I Would go MENTAL why on earth does he need a road legal pit bike and blow half of your budget gone you have a right to be livid you could of put down a deposit on most of your stuff to secure it for your wedding day I am MAD for you hun =D ♥ X

that doesnt include the other £200 on a bike test, leathers for the bike and other accessories, THEN another 200 odd on tax and M.O.T ... seriously felt like crying when i told me he was getting it, i wasnt even asked, i was told. we had discussed money and what we needed, we needed to save etc but cause his best friend and him got together and found these bikes they went right ahead and bought them, he thinks I'm just being a spoilt sport but im the only one working now because he was temporarily laid off and wont start again for another month, so i have to work my *** off to get that back, and live... stressed! :( the places we have booked are expecting money as we live in cornwall and keeping a venue down without the payment isnt easy because loads of people want to be married in cornwall on the beaches etc... aahhh! xx

Did he take the money from a joint account or from his own? If it was from his own it shows that the wedding isn't his number one financial priority. However if he took it from a joint account then imho that's worse as the money from a joint account should represent joint decisions.
Either way there needs to be a discussion about the wedding and how it will be funded.

When we were having this discussion his actual words to me were "let me have some fun before my life ends" - i dont know how you ladies would react, but i actually went off and cried, is he regretting his decision to propose?

oh! he just sounded a little mean when he said it like he is really not looking forward to being married or anything, he really doesnt understand that lately years seem to be going by so fast and he knows i worry if things arent like of sorted out xx

"before my life ends" (regarding a wedding) is actually a mans idea of a joke.... h2b & his mates are always saying things like that in ear shot of me!

Regarding everything else.....
H2B is the only one working due to my health & our kids, however i do get some money in.... i spend/save £30 from child benefit a month (the other £100 goes on our kids, nappies, clothing, shoes etc) & £30 DLA a month, the rest goes on professional massages (I have major back problems) & bills. The entire wedding will be paid for by me as all H2B's wages go on bills, rent, food, my phone bill (I just had to call him from the garden-hes in the house- as my back went and he couldnt hear me screaming for help 15mins ago) his wages also go on the car to keep the car running and his debts to his parents whenever he has anything spare.

If I was to spend anything other than my money on the wedding without his prior consent (having read this thread to him) he states "If you did something like that even if it was for the wedding I would give you a right telling off & I would sell whatever it is that you bought to try to reclaim that money" i know what he really means is.... "if you stole my hard earned cash then you'd be out quicker than you could apologise" but then its the same way i would react were the tables turned!

We have 3 accounts between us and bill money gets transferred but we each get our own money seperately. maybe you should get a new safe (or steal his key/change the code) so he cant take anymore... in my book thats stealing and my h2b agrees.

(I would just like to add that much as yes h2b works & i dont, he uses all his money on feeding, clothing, & keeping a roof over the heads of the 4 of us and cant afford to save for a wedding as well as repay monies he owes to his parents. Me saving what i can, when i can works for us & we are happy - when i have saved enough for one thing i then buy it ie guestbooks, BM's dresses etc. It works for us and we are happy with this)

Thing is, i have never said he couldnt do anything, we have a pretty relaxed and fun relationship but we both knew how much a wedding costs and how much we would have to work, i fully trusted him with the money but because of what he said about living a little im a little upset he would say something like that, i can see him saying it as a joke or me taking it the wrong way, so i will bring it up, as for this bike, i can't say no as hes like a child a christmas, i dont want him to think im keeping him on lock and chain.. ive ranted and shouted but it hasnt done anything, i know he put money to the savings too but as of now the money for the wedding will be kept out of reach

xx

I'd be fuming! £1400 on something that wasnt a joint choice is absolutely unacceptable, especially as you are providing ALL of the money at the moment. He should be trying to be sensible with the money since he can't contribute yet.

Honestly, I think it's pretty selfish and shows a lack of respect. I wouldn't be impressed.

I hope you manage to save most of it back Hun. X

My h2b bought a bike back at the end of last year after telling me we were skint. To be fair though that was before he proposed and he had been selling alot of his stuff to pay for it although he did borrow £300 from a relative to be able to afford the bike.....that £300 got paid back out of money that we were given as an enagement gift.

We have sat down now and discussed everything. We both know exactly how much the other earns and what comes out of each others bank accounts to pay the bills and what will be left over. We have now agreed how much each of us can afford to put away and how much we can afford to spend on our wedding. I have the money in my savings account....usually I find it hard to keep money for anything buta as I know what it is being saved for then it is safe....that money is for our dream day. WE have agreed that it cannot be spent on any item of the wedding without both of us agreeing to that particular item (with excption to my dress for which we will sort of agree abudget).

I think it was really unfair and of your h2b to spend that money from your wedding fund and act like it is ok. And even if guys do joke about their life ending after marriage it is how it is said that can hurt.

