOU asked for it, or she doesn't make it at all - you could always buy one elsewhere and decorate it yourself.

luckily, my engagment cake was also my birthday cake LOL

my mil2b did the same thing - my h2bs birthday party we had bought a cake (shared birthday with my dad - so we bought a massive cake) and she goes and makes an individual cake (that looked like c-r-a-p) just for her son, then started dishing it out as soon as my dad had blown out his birthday candles. our cake was ordered specially and she spoiled the moment by pushing her own cake on everyone....

what is it with cakes and mothers in law?

my cakes are much better xxx

hope your party goes well. all men have 2 women in their life - their mothers and their wives. unfortunately, most wives take a back seat but soon enough she will elarn that these desicions are yours. help is appreciated, but controlling isn't.

hold tight and see it through. just remember there is a wedding, and you will be the bride xxx

we are having an afternoon tea as am too ill for full party and have been ill so long was nice to finally have something to celebrate. I am virtually housebound so cant do meals out etc and thought this way we could get everyone together as I could not manage to have everyone round the house and the venue has sofas so I can lie down while i am there. I live in the North East and there is a pathetic historical rivalry which i have never ever subscribed to and to use that to imply I am second class to her is so ignorant. It is really not about the cake...I hope she chokes on that and her ignorance!

I have a big stick you can beat her with honestly what the h*ll does she think she's playing at? Trying to go over you and make decisions about your cake? stupid old witch! just beat her it's the only thing that'll get through a skull that thick xxx

You could really do without this hassle for your health and sanity. Just go off and do it so that you guys have the day YOU want with little stress. Im a MIL myself and my OH other son is getting married 2 months before us and apart from sending links to bargains and paying for the car they want we have just listened to the ideas they want because it is their day. She does sound too controlling, hugs honey x

but if we just went off by ourselves it wouldnt be the day we really wanted....just a compromise to stop the stupid comments and hassle. I have had so little to celebrate ifor the last 20 years and have amazing friends and carers so to do it without them would be so sad. I just cant believe people end up compromising because of stupid family and friends. Probably better to stop the arrangements and not bother for now. I do want to cancel the afternoon tea but know h2b is not going to take it well. If she had called today to say she was sorry about the personal attack then I could deal with it but she wont. I just dont want her turning up and being all mardy with the eye rolling and tutting or equally turning up and smarming all over me and my family when she has been a pathetic witch. I cant even tell my family about it cos they would just never forgive her and I dont want it made any bigger than it is. Maybe her visa from Newcastle to Sunderland for the tea will have expired without her realising and they wont let her in! ha ha

Ok sorry but I thought it was one of your options.... Right when he is back he goes to see her and tells her to behave or not bother. I think you should support him but let him deal with it as its his Mum and he wont like the fact that this is upsetting you. I feel for you truely and you do deserve the beautiful day. I agree with your decision not to tell your family but confide in someone other than us here and I hope you get the support you need xx We could always dress up as coppers and arrest her on the morning and not release her till the next day - Crime - upsetting a bride (mind you with all the in law/BM posts on here at th moment the jail would soon be full) LOL

H2b spoke to his mum and said we wanted plain cake because it was our choice and she said it was all about money with me....I thought they only complained about spending too much??? He said that was rubbish and she should not have said what she said to me and after moaning a bit more she did her favourite trick and started to cry. He told her to finish the cake as she said she would and she did...and what an absolute mess it was!!! The icing was cracked and patched and the corners were dreadful. It was so bad h2b said we had to do something to improve it cos it was too embarressing otherwise. I overlaid it with more icing cut into hearts and we were really happy with it in the end but she still has not apologised for what she said to me and even ignored me at our own engagement party. Anyway, I have uploaded a pic but should have done a before and after as it was unrecognisable!

oh I have done plenty of crying over it! Combined with a stomach upset I managed to lose 8lbs over it all....useful but not pleasant! ha ha. I so wish I had done a before and after pic now as honestly, it looked amazing in comparison but yes it is lop sided and bumpy as anything edges and corners but hopefully the hearts, topper, and ribbon with my nanas brooch etc distracted from that!

yes the cupcakes went down really well as so many people do not like fruit cake