I hope you guys manage to sort things out xx

I'd go ape $h!t no two ways about it and is seriously be rethinking everything.... To me it would damage trust x

I'm sorry if I sound rude but I think your partner has a bit of a cheek to just go out and spend that when he's not contributing even financially! Its completely unfair! Me and my partner wouldn't do that to each other although all our money is shared out, his wages pay the bigger bills and mine the shopping and any little bits as I work less hours and whatever is left over is used to pay a deposit or saved, but if I lost my job and just went out and bought myself a brand new wardrobe for no reason when there's financial pressure I couldnt imagine how my OH would feel! I think he is slightly selfish by doing that! Hope you's get all this sorted though xx

Sorry but hes not working at the moment and he spends £1400???? That is just beyond of joke!

I was annoyed cos my h2b spent £50 on gokartin when our money is tight! So this kinda puts that in perspective!

Cannot believe he wud think that is a good idea!

I wud def be having a good talk him hun x

I would go absolutely mental but I'd say very little until I was calm enough to think it through and then talk it through. Once calm, I would try to talk to him. If it was something he always wanted, I'd start with telling him that I understand why he wanted it. Then I would go on to say that the money he used was money you saved together to get married, to show the world how much you love each other. Then I'd try to explain my feelings, that by spending some of the wedding money you saved together, that he has made you think that he's not interested in getting married, that he would prefer to live the single life. I'd also probably ask, how he'd feel if you went and blew 1400 of your joint money on a new wardrobe, something most women would love.

Also, every relationship has ups and downs. I'm sure most people here have had times when they wondered if they were really matched. Try to talk it through and find out what's happening inside his head.

I hope you get sorted.

I turn 20 in July, I feel about 40 lately,we rarely argue or fight and usually he wouldn't ever try to upset me so this is shocking for me! Usually were the bestest of friends,I can understand he wants to keep up with his friends, but Now he knows that it won't be happening on my money, my money is now paying everything, He fully believes he has been treating me fairly - and an example of this is ... "Causei spent 1400 on the bike you can spend 140 on clothes" ... So I've been given permission to spend 140 of my own money on myself LOL! He's text me just now actually saying he will be home soon so he can chat, one of his friends who witnessed our heated discussion over money agreed with me and said he would just let him know he's a little out of order, maybe he's realised that I'm not a bank and will chat to me Xxx

I really hope you get it sorted hun! Its definately not right for him to be spening that kinda money esp when you have 3 jobs to his none!! He shouldnt have dreamed of touching of that money let alone spending it! x

id knock his bleedin block off, especially as he has been laid off. id be telling him to expect to do 2 grands worth of over tome to make up for you funding his stupid bike and him not working for a month. its completely irresponsible. if I did that, tom would go ape shit likewise so would I. I went out with someone that was shocking with money for 3 years, and this may sound harsh, but if I were you id just leave. that's a ridiculous amount of money to just spend and think its ok. especially as its not just HIS money. fair enough if he said I really really want this and il work extra to save up. not just take it.

Becca, if you can afford to put that money back in the 2 years you have got until your wedding, then yes, i do think its a bit mean of you being mad at him. At th end of the day, your wedding isnt round the corner. However, if you can't afford it, then yes - he'd out of order.

I can really sympathise with you and definately don't blame you for feeling the way you are, my ex was exactly the same, he bought and sold new bikes, cars and vans etc like he had hot dinners. All our money went on him and what he wanted, without discussing an of this with me, i would come home and find something new in the drive. i didn't get anything and nothing i said made any difference.
I don't think your out of order at all.

xx

MrsWright - don't forget he did it without consulting, never mind whether he has intentions of paying it back or not!
(Not having a go at you hun xx)

£350 out of £1400? was it really worth giving that amount back? that pathetic seeing as he effectively stole that money from you.... if he was mine, he'd be free to any other home!

I agree with Katya.....he gave you £350 and said thats all he would be giving you? I would be saying thats fine there's the door don't let it hit you on the way out. What a donkey. He clearly has no respect for you hun and never will if you let him get away with it. Talking from experience my ex would do stuff like this and then make me feel like I was the bad one for making an issue out of it. He spent 5 years controlling me mentally and emotionally. Every arguement he broke up with me and he knew he could hurt me like that as he knew I would always go back. This guy is trying to see hwo far he can push you before you snap or see if you will just go along with it. Make sure he knows you want all of the money back not just a measly £350. This will just be the start of him controlling everything that goes on.

It can work if you make changes to how you deal with things just now, but I would hate to think that you go through what I did with my ex.

xx

He's paying me the whole lot back, he gave me what he had but has now been offered a new job, starting ASAP .. The best bit is, the bike got delivered yesterday and not only was it a day late, the thing only went and blew up! Now as angry as he was, I totally believe that was karma, do something wrong and it blows up in you face, literally hahaha! I'm quite glad we have a laid back relationship because like many of you have said, I really would of shown him the door, we've have managed to sort things :) xxx

Lol karmas a b!tch

Just caught up with this post. What he did was disrespectful to you and not acceptable. You both agreed to setting aside that money and he took it because it was there. A good partnership is not based on stealing money from a joint fund.

Definitely I think change the bank card pin ... But the only prob there is that if its a joint account he can still go in the bank and withdraw x